Over the Fourth of July weekend, Colin Kaepernick tweeted: “We [meaning black people] reject your celebration of white supremacy &amp; look forward to liberation for all.”
On Monday, Disney announced that it had signed a commitment to develop content with Kaepernick, which would include potential shows on Hulu, movies with Pixar, and an ESPN docuseries about Kaepernick’s career.
Nikole Hannah-Jones is the New York Times race hustler-slash-reporter who engineered the dishonest 1619 Project, which falsely claims the United States was founded on principles of slavery and racism. She says she’d be “honored” to have the recent riots and looting called the “1619 Riots.”
Now Oprah Winfrey and movie studio Lions Gate are partnering with Hannah-Jones to transform 1619 “into an expansive portfolio of films, television series and documentaries, unscripted programming and other forms of entertainment,” according to the industry website Deadline.
But so what? Conservatives have “God is Not Dead 16: This Time God is Really Not Dead,” with even more smiling piety than the last sequel, and absolutely no cussing or sex for two hours or until the audience dies of self-satisfaction, whichever comes first.
And we have Ayn Rand. In fact, those on the Right who believe in the philosophy of Ayn Rand should be delighted for Kaepernick and Hannah-Jones. They’re living the Randian dream: making big money through their creations with no regard for the objections of the little people who believe in things like moral truth.
Those conservatives, on the other hand, who have misgivings about ignorant creeps burning down our cities, might ask themselves if maybe value-free capitalism and reality-free Christianity are not a winning cultural strategy for the Right. Because, if the rioting 1619 creeps are a product of sixty years of leftist propaganda, just think what the country will look like twenty years from now when Colin and Nikole get through with it.
But there’s a different message out there: “Hamilton,” the Tony-winning Broadway hip-hop musical by Lin-Manuel Miranda.
“Hamilton” is spectacularly good. I hate hip-hop music, but Miranda is a superb lyricist with a real understanding of the American musical stage. The show is historically accurate (for a musical). It has brilliantly etched characterizations. And it includes two numbers — &#8220;Helpless&#8221; and &#8220;Unimaginable&#8221; — which are as good as anything I’ve seen onstage, and I’ve seen everything.
“Hamilton” is also the anti-1619. It not only portrays the founding fathers as people of color singing songs in traditionally black genres like hip-hop and R &amp; B, it shows them as young, scrappy black men ready to seize the historical moment and take their shot at greatness.
In other words, Miranda, of Puerto Rican descent, is saying that U.S. history is his history too. When you become an American, you inherit it.
I know how he feels. A Jewish kid growing up in the sixties, I was twelve before I realized I wasn’t descended from Ben Franklin and George Washington. My teachers called them our forefathers, so I figured I was part of the family.
That’s called assimilation: you adopt a grand history of ideas as a dominant over-structure to the history of your particular tribe. As an American, you become the idea-descendant of the Founding Fathers.
“Hamilton,” then, is the opposite of 1619. 1619 says America is inherently, unchangeably antithetical to people of color. “Hamilton” says, no, we can join in the greatness too. The Left hates this. They tell us that assimilation is a racist code word. Why should we adopt the ideas of dead white males, they ask, even as they are turning on a light bulb or driving a car or using a computer, which are also the ideas of dead white males.
In fact, assimilation is the opposite of racism — that’s why the racist Left hates it. Assimilation is adopting the best ideas no matter who thought of them. Assimilation says freedom is good, and if the British and their colonists figured out how to bottle it, pass the bottle. It’s my bottle now too.
Conversely, the Left says: if whites discovered fire, we’ll sit in the dark.
Assimilation was not always open to blacks, but it is now, and many of them know it. You can tell they know it because it also inspired another popular cultural work, “Get Out,” a horror movie in which a black man about to marry into a WASP family discovers that blacks who assimilate have their souls stolen.
I’m familiar with that fear too. When I discovered I believed in Jesus Christ, I had to ask myself: Is this faith, or just another stage in the process of assimilation? I had to think hard before I was certain I was acting from my authentic self.
We need more “Hamiltons,” a lot more. We need more conservatives who recognize what “Hamilton” is. We need more real talk from conservatives about assimilation: its beauty — the fact that it elevates you above tribe into a community of great ideas — and its difficulties — the fact that it inevitably draws you away from your blood ancestry and culture.
Instead we waffle between aesthetic garbage like Ayn Rand and “God is Not Dead.” We allow Colin Kaepernick and Nikole Hannah-Jones to spew their racist hatred into the cultural atmosphere unchecked.
We have a tough election coming up. We may well lose in November. But if we lose the fight for the culture, we’ll lose everything forever.
The Daily Wire is one of America’s fastest-growing conservative media companies and counter-cultural outlets for news, opinion, and entertainment. Get inside access to The Daily Wire by becoming a <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/subscribe">member</a>.

Hamilton

KLAVAN: ‘Hamilton’ Is The Anti-1619 Project

1619 Project

Colin Kaepernick

Conservatism

Leftism

Nikole Hannah-Jones

The following is satirical. 
Leftist radicals have released a new manifesto, declaring their righteous purposes in destroying everything and terrorizing everybody.
In a statement painted in make-believe blood on the wall of an immigrant’s shop, the radicals selflessly set aside the important business of their day, which was painting on the walls of other shops, in order to make known the beautiful future that awaits the smoldering ruin of the country.
The statement reads:
“We of the Resistance demand that nobody puts up any resistance so we can continue to be the resistance without meeting any resistance.
&#8220;We are dedicated to pushing forward a socialist agenda by gaining support from the CEO’s of multi-billion-dollar international corporations who make an absolute fortune putting out books and movies and statements in support of our agenda while they sit on their yachts waiting for us to become homeless and die.
&#8220;We radicals demand inclusiveness by excluding anyone who is not like us and seek diversity by ensuring that everyone thinks the same thing, and demand freedom by forcing everyone to agree with everything we say.
“We believe in defunding the police because Black Lives Matter and yes, when there are no police, there will be many fewer black lives but just think how much they’ll matter.
“We believe in pulling down statues of white people and black people and elks and anyone who has ever accomplished anything which just makes us feel bad about ourselves.
“We have a plan to replace inequality with equality and injustice with justice and in general with general so that we at last destroy all words that begin with ‘in’ and replace them with almost the same words but without &#8216;in,&#8217; then everything will be great.
&#8220;This is our manifesto, and now that we see it in writing, we realize even we have no idea what we’re talking about and should be stopped before we hurt someone.”
More satire from Andrew Klavan: <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/news/medical-experts-declare-ghislaine-maxwell-will-have-committed-suicide-when-she-commits-suicide-satire">Medical Experts Declare Ghislaine Maxwell Will Have Committed Suicide When She Commits Suicide </a>

Insane

After Reading Their Own Manifesto, Radical Anti-Americans Realize They’re Insane [Satire]

