In the wake of the death of Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg, different parties are preparing a response.
The Republicans say President Trump should nominate a replacement and proceed to seek the advice and consent of the Senate as prescribed by the Constitution.
The Democrats say they will burn every city in the country to the ground, terrorize innocent citizens, bring the economy to a standstill and in short continue doing what they’ve been doing for the last four months.
NeverTrumpers say they will support the Democrats because Donald Trump is a danger to the Constitution.
Republicans say they want to appoint a justice who will honor the vision of the American founders and respect the text of the Constitution as written.
Democrats say they want to appoint a justice who will interpret the Constitution as a living document on which all the living words are able to jump up and run away so they can be replaced by other living words that will exchange Americans’ God-given rights for make-believe rights like the right to kill children, the right to use other people’s money as their own, and the right to control the thoughts and actions of their fellow citizens according to any crazy race-based theory they think will serve to destroy the freedoms for which our forefathers fought and died.
NeverTrumpers say they will support the Democrats because Donald Trump is a danger to the Constitution.
The Republicans say we must proceed in keeping with our traditions and laws.
The Democrats say we must honor the dying wish of Justice Ginsburg because she is an angel now like Princess Leia at the end of The Rise of Skywalker, and so has become part of the light side of the Force, and anyone who is against her is on the dark side and must be destroyed, including the writers of the Constitution which is based on slavery or something.
NeverTrumpers say we must support the Democrats because Donald Trump icky-poo stinky-face gobbledegook bing-bong.
So 2020 continues as usual.
More satire from Andrew Klavan: <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/news/bombshell-new-book-bombshell-by-anonymous-is-a-bombshell-say-anonymous-sources-anonymous">BOMBSHELL: New Book ‘Bombshell’ By Anonymous Is A Bombshell Say Anonymous Sources: Anonymous</a>
The Daily Wire is one of America’s fastest-growing conservative media companies and counter-cultural outlets for news, opinion, and entertainment. Get inside access to The Daily Wire by becoming a <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/subscribe">member</a>.

Nancy Pelosi

With Ginsburg Gone, Democrats Say They Must Destroy The Country In Order To Save It [Satire]

Democratic Party

Ruth Bader Ginsburg

Satire

In the wake of the death of Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg, different parties are preparing a response. The Republicans say President Trump

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robots

index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1

googlebot

bingbot

With Ginsburg Gone, Democrats Say They Must Destroy The Country In Order To Save It [Satire] | The Daily Wire

https://editorial.dailywire.com/news/with-ginsburg-gone-democrats-say-they-must-destroy-the-country-in-order-to-save-it-satire/

