A couple years ago, I produced a few segments in which I answered viewers’ questions about dating. Rightly so; it’s a hot-button topic. I have said it before and I will say it again: Dating does not have to be as difficult as people make it out to be if you know what you are looking for in a significant other. So, I am revisiting some questions I have received over time to answer and give my thoughts.
Q: What are your thoughts on saving kissing for marriage?
My husband and I did not kiss until after we were engaged; however, that was mainly because of logistics and how quickly we got engaged. I don’t think kissing before marriage is a problem, and I don’t think it’s wrong to kiss someone before you get married. Ultimately, I would never expect someone to save kissing for marriage.
Q: What are your suggestions for a relationship in a rut with a lot of frustrations?
Some of the greatest words of wisdom I ever heard about being in a relationship was: When you’re dating someone, that is as good as it’s ever going to get. Many people believe if your relationship gets in a rut, marriage will be the solution to get out of that rut. They think once you get married and once you have children, the relationship will magically turn into “happily ever after.” (Women in particular hold this perspective, thinking that as soon as they get the ring, things will get better.) But that’s just not true. When you’re dating, you experience an emotional high, the relationship is fairly smooth, and you’re genuinely excited. If you start to see that taper off before you’re married, pay attention to those signs. You may not have found the person you’re meant to do life with.
WATCH: Candace’s full segment on dating
Q: As a Gen Zer, I wonder where I can find masculine men?
This problem is in large part due to culture telling men to be more effeminate — and I’m sure that’s super frustrating. (Make men manly again.) But what you will find is that the more effeminate men live in city bubbles, but when you move into the rest of America, you will run into farmers, rangers, men who are working with their hands, and masculine men. Masculine men do exist.
Q: Do you keep in touch with or follow any exes?
Absolutely not. I am incredibly conservative when it comes to this issue. If you are in a relationship with another man, it’s super disrespectful — especially in a marriage — to maintain a relationship with a previous partner. I have never gone along with the “it used to be more but now we’re just friends” bit either. This is a definite no for me.
Q: I seem to be more mature than guys my age which makes it hard to date and find someone who will commit. Any tips?
This is fairly common. Men take a bit longer to mature than women, but, on average, they seem to mature somewhere in their mid-twenties. There are always exceptions, but as a general rule, younger men just tend to be a little more immature than younger women. There are likely some biological aspects to this because, for example, women likely mature quicker because we have to carry children on a biological clock’s dictations. But even little girls like playing with dolls while little boys like to rough house. Men do, however, eventually grow into being ready to commit and in a serious relationship.
Q: What is the best place to meet quality women who aren’t fickle?
This answer is short and simple: church.
WATCH: Candace Owens
Q: I have been with the same man for eight years. I called off our engagement because he’s still not ready, but we can’t seem to leave each other. Advice?
Leave. I knew two girls who went through a similar situation (relationships of about ten years each), and they both ended poorly. These women gave these men their best years. Meanwhile, men tend to age like fine wine — plus, they don’t have to worry so much about their reproductive vitality. That’s not the case for women. So, if you are giving someone years to make a decision and his decision is still “I don’t want to make a decision,” you are, unfortunately, a placeholder. He will likely meet another girl, get engaged quickly, and you will be left wondering what happened to the last decade of your life. I feel so terrible for women who have gone through this. But in both cases with the two women I knew, they knew they should have left earlier, but they didn’t muster the strength to do it. Have the strength to do it. Leave. Don’t be someone else’s placeholder.
Q: There is a girl I like, but I’m nervous to ask her on a date. How should I ask?
Just ask her. The worst thing that can happen is that she says no. And while you’ll have a bruised ego for a couple of days, you will have done something manly in the long run. Girls are missing men asking them on dates — men who hold doors and have the confidence to ask women on dates rather than hiding behind apps of Instagram DMs. Ask her to grab lunch or see a movie. If she says no, you’ll move on and find someone else to ask out.
Q: What is a good at-home date night idea?
I think cooking together is fun. My husband is also a good cook, so we enjoy doing that together. We also love to watch shows together. Granted, we have children so we stay in more these days, but we love a good at-home dinner-date night.