Satire

The following is satirical. 
A team of crack medical experts have produced a preliminary report declaring that Ghislaine Maxwell will have committed suicide when she is found hanging dead in her cell.
Miss Maxwell was arrested by the FBI after the FBI discovered that now that they weren’t spying on Republican political candidates for Barack Obama, they had a lot of time on their hands and might as well do something sort of fun like catching criminals.
So they charged Miss Maxwell with procuring underage girls for Jeffrey Epstein who committed suicide by hanging himself in his cell in a manner remarkably similar to the manner in which Miss Maxwell will have killed herself when she kills herself.
The team of crack medical experts who filed the report is the same team of cracks who recently declared that people who attended massive protests with riots and looting would not contract or spread the Chinese Flu if their cause was just, their hearts were true, and they really needed a 400-dollar pair of sneakers.
The cracks reached their conclusion by combining the report of a virtual autopsy on the soon-to-be-deceased Miss Maxwell with an Excel Spreadsheet charting how much money you can make as a CNN commentator if you’re willing to talk absolute drivel.
According to the crack findings, Miss Maxwell will have told several unnamed people she was depressed and thinking of ending it all, which should allay any suspicions arising from the fact that the video cameras tracking her cell will only play back old episodes of Madam Secretary and the fact that the entire shift of prison guards witnessed nothing because they had left the building to attend the prison’s first annual Vince Foster Memorial Bocce Ball tournament.
A spokesman for the team of crack medical experts, crack expert Dr. Harvey Crack, told CNN — for a small fee — that the crack experts had released the crack preliminary report to stave off any insane conservative conspiracy theories linking Miss Maxwell’s death to all the other people murdered by the Clintons.
More satire from Andrew Klavan: <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/news/sports-leagues-announce-theyll-change-games-to-insure-they-dont-offend-audience-theyll-no-longer-have-satire">Sports Leagues Announce They’ll Change Games To Ensure They Don’t Offend Audience They’ll No Longer Have</a>

Ghislaine Maxwell and Jeffrey Epstein

Medical Experts Declare Ghislaine Maxwell Will Have Committed Suicide When She Commits Suicide [Satire]

Bill Clinton

Ghislaine Maxwell

Jeffrey Epstein

I have a friend who despises Donald Trump. Whenever Trump does something he finds outrageous, my friend mocks the president’s supporters by mimicking their frequent defense of him: “At least he fights.”
As I’ve often said, Trump is a great big American character with great big American flaws – and some great big American virtues too, often overlooked.
But you know what? At least he fights.
Never-Trumpers have retreated from the political battle we’re actually in to an imaginary world where they are knightly defenders crossing swords with the Ray Harryhausen skeletons of ideological decay. They call their anti-Trump PAC The Lincoln Project. They call their anti-Trump websites The Remnant or The Ramparts. The idea is that they are the last men standing atop the last redoubt fighting for the party of 1860 against the perfidious President the Donald who has so badly disfigured it.
Well, no.
Black Lives Matter – a small and violent radical organization dedicated to a Marxist revolution and bent on hobbling our police and destroying the American family – has terrorized this country with riots and other ugliness for a long month now. They are not black – only one sixth of the protesters are black – and they don’t care about Black Lives or they wouldn’t be attacking the police. The police killed nine unarmed black men in 2018. Seven thousand four hundred blacks died at the hands of murderers that year. More than 200-thousand died at the hands of abortionists. Black Lives Matter doesn’t give a damn.
And yet what is the response of our elites to these terrorist thugs? Corporations rush to show support for them. Democrat governors, who impose unconstitutional bans on worship in the name of keeping us ever-so-safe from the Chinese Virus, celebrate and join in with their massive demonstrations. Democrat spokesmen – also known as the news media – play down the “mostly peaceful” violence while upbraiding and cancel-mugging any law-abiding citizen who dares to draw a gun to defend himself against it.
So what about the Republicans? The ones who get their ideological ideas from Honest Abe. The ones we’re standing on the ramparts to defend the remnants of.
Well, they’re negotiating. Maybe the Marxist terrorists have a point. Maybe some statues should come down. Maybe some Army bases should be renamed. Some are offering a new federal holiday on Juneteenth. Senator Ron Johnson has a great idea – let’s get rid of Columbus Day so the new Black Lives Matter holiday won’t cost the federal government another day of paid leave. We may be handing over our culture to terrorists, but think of the money we’ll save!
Hundreds of former Bush administration officials are endorsing Joe Biden, now little more than a moderate mask for the radicals who would surely run his administration. That’s who they are. That’s who they always were. Compassionate conservatism was Leftism with a flag on it.
Back in the Obama years, the leadership of the Republican Party told me to my face that they would “use” the Tea Partiers to maintain power while meeting none of their demands for constitutional governance. They announced in public that they would never try to impeach Obama, leaving him free to shred the Constitution with his misuse of the IRS, the State Department, and the FBI. They would not legislate against unbridled illegal immigration. They would not cut entitlements. They would not repeal the oppression of Obamacare.
What Lincolnian principles have these people represented in living memory? What ramparts are we standing on to defend what remnant? If the True Republican Party is an outpost, it’s Jamestown, long gone. Donald Trump did not destroy it. He rose to power because it had been destroyed. He is the emanation of their failures.
Republicans – and conservatives – are now what C. S. Lewis called men without chests. They have high-sounding theories and ideas about our founding and our Constitution, but they will not defend them from the radical destroyers.
Their theories and ideas are worthless. As Lewis pointed out, “In battle it is not syllogisms that will keep the reluctant nerves and muscles to their post in the third hour of the bombardment. The crudest sentimentalism… about a flag or a country or a regiment will be of more use.”
The ancients located such sentiments in the chest. With the help of an intellect trained from youth, those sentiments recall us to our duty when it’s time to face losing an election or profits or a social media platform or a sponsor in the defense of principle.
Instead, “we make men without chests and expect of them virtue and enterprise…” Lewis said. “We castrate and bid the geldings be fruitful.”
That’s your Republican Party. That’s your Conservative Movement, too. That’s why Trump is president. Because at least he fights.
The Daily Wire, headed by bestselling author and popular podcast host Ben Shapiro, is a leading provider of conservative news, cutting through the mainstream media’s rhetoric to provide readers with the most important, relevant, and engaging stories of the day. Get inside access to The Daily Wire by becoming a<a href="https://www.dailywire.com/subscribe"> member</a>.