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On my podcast, I have a running gag about the conspiracy theory known as “Klavanon.” Klavanon is not whatever stupid conspiracy theory is currently making the rounds, it’s the truth on which the outlandish theory is based.
Obviously, Klavanon is a play on the absurd ideas that go by the name of QAnon. According to Wikipedia, “QAnon is a far-right conspiracy theory alleging that a cabal of Satan-worshiping pedophiles running a global child sex-trafficking ring is plotting against President Donald Trump… No part of the theory is based on fact.”
Hold on there, Spunky. NO part is based on fact?
Yes, QAnon is an outrageous online fairy tale that does not in any way describe reality. But to say that no part of it is based on fact misses… well, it misses Klavanon: the truth behind the lunacy.
To wit. Widespread child abuse in the Catholic church, often accompanied by Satanic desecrations, and covered up by conspiracy. Widespread accusations of child abuse in Hollywood—accusations that surface every so often only to mysteriously disappear even while convicted and plausibly suspected abusers are hired to work on major films. Jeffrey Epstein’s virtual enslavement of underage girls, and his allegedly deep ties to powerful people including former president Bill Clinton and England’s Prince Andrew. ABC News, run by former Clinton hack George Stephanopoulos, spiking the Epstein story during Hillary Clinton’s presidential run. Epstein’s death in prison when all the guards happened to be gone and all the security cameras happened to stop working…
The sexual abuse of underage boys and girls by the rich, famous, and powerful, and the conspiratorial cover-up of that abuse is epidemic. The attempt to normalize child abuse is plain in movies like “The Reader” and “American Beauty,” in articles like Pedophilia: A Disorder, Not a Crime in The New York Times, in Hollywood’s defense of child-rapist Roman Polanski, and elsewhere.
Which brings me to “Cuties,” a French film now streaming on Netflix. “Cuties” tells the story of an 11-year-old Sengalese-French girl. Trying to break away from an oppressively patriarchal Islamic home, she seeks freedom with other little girls who imitate their elders by dancing suggestively. The film has repeated scenes of the children grinding and twerking, with the camera zooming in on body parts.
The director, Maïmouna Doucouré, herself a Sengalese Frenchwoman, says her intention was not pornographic, but feminist. “I wanted to open people’s eyes to what’s truly happening in schools and on social media, forcing them to confront images of young girls made up, dressed up and dancing suggestively to imitate their favorite pop icon.”
I believe this was her intent. The film is clearly dramatizing what French novelist Michel Houellebecq records in novels like “Submission”: With Christianity dead, there is nothing for the French to choose from but the oppressive patriarchy of Islam and the hyper-sexuality of the materialist west.
Doucoure has the right and even the obligation to tell her story. But artists are not exempt from moral law. The film is not an evil film, but it commits an evil act. It abuses its young actresses and includes content that is pedophiliac. As I said on my show—and as The Babylon Bee then wrote as satire—if she had killed a dog onscreen to portray cruelty to animals, everyone would have objected.
Instead, when she merely sexually abused children, and risked exciting those who would abuse them, the materialist Left rushed to her defense. One idiot in Slate decried moral objections to the film as a “creepy conservative obsession.”
Because leftism is at heart a materialist creed, it sees sex as the central expression of our human individuality. Coming into the full expression of your desires, no matter how perverse or deluded, is, for the Left, the essence of what Jung called individuation. That you might have an immoral desire and suppress it to reach full humanity is an idea the Left accepts only reluctantly.
But the abuse of children is not just a violation of consent—because a child isn’t wise enough to consent to something as deeply affecting as sex—it is an abuse of power and a perversion of the spirit that often perverts the spirit it abuses. It is a sin in every sense of that word and should remain a crime.
An artist has a right to portray the sin, but not to commit it. And visual artists, like filmmakers, are especially vulnerable in that regard.
Conservatives can be prissy and prudish about the arts—which, after all, have always been delightfully full of sex and violence and delicious sin-by-proxy. But to turn a blind eye to the sin of child abuse, even when unintentionally committed by a well-meaning artist, is to travel even further down the dark road into evil that is materialist leftism.
The Daily Wire is one of America’s fastest-growing conservative media companies and counter-cultural outlets for news, opinion, and entertainment. Get inside access to The Daily Wire by becoming a <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/subscribe">member</a>.

Netflix

KLAVAN: ‘Cuties’ — When Good Artists Do Wrong

child abuse

Cuties

On my podcast, I have a running gag about the conspiracy theory known as “Klavanon.” Klavanon is not whatever stupid conspiracy theory is currently making

KLAVAN: ‘Cuties’ — When Good Artists Do Wrong | The Daily Wire

https://editorial.dailywire.com/news/klavan-cuties-when-good-artists-do-wrong/

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In an emergency conclave held in the ruined Castle of Duplicity set high on the fog-shrouded crags of Mount Corruption, a coven of American journalists gathered in their ceremonial black robes last night to discuss how to disparage Donald Trump’s progress toward peace in the Middle East.
As lightning repeatedly turned the black clouds a sickly gray as a cinematic symbol of ultimate evil, the chairman of the dark gathering, Lord High Master of All Fraudulence George Stephanopoulos called the meeting to order by pounding his gavel made from the skull of an inconvenient child by a Democrat politician’s mistress on a pentagram drawn in the blood of Jeffrey Epstein.
Stephanopoulos suggested that Trump’s Middle East peace deal might be downplayed if the media simply did not ask White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany even a single question that might distract the public from the latest meaningless bombshell from Bob Woodward, who attended the meeting in the shape of a bat, hanging upside down from a stalactite.
Dean Baquet of the New York Times, a former newspaper, also attended in his true form, slithering across the floor to suggest that journalists might explain to their audience that Middle East peace is a grave impediment to the oppressed Palestinians’ yearning to wipe every Jew off the face of the earth.
The suggestion was met with such loud cackling laughter that NBC’s Chuck Todd burst into flame before regaining his shape as a cloven-tailed demon, no bigger than a man’s fist.
CNN’s Dana Bash, who arrived in a puff of purple smoke dressed in black leather and attended by a snarling Brian Stelter and Jim Acosta writhing in chains, suggested that perhaps they could convince the public that peace in the Middle East would lead to war.
Before the gathering could draft a final plan, however, the sun rose, breaking through the black shroud of darkness and forcing the entire conclave back under their worm-ridden rocks, which many of the journalists complained was a violation of the First Amendment.
More satire from Andrew Klavan: <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/news/bombshell-new-book-bombshell-by-anonymous-is-a-bombshell-say-anonymous-sources-anonymous">BOMBSHELL: New Book ‘Bombshell’ By Anonymous Is A Bombshell Say Anonymous Sources: Anonymous</a>
The Daily Wire is one of America’s fastest-growing conservative media companies and counter-cultural outlets for news, opinion, and entertainment. Get inside access to The Daily Wire by becoming a <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/subscribe">member</a>.

