Opinion

NY Times Says Trump’s Effective Actions Threaten To Undermine The Very Foundation Of The American Narrative [Satire]

   DailyWire.com
Copies of the New York Times sit for sale in a rack July 23, 2008 in New York City.
Mario Tama/Getty Images

The following is satirical, except for that one line about The New York Times, which is deadly serious.

President Trump recently announced Emergency FDA approval for an effective plasma therapy for the Chinese Flu. Or the Wuflu. Or Covid-19, which stands for, “China: Oh, Vicious In Despotism, times 19.” Or something like that.

The New York Times, a former newspaper, denounced Trump’s action, saying that if the therapy should, in fact, turn out to be effective, it presents a serious threat to the First Amendment by hampering the press in its duty to spread unreasoning terror in the hopes of getting Joe Biden elected.

In an editorial personally written by Times editor-in-chief Blithering Prevarication III on his personal velvet-sheathed laptop with the sparkly keys meant to represent the glittering quality of his integrity in attacking injustice whenever and wherever it threatens the election of a Democrat — and in attacking justice under the same circumstances — Mr. Third wrote, “The idea that any action taken by Donald Trump could reduce the death and suffering from this pandemic is an unprecedented danger to this republic because it could turn voters toward Donald Trump who is an unprecedented danger to this republic and thus cause his reelection which would be an unprecedented danger to this republic.”

“Trump has already begun to bring peace to the Middle East which is not only a stab in the back to the cause of innocent and oppressed terrorists everywhere but also harms the reputations of foreign policy experts merely because they happen to have been wrong about everything,” Third continued. “Now he threatens to reduce deaths from Covid-19 which could undermine the very foundations of the great and good narrative we were planning to peddle straight through November.”

Presumptive former Democrat president Joe Biden said in his convention speech last week that he would create testing, staffing and manufacturing build-ups that Trump has already created.

Biden now says he is working on getting emergency FDA approval for an effective plasma therapy, a move the Times hailed as brilliant.

More satire from Andrew Klavan: Bill Clinton Celebrates A Hundred Years Of Abusing Women Till They Vote For You

Already have an account?

Got a tip worth investigating?

Your information could be the missing piece to an important story. Submit your tip today and make a difference.

Submit Tip
The Daily Wire   >  Read   >  NY Times Says Trump’s Effective Actions Threaten To Undermine The Very Foundation Of The American Narrative [Satire]