Republican tie

KLAVAN: Republican Men Without Chests

2020 Election

Donald Trump

Joe Biden

Republican Party

The following is satirical.
Joe Biden has given his first press conference since Hector was a pup. The former sentient human being stood bravely before a mob of aggressive reporters who hammered him with such probing questions as, “Do you like puppies?” “How great a Vice President were you?” “Isn’t Donald Trump just so evil?” and “Do you like puppies more than kittens or is it impossible to say since they’re both so very cute and cuddly?”
Biden said the press conference was the best time he’d had since a bevy of prostitutes had competed to earn their pay by servicing him and in fact the experience was remarkably similar, though he hoped the cold sores wouldn’t be as hard to get rid of.
Biden unleashed a furious attack on President Trump, saying the president had shown himself to be a white supremacist by objecting to mostly peaceful violence and the ensuing fires.
The former vice president said it was important to destroy statues, especially the ones with beards and southern accents because they were the most offensive.
Biden also criticized Trump’s handling of the pandemic, saying, “Trump went ahead against my advice and banned travelers coming in from China, but what he should have done was ban those little black germ-balls with the red feelers coming out of them. They’re what’s spreading the virus, not Chinese people. You don’t see Chinese people with red feelers coming out of them.&#8221;
When asked about the debates, Biden said he was proud of his performance and had always known he would be able to beat Donald Trump.
When told the debates hadn’t taken place yet, Biden turned pale and asked for a glass of water.
Toward the end of the press conference, one reporter asked Biden about his cognitive abilities.
Biden said, “There is nothing wrong with my abilities, unless you mean my cognitive abilities, those are completely shot. In fact, I find this subject very upsetting so it’s lucky I’ve forgotten what we were talking about.”
More satire from Andrew Klavan: <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/news/sports-leagues-announce-theyll-change-games-to-insure-they-dont-offend-audience-theyll-no-longer-have-satire">Sports Leagues Announce They’ll Change Games To Ensure They Don’t Offend Audience They’ll No Longer Have</a>

Hector and Andromache

Joe Biden Gives First Press Conference Since Hector Was A Pup [Satire]

The following is satirical. 
As the economy continues to open despite widespread panic among journalists and other journalists and the people who believe journalists who are also journalists, professional sports leagues are discussing changes they would like to make to placate angry hate-filled anti-Americans, who are journalists.
The NFL, for instance, has announced that from now on, its games will begin with players lining up for the National Anthem and then baring their buttocks at the American flag, not in a way meant to convey disrespect, of course, but merely as a reminder that this is the worst country on earth and every single person in it is a piece of garbage who should immediately look in the mirror and spit on his own image.
The players will then swagger to the center of the field, lifting their middle fingers and calling people racist if they refuse to enjoy the sight of men making millions of dollars by throwing a ball around, apparently for their own amusement since, at this point, no one will be watching.
NASCAR has decided it will ban the display of the Confederate Flag, as well as drinking beer, reckless driving, the wearing of cowboy hats, and the appearance of Daisy Dukes on women likely to encourage non-inclusive heterosexual thoughts.
Cars will no longer be decorated by the logos of capitalist corporate sponsors but will instead bear declarations that Black Lives Matter and rainbow pride symbols as they travel slowly but safely around in endless circles under empty grandstands because, at this point, no one will be watching.
Baseball, after a long labor dispute, has decided on a season of three games, each lasting seventeen hours, because the players union complained the old games were just too long.
Players will only participate in the games if they should happen to feel like it, and will not be required to tip their hats after a homerun since no one will be watching.
Major League Soccer has announced their games will go on just as before, with no one watching.
More satire from Andrew Klavan: <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/news/new-polls-shows-americans-trust-news-media-slightly-less-than-make-believe-prince-who-is-holding-their-inheritance-satire">New Poll Shows Americans Trust News Media Slightly Less Than Make-Believe Prince Who Is Holding Their Inheritance</a>

Anthem Protest

Sports Leagues Announce They’ll Change Games To Ensure They Don’t Offend Audience They’ll No Longer Have [Satire]

NASCAR

national anthem

Patriotism

Sports

From the moment the 2016 election became a choice between Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton, I began to remark that it was a tragic situation. It was only recently I realized that no one understood what I was saying.
Americans don’t actually have the word tragic in their vocabulary or, that is, they only use it to mean “very sad.” The death of a young person is tragic, or an earthquake, or a crime.
That isn’t what I meant. I was using the word in reference to tragic drama. It refers to the disaster inherent in certain interactions between human nature and events. When great civilizations peak, for example, the people grow careless and stupid and destroy them. That’s an example of tragedy. On paper, it doesn’t have to happen. In life, it does happen, and once you reach the tragic stage of the process, there’s no way out.
The 2016 election was tragic because our political system had become so empty and our elites so decadent that the only choice they could put before us was between, one, a career criminal dedicated to the corrupt and immoral culture that was already stripping our ideals of their meaning and, two, a graceless outsider who is a creation of that culture and so – despite his many talents and excellent instincts – has no understanding of our higher purposes and absolutely no clue how to behave.
There is no playing three-dimensional chess with history. It will beat you every time. The 2016 choice was simple. A vote for Hillary – or a vote for no one which was in fact a vote for Hillary – was a vote to allow the decay to spread, perhaps irrevocably. A vote for Trump was a vote to throw a wrench in the machine and take our chances with the chaos that followed.
Don’t get me wrong. Trump, in my opinion, has done a very good job as president of a decadent and shambolic republic. With the world economy damaged by the Chinese pandemic, it’s easy to forget how much he has accomplished. Where’s the ISIS caliphate Obama’s incompetence created? Gone. Where are the border invasions from the south? Over. Where are the economy-killing regulations? Repealed. Where are the anti-constitutional leftist judges, the anti-Israel policy, the cozying up to terrorist Iran?
And while the Left hurls insults at Trump relentlessly, who the hell are they to talk? Barack Obama was so amazingly corrupt he unleashed our legal and intelligence powers on an opposing political candidate. Governor Andrew Cuomo thinks vandalizing statues is legitimate protest. Governor Gretchen Whitmer bans church services then marches in mass protests. Their candidate for president is a morally empty and senile old man who is fit to serve as nothing but a ventriloquist dummy for radicals. Their cities are on fire with riots, filthy with litter, littered with homeless, rife with drugs. Their press lies. They hate America – they say so. They don’t believe in free speech – they say that too.
But – and this is Trump’s tragedy and ours – the very personal qualities that give Trump the pugilism and the courage to stand up to the corruption of our broken system are the same qualities that make him unpalatable to a huge number of Americans.
That’s why the polls show Trump trailing in a race with an unscrupulous idiot. Because of the way he acts. Because of the way he talks. Because of the way he treats people who deserve respect, like Rex Tillerson and Jeff Sessions and James Mattis, so that they come back and bite him. We love him when he punches the press and the Democrats. They’re lowlifes. They deserve it. But he never turns it off, which makes you feel it’s not about fighting for us. It’s just personal. It’s just the way he is.
And yet we have to do all we can to ensure Trump wins the November election. I don’t know if our wobbly republic can withstand four years of governance by Marxist criminals with no regard for the rule of law. There is no opting out of this. Conservatives who pat themselves on the back for coming up with lovely theories that have no chance of becoming political reality – they’re part of the problem. They’re why the public chose Trump in the first place.
So we’re faced with a choice between a brain-dead corruption monkey on the Democrat side and a raging bull in a china shop on the Republican side. We know what we have to do, but let’s not kid ourselves. The choice is just as tragic as it was the last time.
The Daily Wire, headed by bestselling author and popular podcast host Ben Shapiro, is a leading provider of conservative news, cutting through the mainstream media’s rhetoric to provide readers the most important, relevant, and engaging stories of the day. Get inside access to The Daily Wire by becoming a <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/subscribe">member</a>.