Shakespeare &#8211; Three Witches from Macbeth

Coven of Journalists Meet on Fog-Shrouded Crags of Mount Corruption to Discuss How to Disparage Trump’s Mideast Peace Deal [Satire]

Donald Trump

Middle East

In an emergency conclave held in the ruined Castle of Duplicity set high on the fog-shrouded crags of Mount Corruption, a coven of American journalists

Coven of Journalists Meet on Fog-Shrouded Crags of Mount Corruption to Discuss How to Disparage Trump’s Mideast Peace Deal [Satire] | The Daily Wire

https://editorial.dailywire.com/news/coven-of-journalists-meet-on-fog-shrouded-crags-of-mount-corruption-to-discuss-how-to-disparage-trumps-mideast-peace-deal-satire/

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Media commentators and other wastes of the precious gift of human life are saying that a new bombshell book about Donald Trump could mark a tipping point when the walls start closing in on the beginning of the end of a crucial period at the crossroads of a juncture of a defining moment when push comes to shove in the crunch of an emergency that could be the tipping point of the beginning of the end of the flashpoint when the walls start closing in on the defining event of the Trump administration.
The new bombshell of a book is entitled &#8220;Bombshell: How the Trump Administration Reached a Tipping Point When the Walls Closed in on the Beginning of the End.”
According to anonymous sources, excerpts have been leaked to the press by anonymous sources who confirm that the anonymous sources reporting on the anonymous sources are, in fact, anonymous which, coincidentally, is the name of the author of &#8220;Bombshell: How the Trump Administration Reached a Tipping Point When the Walls Closed in on the Beginning of the End,&#8221; which anonymous sources say could be a bombshell that marks the tipping point when the walls closed in on the beginning of the end of the Trump administration.
Anonymous sources who have read the excerpts of &#8220;Bombshell&#8221; by Anonymous have told anonymous sources that they contain stunning revelations about the Trump Administration, which could mark a crucial juncture of a defining event when those stunning revelations come to light and are revealed to be truly stunning.
The New York Times, a former newspaper, declared the book&#8217;s stunning revelations to be a stunning bombshell and denounced Trump in what was either a front page news story or an editorial on the op-ed page, depending on which way you’re holding the paper. The paper declared that this could definitely be the beginning of the end of the beginning of the end of the beginning.
President Trump could not be reached for comment because he was busy bringing peace to the Middle East.
More satire from Andrew Klavan: <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/news/biden-insists-on-giving-speech-in-cornfield-because-he-says-the-audience-there-is-all-ears-satire">Biden Insists On Giving Speech In Cornfield Because He Says The Audience There Is All Ears </a>
The Daily Wire is one of America’s fastest-growing conservative media companies and counter-cultural outlets for news, opinion, and entertainment. Get inside access to The Daily Wire by becoming a <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/subscribe">member</a>.

