Some women are toxic. That’s not a fashionable statement to make, especially within the last ten years, but just because it’s not fashionable, doesn’t mean it isn’t true. In fact, if it isn’t fashionable to say, that probably means it is more likely to be true. Over the last two decades, we have moved into fully existing under a matriarchy that is destroying what is traditional and what actually makes women happy, such as getting married and building a family. Today, women who aspire to a traditional way of life are looked down upon: “Don’t you just want to be a free woman? You don’t need a man. All the single ladies!” We all know the song — after all, it’s empowering and catchy. And some women who do marry get mixed up with the wrong messaging and start to think their life would be better alone.
When people get divorced, they are essentially saying they don’t think they made the right decision when they got married. A breakup can end in heartbreak, but a divorce ends in the severing of a covenant relationship. Divorce is final. Yet it is a decision made after what should have already been considered forever and final: marriage. But every once in a while, someone ties the knot, regrets getting married, gets divorced, and then regrets untying the knot. Rather than think the marriage was the wrong choice, they realize it was the divorce that was wrong — like Samantha Lee, who has spoken out about how outsiders influenced her decision to divorce her husband. Lee was formerly married to R&B singer Tyrese Gibson, who I used to listen to quite a bit when I was growing up. The couple married in 2017, happily welcomed a daughter in 2018, and promptly announced their divorce in December 2020. Lee and Gibson were married three years, called it quits, and then spent the next two years going through a divorce. According to both of them, it was an ugly situation. Now, after some time has passed, she has some regret about the divorce.
Credit: Screenshot of Hardly Initiated podcast.
Lee has explained in interviews that it’s important to have wise counsel in your life because if she had been talking to different people at that time, she would not have made the decision to divorce him. She says, “Women, specifically, there will be moments where they’ll be like, ‘I’m ready to be done.’ … And because you don’t have a certain person in your life to check you and say, ‘Sis, what about this? What about these strengths? What about what he’s not doing?’ Those types of things. That can get you thinking about the positive aspects of this person that you may not be thinking about when you’re upset. You’re only thinking about what you’re mad about. You’re not thinking about all the other positive aspects of this person. In those moments, you need somebody to be the person for that person.” She listened to the wrong voices and the wrong advice — and now, she regrets it.
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Likely, the women surrounding her at the time were largely liberal, spouting never-ending liberal messages from the mainstream media. They were likely in the same climate of toxic women who shout about earning their own money and living independently, climbing the career ladder, and avoiding any familial aspirations. Lee and Gibson were married for three years; they should have still been in the honeymoon phase. But rather than work on her marriage, she listened to her girlfriends who were making her feel “empowered.” In turn, Gibson has called her heartless, and he certainly hasn’t forgiven her. According to him, their relationship was not abusive and there was no reason for her to abruptly pack up their one-year-old child and leave — other than the fact of there being ill-advised women in her ear flanked alongside a poisonous culture.
While divorce is not necessarily a political topic, it is evidence of what happens if you follow liberal ideologies, if you buy into feminism when you are young, and if you carry on with it for too long. When you’re in your 20s, the days are long; you think you’re going to be young forever and you have all the time in the world to figure out if and when you want a family. But 30 will smack you in the face. It’s a completely different ballgame. Inevitably, women begin to feel a tug to settle down and have a family. And the difference between your life and prospects in your 20s as a young woman compared with your life and prospects in your 30s is quite dramatic.
Young women need to pay attention to these cultural examples. Pay attention to the women who make you feel empowered when you’re listening to their music, whether it’s Beyoncé, Taylor Swift (who everyone loves except me), or whomever. First, look at their lives and see whether their music is reflected in their lives. Next, if it’s not, separate their music from their life. If it is, setting aside their wealth, assess if it’s reflected in a positive manner. Do you believe they are actually happy and whole? Or do their songs just condition listeners to believe freedom will render happiness?
In reality, it is discipline that will render you freedom. Water the grass where you stand, which will make you happier in the future. That’s an important message for women everywhere.