Trump

KLAVAN: Trump Is Our Only Hope, And That’s Just Sad

Hillary Clinton

The following is satirical.
A new poll shows the news media dead last in public trust. According to the poll, Americans have the most trust in hospitals at 93 percent whereas only 48 percent trust Congress, 36 percent trust cable news advertisers, 23 percent trust a guy who wrote to them saying he was the son of Prince Ungoozi of the Republic of Shagmandu and he was holding a multi-million dollar inheritance for them, 17 percent trust the two spooky twins from the movie The Shining, 12 percent trust the unshaven man in a slouch hat who’s been following them around for the last three days, and finally the news media is trusted by 2 percent of people running to catch their connecting flight to Philadelphia who saw a guy talking into the camera on TV but said they weren’t really listening to what he said but he seemed nice.
There was a disparity in the poll between Republicans and Democrats with the Republican who trusted the news media being named Oscar Gunthauser, though it was difficult to make out what he was saying because he was a recent stroke victim and might just have been asking for a sip of water.
Conversely, on the Democrat side, a full 25 percent said they did trust the news media and were also considering making a donation to Joe Biden’s campaign as soon as they received their inheritance from the Republic of Shagmandu.
The company that conducted the poll has been doing follow up interviews trying to understand the results and say they feel the Republicans may be more suspicious of the news media because the news media lies all the time, whereas Democrats trust the news media more because they’re gormless idiots.
In a sampling of remarks from the interviews, a typical Democrat statement was listed as, “Gawrsh, Mickey, it sure is a beautiful day, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh,” whereas Republicans were more likely to say words to the effect of “Get off my lawn before I blow your head off.”
More satire from Andrew Klavan: <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/news/biden-campaign-proposes-one-debate-moderated-by-the-day-nurse-biden-calls-nana-satire">Biden Campaign Proposes One Debate Moderated By The Day Nurse Biden Calls ‘Nana’</a>

Goofy

New Poll Shows Americans Trust News Media Slightly Less Than Make-Believe Prince Who Is Holding Their Inheritance [Satire]

Media Bias

The following is satirical.
Negotiations have begun over the format for the 2020 presidential debates.
The Trump campaign is suggesting four debates, to be carried out with a choice between broadswords and spiked maces with whoever first has his head crushed or completely severed declared the loser and whoever ends up roaring in blood-drenched victory at the scarlet sky securing the right to paint his half-naked body with the guts of his enemy and rename himself Kratos, God of War.
The Biden campaign, conversely, is requesting a single debate, lasting seventeen minutes or until the beginning of naptime, whichever comes first. The venue will be the window of Biden’s cellar where his face will appear in a mask and sunglasses so that no one will notice when he’s quietly replaced by a younger man who can still speak a coherent English sentence.
The three moderators requested by the Biden campaign are, one, Biden’s day nurse, whom he fondly refers to as Nana; two, old Mr. Willoughby, who drives the ice cream truck in Biden’s neighborhood and frequently offers the candidate a free orange crème popsicle out of pity; and three, Chuck Todd.
Questions are to be asked very slowly in a gentle voice so as not to awaken the candidate, and in the latter part of the debate, questions will be sung to the tune of “Baa Baa Black Sheep,” and accompanied by Joe’s favorite music box.
The Biden campaign reserves the right to vet questions to insure they don’t include any irrelevant subjects like math or how to run the country.
A counter-offer from the Trump campaign suggests that all the debates be held on a single night, beginning with fifteen rounds of bare-knuckle boxing at 8AM, then a break for steak and eggs followed by a noontime wrestling match, and finally, after a dinner sausage-eating competition, a final debate where the two men simply scream into each other’s faces.
The Biden campaign says they’ll return with their own counter proposal as soon as their candidate regains consciousness.
More satire from Andrew Klavan: <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/news/enraged-leftists-claim-pences-statement-all-lives-matter-is-a-dog-whistle-to-christians-and-their-universal-love-satire">Enraged Leftists Claim Pence’s Statement ‘All Lives Matter’ Is A Dog Whistle To Christians And Their Universal Love</a>

Person holding an ice lolly on a sunny day

Biden Campaign Proposes One Debate Moderated By The Day Nurse Biden Calls ‘Nana’ [Satire]

The following is satirical.
Vice President Mike Pence is under attack for refusing to say &#8220;Black Lives Matter&#8221; but instead declaring that &#8220;all lives matter.&#8221;
On CNN, the lovely Miss Brian Stelter flew into a girlish pet at the news and hand-bagged the VP, declaring, “Black Lives Matter is a highly effective organization whose defund the police policies have achieved more innocent black deaths in a single weekend than the police have caused in the last two years.&#8221;
&#8220;Their uplifting battle to destroy the traditional family will finally end white privilege by miring black Americans in inescapable dysfunction, making white people feel really guilty so they stop walking around with those smug looks on their faces,&#8221; Stelter continued. &#8220;And BLM fund-raising goes to support the Democrats whose unshakeable commitment to black people can be seen in every city they govern, although you don’t want to see it too close cause you can get killed in those places.&#8221;
&#8220;And yet all Mike Pence can do is say ‘all lives matter,’ which is clearly a dog whistle to Christians with their secret belief in universal love for mankind,&#8221; Stelter concluded.
The lovely Miss Stelter was so upset, she then went to bed for the rest of the day and sobbed pitiably into her nightgown.
At the New York Times, a former newspaper, Editor in Charge of Flagrant Historical Distortion, Nicole-Racial Grift wrote, “For too long Vice President Pence’s self-righteous refusal to commit adultery has signaled his support for the oppressive patriarchal institutions of honesty and decency that would have kept someone like me from achieving my high position. Fortunately, the New York Times has abandoned those institutions, leaving me free to break the chains of fact and history that have for so long enslaved my people, namely lying crazy women.”
Black Lives Matter spokesman Killian Rage said his movement would not be stopped by the Vice President’s lack of support but would press on with their mission to tear stuff down and burn businesses until it leads to something really great.
More satire from Andrew Klavan: <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/news/roger-goodell-wants-to-include-colin-kaepernick-in-his-plans-to-transform-the-nfl-into-a-distant-memory-satire">Roger Goodell Wants To Include Colin Kaepernick In His Plans To Transform The NFL Into A Distant Memory</a>

Brian Stelter

Enraged Leftists Claim Pence’s Statement ‘All Lives Matter’ Is A Dog Whistle To Christians And Their Universal Love [Satire]

Mike Pence

Supreme Court Justice Neil Gorsuch has come under fire from conservatives for his opinion in the Bostock case, the decision that declares that the law forbidding employer discrimination on the basis of sex protects homosexuals and transgenders.
The opinion is absurd, but not for the reasons some conservatives think. The popular Christian website World, for instance, says the decision “expands the definition of sex…to include sexual orientation and gender identity.” That’s not quite right. What the decision does is strip the word sex of any real-world meaning whatsoever.
Gorsuch writes: “An employer violates [the law] when it intentionally fires an individual employee based in part on sex… Because discrimination on the basis of homosexuality or transgender status requires an employer to intentionally treat individual employees differently because of their sex, an employer who intentionally penalizes an employee for being homosexual or transgender also violates [the law].”
In other words, if Mary sleeps with John, and Bob sleeps with John, and you fire Bob, the only reason you are firing him is because of his sex. After all, he has only performed the same action as Mary.
For Gorsuch, to say that you can’t discriminate on the basis of sex is to say that you can’t admit that sex is a category of person with its own traits and nature. His opinion is pure “textualism” in that it treats the text as an entity separate from the real world. It is not “originalism,” because no person could have originally used the word “sex” expecting it to have no real-world meaning.
The opinion has internal logic but, as anyone who has studied logic even for ten minutes knows, logic means nothing if your premise is false. If pigs have wings, then cows are frogs — that’s a logical truth, but it’s not going to help you much down on the farm. So too with Gorsuch’s opinion. If men and women are the same, heterosexuality and homosexuality are the same. But they’re not, so they’re not.
Interestingly, because Gorsuch accepts the irrational premises of leftist gender movements, he exposes their irrationality as well. For instance, the transgender movement claims that transgender women are women in fact. But Gorsuch says, essentially, if Mary says she’s a woman and Bob says he’s a woman, and I fire Bob, I’m only firing him because he’s a man. So it turns out a transgender woman is not a woman, after all.
Gorsuch can’t help but walk into this buzzsaw because leftist gender theory is internally contradictory. The Left wants to have its materialism and eat its spiritualism too. They want to say that there is no difference between men and women, that they have the same desires, propensities, talents, abilities, and sense of the world. But they also want to say that a man can become a woman by having the interior experience of being a woman. But if men and women are the same, how could one have the interior experience of being the other? How would he even know he was having the experience, if the two genders are the same?
The person who understands this unsolvable paradox is Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling. Rowling is currently the target of the hate-filled, logic-free cancel mob because she refuses to admit that transgender “women” are women. She’s right, of course. Transgender women and women can’t possibly be the same thing. If the word same has any meaning, it can’t be the same to feel like a woman when you were born a woman, and to feel like a woman when you were born a man.
“If sex isn’t real, there’s no same-sex attraction,” Rowling has written. “If sex isn’t real, the lived reality of women globally is erased. I know and love trans people but erasing the concept of sex removes the ability of many to meaningfully discuss their lives. It isn’t hate to speak the truth.”
Men and women are different, and one cannot become the other. This is not a statement of “hate” or “prejudice.” It’s a description of reality. Without reality, language describes nothing, logic applies to nothing, and the law means nothing.
The movie “Blow-Up” was made in the 1960s and was a comment on the leftist culture on the rise then as now. In the final scene, the photographer hero watches a group of hippie clowns play tennis with an imaginary ball. Ultimately, the clowns hit the “ball” his way. They demand that he pick it up.
He finally gives in. He picks it up. And he disappears.
Neil Gorsuch has picked up the left’s irrational tennis ball. He’s gone.

Neil Gorsuch

KLAVAN: Neil Gorsuch’s Opinion Is Insane, But Not For The Reason You Think

Supreme Court

The following is satirical. 
NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell is encouraging football teams to sign up third-rate quarterback Colin Kaepernick so he can sneer at America while simultaneously collecting millions and driving his team to ignominious defeat because he’s a third-rate quarterback.
Colon Humperdink is the player who refused to stand during the National Anthem in 2016, saying — and this is a real quote: “I am not going to stand up to show pride in a flag for a country that oppresses Black people and people of color.”
Now, the NFL is saying that Mr. Chopperstink was not disrespecting the flag when he disrespected the flag but was only trying to express his utter disdain for everyone who lived under the flag including those who had fought and died for the flag so that third-rate quarterback Swollen Sapperface would have the right not to stand during the National Anthem.
The NFL, which was paid 8.1 Billion dollars last year by Americans who enjoy the freedoms guaranteed by the flag, said hiring Stalin Stinkerdunk would not be a way of poking each and every one of those Americans in the eye or spitting on their country, which has led the world in civil rights and indeed not only invented many of the civil rights people around the world enjoy but also sent many of its sons to defend those rights, although it never sent Holin Assershmuck because he was too busy playing football, although not very well.
Los Angeles Chargers head coach Anthony Lynn said he was very interested in bringing Smallin Mindersuck onto the team because it fit in with his plan to lose every game next year while insulting the entire country and paying out the hard-earned money of his fans to a third-rate player who hates them not to mention everything they hold dear.
Roger Goodell says hiring Wallon Hoopdedoo also fits in with his plans which are to transform the NFL from a vastly profitable enterprise to a distant memory of something that used to matter, sort of like Colin Kaepernick.
More satire from Andrew Klavan: <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/news/absurd-evangelicals-blame-sin-for-everything-from-the-coronavirus-to-the-fact-that-the-moon-has-turned-to-blood-satire">Absurd Evangelicals Blame Sin For Everything From The Coronavirus To The Fact That The Moon Has Turned To Blood </a>

Roger Goodell Wants To Include Colin Kaepernick In His Plans To Transform The NFL Into A Distant Memory [Satire]

Roger Goodell

Social Justice

The following is satirical.
Americans all across this great land from Third Avenue in Manhattan all the way to Seventh Avenue are outraged by the comments of conservative pastors who say the nation’s recent problems are a punishment for sin.
In the New York Times, a former newspaper, Editor-in-Chief Blithering Prevarication the Third published a tirade on the op-ed page, or as it’s sometimes called Knucklehead Row.
Mr. Third wrote: “It is absolutely disgusting that conservative preachers with laughably thin necks and narrow faces are blaming sinfulness for everything from the Absolutely Not Chinese Virus to the recent mostly peaceful riots to the fact that the moon has turned to blood to the frogs raining down on my Park Avenue Townhouse and the swarm of locusts that descended on our garden devouring over $75,000 worth of transplanted saffron crocuses which Buffy, my fourth wife, and I had been hoping to use to dye our sailing outfits a fetching shade of yellow before heading out to the Hamptons for the summer. The primitive notion that these could be anything other than natural occurrences becomes all the more offensive once you realize that I don’t even allow any wrong opinions to appear in my newspaper anymore so what sin could there possibly be?”
LGBTQMNOPXYZ Activist Herman Aphrodite, a spokesman for the Society in Favor of Screwing Anything that Moves, declared the pastors’ comments homophobic in a wildly shrieking voice as he was being carried off by a gigantic bat with a human face.
Planned Parenthood Spokeswoman Carmine Slaughter also denounced the pastors, saying, “It is long past time this sort of backward religiosity was cleared away so we can get down to work sucking out the brains of babies and selling their body parts for cash.”
Ms. Slaughter said she found the pastors’ remarks ugly and absurd and something else that was impossible to make out after she was dragged beneath the earth by a small army of flaming skeletons.
Supreme Court Justice Neil Gorsuch was unavailable for comment.
More satire from Andrew Klavan: <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/news/totally-reliable-experts-predict-virus-curtailed-by-mass-protests-will-start-to-spread-again-if-trump-holds-rallies">Totally Reliable Experts Predict Virus Curtailed By Mass Protests Will Start To Spread Again If Trump Holds Rallies</a>

Blood moon on night sky

Absurd Evangelicals Blame Sin For Everything From The Coronavirus To The Fact That The Moon Has Turned To Blood [Satire]

Coronavirus

New York Times

Religion

The following is satirical.
Scientific Experts from the Union of Scientific Experts Who Are Totally Reliable This Time — or USEWTRTT — are expressing concern that the spread of the Chinese Virus, which had been brought to a standstill by radical left protests, may begin again if Donald Trump starts holding rallies.
USEWTRTT Spokesman Doctor Seymour Mendacious, who has a PHD in Amazingly Accurate Predictions, said that computer models from the Absolutely Believable Computer Model company are predicting with amazing accuracy that if Trump holds rallies, the virus could suddenly spread to totally innocent people at utterly peaceful riots, and may even cause them to drop the TV they were heroically rescuing from the burning electronics store.
At a press conference made from behind a podium manufactured by the Extremely Serious Looking Podium Company, Dr. Mendacious produced the computer models from the Absolutely Believable Computer Model Company and told journalists from the Completely Honest News Network — or CHNN — that the spread could be worsened by the virus’s systemic racism.
Dr. Mendacious said “We at the Union of Scientific Experts Who Are Totally Reliable This Time would like to tell you — of the Completely Honest News Network — that this is a particularly nasty disease in the way it virulently spreads from irresponsible gatherings of Trump supporters to strike down people performing essential tasks like gathering en masse to blame the police for things. What’s more, the disease harms mostly women because they’re the ones who must mourn their husbands and fathers, while the men have been put out of their misery by a slow and painful death.”
Dr. Mendacious went on to say, “Seeing as the computer models from the Absolutely Believable Computer Model Company are absolutely believable, we are recommending that every business in the entire galaxy be shut down until the economy is so bad people vote for Democrats out of sheer hunger-driven stupidity, or until I get my medical degree, whichever comes first.”
More satire from Andrew Klavan: <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/news/celebrity-i-take-responsibility-for-all-the-rotten-stuff-youre-doing-satire">Celebrity: I Take Responsibility For All The Rotten Stuff You’re Doing</a>

Protesters hold placards during the demonstration.Protests

Totally Reliable Experts Predict Virus Curtailed By Mass Protests Will Start To Spread Again If Trump Holds Rallies [Satire]

A very sincere apology from a celebrity who has a lot more money than you and has not yet moved out of this crappy, overtaxed state.
I take responsibility.
I take responsibility for everything I’ve never done so that those who have done those things can continue to be irresponsible until they destroy their lives and then I don’t have to worry about them anymore.
I take responsibility for every social ill of the last seven centuries committed by anyone who looks vaguely like me by virtue of having a nose and eyes and being human and doing stuff that humans do to one another but now is somehow my fault because otherwise I’d have to tell you the truth about yourself and then you’d cancel me.
I take responsibility for the fact that you’re sticking a gun in my stomach and demanding all my cash, oh, and now you’re burning down a building and I take responsibility for that too if you’ll just take the gun out of my stomach and here’s my cash and please don’t kill me.
I take responsibility for the fact that no matter what I take responsibility for I’m going to have more money than you. In fact, I’m taking responsibility because it’s cheaper than telling the truth and allows me to keep more of the money I have more of than you, so I can blow this crappy state and leave you with no tax base so you’re screwed.
I take responsibility for every unfunny racial joke I never told, even though the ones I do tell are hilarious, like the one about an Italian, an Asian and a black guy who walk into a bar. But I won’t tell that joke here even though it really is hilarious. I’ll just tell it later when you’re not looking. And I take responsibility for that.
And mostly, I take responsibility for being a fatuous, virtue-signaling, useless, celebrity knucklehead. Which is a much better life than yours by the way. For which I take complete responsibility… and then run away before you realize I haven’t done a damn thing for you and your life still sucks.
More satire from Andrew Klavan: <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/news/protesters-liberate-seattle-from-civilization-satire">Protesters Liberate Seattle From Civilization</a>

Sorry on computer keyboard

Celebrity: I Take Responsibility For All The Rotten Stuff You’re Doing [Satire]

Hollywood

For those of us who truly believe black lives matter, Black Lives Matter is a criminally wicked movement.
BLM’s attacks on the police have resulted and will continue to result in more of the felonious violence that claims so many black victims – in L.A. alone, homicides are up 250 percent since the recent riots.
BLM’s disruption of businesses and encouragement of looting may cow some white liberals now, but they will ultimately increase anti-black sentiment and will slow blacks’ ability to rejoin a resurgent economy.
And BLM’s stated leftist <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/news/black-lives-matter-what-we-believe-page-disrupt-the-western-prescribed-nuclear-family-dismantle-cisgender-privilege">commitment</a> to “disrupt the Western-prescribed nuclear family structure requirement” is just one more stage in the Left’s destruction of precisely that family structure that is the only hope of black children.
The Democrats think they can control this violent outfit and use them to protect the multi-billion-dollar welfare patronage scam that has maintained their power base for 60 years while keeping blacks dependent and socially hobbled. It’s a cruel con. Because Democrats are in the pocket of corrupt teachers’ unions, they destroy the charter schools that give black kids a chance. But they absolutely love BLM’s gobbledygook talk of “white supremacy” and “systemic racism” because those are amorphous nothings that can never be addressed. They therefore allow whites a warming sense of self-accusatory virtue while keeping blacks mired in endless self-destroying grievance politics that will never undermine the oppressive systems that profit Democrat elites.
Now, because of the BLM-Democrat complex, all of virtuous Washington is focused on police reform. Police Departments are powerful organizations and should always be on the lookout for ways to lighten their touch while still controlling crime. But while relations between police and black Americans may be problematical, surely one important source of that trouble must be the extraordinary high crime rate in black neighborhoods. When 13 percent of the population – and it’s really six percent because we’re mostly talking about men – commit roughly 50 percent of the murders, mostly of other blacks, police reform is an issue on the margins.
Meanwhile, because of Democrat welfare policies that encouraged irresponsible parenting, Democrat feminist philosophy that discounted the worth of fathers, and Democrat encouragement of sexual liberation that discounted the value of marriage, blacks now have an illegitimacy rate <a href="https://www.hoover.org/research/race-and-economics">higher</a> than when Democrat slavemasters were actually breaking up their families by design. Study after study shows that, without fathers, children are at high risk of failure, substance abuse, and crime. But no one has the guts to address this central issue.
The Democrat Party is a cancer on black American lives. The latest stage of that cancer is Black Lives Matter.
Yet if you speak any of these truths online or out loud, you are in danger of losing your job or your reputation. A UCLA college professor was suspended after he followed a university directive and refused to bow to virtue signaling white students’ demands to reschedule an exam for black students in the wake of George Floyd’s death. An NBA play-by-play announcer had to resign after tweeting “All Lives Matter.” And so on.
Corporations, constrained by decades of restrictive and arbitrary civil rights legislation and law, are terrified. They can be sued for just thinking racist thoughts, and the evidence to prove the case against them can include some untoward remark some employee made ten years ago in the back of a taxi after a couple of drinks. No wonder they fire you if you say anything that might come back to haunt them.
The result is a fear of speaking the truth. Which means lies win. Which means the Left and its media have been allowed to create a Matrix – an entirely false narrative in which just those very prescriptions that will make black lives worse provide whites a sense of virtue while continuing the Democrat destruction of actual black lives.
My suspicion is that a great many black Americans know this. But they too are afraid. Their leaders are invested in this system. A scurrilous con man like Al Sharpton Junior draws all his prestige and power from it. Corrupt and incompetent black politicians around the country thrive in it. Stand up to them and you too will be penalized for transgressing the Matrix.
All people have tribal prejudices, but Americans are not racist in any way that hampers success. Jamaicans and Nigerians succeed here. Koreans and Chinese and Indians and Japanese and Jews and everybody else. 
Only that small segment of our society that has been the constant recipient of Democrat largesse and governance is continually mired in crime and dysfunction. That leads people to regard that segment with suspicion, hostility, and fear. Free blacks from the Democrats and they will rise like every other group in America.
But for that to happen, we’re going to need a bigger red pill.
More from Andrew Klavan: <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/news/klavan-black-americans-are-being-used-as-pawns-by-the-leftist-elite">Black Americans Are Being Used As Pawns By The Leftist Elite</a>

BLM protest

KLAVAN: The Racial Matrix

Black Lives Matter

Democratic Party

Democrats

Racism

The following is satirical.
Hundreds of far-left protesters stormed Seattle City Hall yesterday and demanded that the mayor step down because she is refusing to defund the police who are preventing them from destroying western civilization.
Protester Dirtbag Moron — not his real name — told reporters, “Sure, we can rampage violently through the halls of government, but as long as there are still police around, we can’t rape and kill with impunity. How is society supposed to have justice when there are still people with the privilege of not being terrorized?”
The protesters immediately declared the area The Socialist Woketopia Paradise of Seattle, and began spying on people and randomly beating up anyone who looked like they might one day have a thought that was not in keeping with their philosophy which is to spy on people and beat up anyone who might one day have a thought that was not in keeping with their philosophy.
The mayhem only stopped when they ran out of food and had to use their iPhones to call Pizza Hut to tell them that capitalist corporations were evil and please send over two dozen large pies with pepperoni and black olives because black olives matter. The pizza delivery guy showed up and was promptly robbed at gunpoint because money is bad.
The leader of the protesters — Dirtbag Moron — no relation to the other Dirtbag Moron, except being a dirtbag and a moron — told an imaginary gathering of happy comrades in the utopia that exists only in his imagination but is just like Seattle except not on fire and filled with homeless people: “When all America looks like Seattle does now, we will at last have justice. And possibly scurvy. I look forward to the day when no one will go hungry because there’ll be a cat in every garbage fire and a car in every ash heap where there used to be a garage.”
The protesters say the protests will continue until there is social justice for all or something good is on Netflix.
More satire from Andrew Klavan: <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/news/ilhan-omar-reimagines-law-enforcement-without-law-or-enforcement-satire">Ilhan Omar Reimagines Law Enforcement Without Law Or Enforcement</a>

Seattle Autonomous Zone

Protesters Liberate Seattle From Civilization [Satire]

Antifa

Law Enforcement

Seattle

The following is satirical.
Minnesota Congresswoman and Absolutely Terrible Person Ilhan Omar says it’s time we dismantled police departments so we can “reimagine public safety.”
In a speech made before the demons of hell as they waited with bated fiery breath for the moment when they would be set free to drag her into the pit of eternal flames, Congresswoman Omar said, “It is absolutely intolerable that racist police can arrest someone just because she married her own brother in an attempt to give him fraudulent citizenship. Not that that ever happened. I’m just saying if it did happen and someone was arrested for doing that, it would be intolerable for that particular congresswoman.”
Congresswoman Omar said she was planning to meet with other thoroughly disgusting human beings to discuss new ways of envisioning law enforcement without such outdated qualities as law or enforcement.
Congresswoman Omar told a gathering of maggots crawling over the body of a human sacrifice, “I believe in neighborhood peacekeeping groups comprised of young men who not only protect anyone who pays them a weekly fee in unmarked bills placed in brown paper bags, but will also deliver needed pharmaceuticals from the finest laboratories in Mexico which would also provide jobs for naked American women who will lace the product with baking soda and occasionally bleach.”
Congresswoman Omar was joined in her drive to eliminate policing by a large collection of college age white women who were part of a movement to help normalize the inability to reason.
As spokeswoman Tiffany Stupid screamed at the top of her lungs, “I am sick and tired of having the ability to call the police any time I just happen to be raped and beaten within an inch of my life. Women in marginalized communities can’t do that, or if they can, I would like to live there.”
Other proposals to reimagine public safety include burning the city of Minneapolis to the ground and praying for the return of Jesus as soon as churches reopen.
More satire from Andrew Klavan: <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/news/totally-scientific-experiments-show-virus-wont-spread-among-crowds-if-democrats-approve-of-their-cause-satire">Totally Scientific Experiments Show Virus Won’t Spread Among Crowds If Democrats Approve Of Their Cause</a>

George Floyd Oakland Protests

Ilhan Omar Reimagines Law Enforcement Without Law Or Enforcement [Satire]

Defund The Police

Ilhan Omar

Race

Of course, America is not a racist country. It is the least racist country, the only country even to attempt such a high level of multi-ethnicity with such comity and compassion. And there is approximately zero percent systemic racism here, if by systemic racism you mean barriers to advancement of a particular race built into our systems. That people dislike and distrust one another on tribal grounds is a fact of human life. That hasn’t stopped Jews, Irish, Jamaicans, Nigerians or anyone else from doing well here.
Why, then, is it a virtue to pretend? Why should I — an absolutely lovely person who has nothing but good will toward anyone who does not annoy me — apologize for anything I have not done? Indeed, I would like to declare right here and now that when you look upon my bald head, you should see, not atonement for some racial sin, but a great, big old imaginary tattoo telling antifas and Black Lives Matter they can both pound sand.
I am told that as a white man I cannot understand another sort of person’s “lived experience.” I am not convinced. I know a fellow who is a racial bigot. He hates black people. We argue. He says: “If I am mugged or robbed, it will be a black man who does it. Why should I not hate them?” I say: “Well, there is a history of prejudice and oppression that has made the black situation difficult.” He says: “What do I care? I just don’t want to be mugged — and in my lived experience, it’s the blacks I have to fear.”
“Lived experience,” is not a proof of anything. Facts, as a friend of mine might say, don’t care about your “lived experience.” “Lived experience” is where you begin the search for truth.
Here is the truth. Seventy-two percent of black Americans are satisfied with the performance of their local police departments, according to a new Monmouth University poll. Researchers at Harvard, University of Maryland, and Michigan State University all similarly, in the words of one researcher, “didn’t find evidence for anti-Black or anti-Hispanic disparity in police use of force across all shootings, and, if anything, found anti-White disparities when controlling for race-specific crimes.” (This was reported by Jason Riley in the Wall Street Journal.)
There are more than 800,000 police officers in the United States: that’s somewhere around the population of San Francisco. Some of those officers are going to be bad guys. Even if it’s only five percent — which would place police officers somewhere between the angels and the saints — that’s over 40,000 villains in blue. Meanwhile, blacks commit a disproportionate amount of crime. Thirteen percent of our population committed 53 percent of the murders and 60 percent of the robberies in 2018. (This was reported in the WSJ by Heather Mac Donald.)
In other words, it is only a matter of time before a bad cop has an unpleasant encounter with a black person who is committing a crime. These are the two people least likely to extract a good outcome from the morass of history and sociology. Bad things are going to happen.
But since these bad things are not representative, why do I have to pretend that they are? Why should I think for even a moment that riots and looting are a justifiable response? I understand the anger these awful incidents cause, and I do believe reforms are desirable. But since, according to a Monmouth poll, 73 percent of Americans support the protesters&#8217; cause, whom are they protesting against? And where’s the racism?
Impoverished black people are being used as pawns in the Left’s game of thrones. As Daniel Henninger wrote in the WSJ this week, 55 years of leftist policies have sent trillions of dollars’ worth of “Medicaid, food stamps, welfare, public housing, rent subsidies and federal aid to public schools” into poor neighborhoods governed by the Left, and very little in those neighborhoods has changed.
But those trillions of dollars represent patronage jobs and they create political dependency that keeps the Left in power while keeping poor black Americans poor. If they are not kept poor, Democrats will lose power and money. Why would Democrats help them then? It’s against their own interest. Instead, they inspire them to anger and disorder, creating the sort of crisis the Left will not let go to waste.
So go ahead, white leftists. Kneel down. But if you debase yourself before a child without a father, he still has no father. If you debase yourself before a man without a job, he still has no job. If you debase yourself while destroying charter school programs and defending horrendous public housing — why then, you are a Democrat and well and truly debased. Kneel down.
Russian collusion was a leftist hoax. Brett Kavanaugh hysteria was a leftist hoax. The overlong pandemic lockdown was a leftist hoax. So is systemic racism.
There are surely legacies of Jim Crow in this country. I have a heart for my fellow citizens who suffer from them. I strongly support the charter schools and housing plans and social and religious teaching that will ease their difficulties.
But what’s happening now will do nothing for anyone, except maybe the powerful leftist elites who are using those citizens for their own gain.
The Daily Wire, headed by bestselling author and popular podcast host Ben Shapiro, is a leading provider of conservative news, cutting through the mainstream media’s rhetoric to provide readers the most important, relevant, and engaging stories of the day. Get inside access to The Daily Wire by becoming a <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/subscribe">member</a>.

Chess

KLAVAN: Black Americans Are Being Used As Pawns By The Leftist Elite

African American community

protests

Riots

Systemic racism

The following is satirical.
In an amazing health breakthrough, scientists have discovered that the Chinese flu will not spread if people are gathered in a cause which Democrats think is just.
Responding to conservative complaints that Democrats seem to be complete hypocrites who force children to stay home from school while allowing miscreants and radicals to riot through the streets, computer models created by the Totally Scientific Computer Modeling Company showed that large crowds may get together safely if their purpose is in line with Democrat plans to reduce America to ashes.
In tests that sent a wave of relief and joy through the entire totally scientific community, people with the Kung flu were gathered together in a small room while a video was played of Nancy Pelosi applying lipstick to her forehead while she announced, “It is past time we addressed the issues that have remained completely the same since we discovered they could get us elected for no reason.”
After this, the experiment participants dispersed to their nursing homes where they were watched carefully while they coughed up their lungs and died for reasons having absolutely nothing to do with the Flu Manchu.
To ensure accuracy, this totally scientific experiment was repeated with elderly sufferers from the Asian Murder Disease locked in a New York City subway car and forced to watch Barack Obama address the nation exactly as if Joe Biden were a senile hologram who couldn’t speak for himself.
Obama said, “We have waited too long for a president who would address the issues of police tactics as I did for eight years to no effect. Now is the time when we can fix this because we don’t have some total incompetent in office.”
Astoundingly, according to the Totally Scientific Computer Model Company, every single one of the people in this experiment died of completely natural causes within only fourteen days, proving that it is perfectly safe for people to gather together to burn down cities, though it may remain dangerous to try to stop them.
More satire from Andrew Klavan: <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/news/cnns-new-show-gaslight-promises-a-whole-different-world-of-news-than-the-one-were-living-in">CNN’S New Show ‘Gaslight’ Promises ‘A Whole Different World Of News Than The One We’re Living In’</a>

Protests Against Police Brutality Over Death Of George Floyd Continue In NYC

Totally Scientific Experiments Show Virus Won’t Spread Among Crowds If Democrats Approve Of Their Cause [Satire]

Menu