New York Times

BOMBSHELL: New Book ‘Bombshell’ By Anonymous Is A Bombshell Say Anonymous Sources: Anonymous [Satire]

Media Bias

Media commentators and other wastes of the precious gift of human life are saying that a new bombshell book about Donald Trump could mark a tipping point

BOMBSHELL: New Book ‘Bombshell’ By Anonymous Is A Bombshell Say Anonymous Sources: Anonymous [Satire] | The Daily Wire

https://editorial.dailywire.com/news/bombshell-new-book-bombshell-by-anonymous-is-a-bombshell-say-anonymous-sources-anonymous/

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Standing in a cornfield yesterday, Joe Biden blamed Donald Trump for the weather. And yes, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “Oh, Klavan, you Klavan-like master of Klavanian wit, your satiric humor stands at such a pinnacle of human creation, you can only be compared to yourself so that your image in our minds enters an infinite regress of self-reflection and all things seem to become at once Klavan and the satire of Klavan as written by Klavan about Klavan.”
And sure, I appreciate whatever it is you’re trying to say, but in fact, I am not making this up. Standing in a cornfield yesterday, speaking to an audience that was all ears, Joe Biden said — and this is a real quote: “Donald Trump’s climate denial may not have caused these fires and record floods and record hurricanes, but if he gets a second term, these hellish events will continue to become more common, more devastating and more deadly.”
In a clarification issued later by a sentient human being, the Biden campaign explained that there was a perfectly reasonable explanation for why Biden was standing in a cornfield, and it had to do with his ongoing search for the guy who was turned into a jack-in-the-box and banished to that field by Billy Mumy in the famous Twilight Zone episode.
The clarification went on to explain that when Biden blamed Trump for the weather, it was only because he remembered the old days when skies were blue and there was calm upon the face of the waters, and peace reigned in the garden and God saw that it was good. But then, Orange Man Bad arose in the east like a blood-red moon and weather came, and the winds blew and the waters rose and death was over all the earth and the tears of an Indian Chief fell because of the litter and the people were sad.
After his speech, Biden continued his search for the jack-in-the-box guy and has not been seen since.
More satire from Andrew Klavan: <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/news/poll-shows-biden-leading-among-voters-who-need-a-good-laugh-satire">Poll Shows Biden Leading Among Voters Who Need A Good Laugh</a> 
The Daily Wire is one of America’s fastest-growing conservative media companies and counter-cultural outlets for news, opinion, and entertainment. Get inside access to The Daily Wire by becoming a <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/subscribe">member</a>.

Joe Biden

Biden Insists On Giving Speech In Cornfield Because He Says The Audience There Is All Ears [Satire]

Standing in a cornfield yesterday, Joe Biden blamed Donald Trump for the weather. And yes, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “Oh, Klavan, you

Biden Insists On Giving Speech In Cornfield Because He Says The Audience There Is All Ears [Satire] | The Daily Wire

https://editorial.dailywire.com/news/biden-insists-on-giving-speech-in-cornfield-because-he-says-the-audience-there-is-all-ears-satire/

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A new poll shows Joe Biden would defeat Donald Trump if the election were held today in a science fiction horror movie where all the people have been taken over by space plants and have either become mindless zombie-like creatures or CNN viewers or both.
According to the poll from the Dogface Pony Soldier polling agency, 53 percent of voters are hoping either to vote for Biden on election day or be swept up to Heaven in the Rapture, whichever is less expensive.
Seventeen percent of voters want Biden elected because it’s just been such a depressing year and they could use a good laugh.
Twenty-two percent of voters want Biden to win because it’s about time senile people broke the glass ceiling that for so long has prevented them from sitting in the Oval Office drooling and muttering completely incomprehensible nonsense.
And nine percent want Biden to win because he cares about people like them who also don’t know where they are or what they’re talking about.
The remaining five percent are CIA Agents who want to run the country and feel that Donald Trump is standing in their way.
There’s still an enthusiasm gap between Biden and Trump. Twenty-one percent of Biden voters say they’ll make the effort to vote for him if they wake up in the morning and find themselves at a polling place with a marker in their hands.
Twelve percent say they’ll vote for him if someone will drive them to the polls and give them a thousand dollars.
Eight percent say they’ll vote for him if a grizzly bear is chasing them and the only place they can find to hide is the elementary school where they think they voted last time though they’re not sure.
And the remaining eight percent say they’ll vote for Biden by mail now that they’re dead and Democrats copied their name off their headstone.
Joe Biden says he found the polls encouraging, though he’s still planning to vote for that orange haired fellow because he seems nice.
More satire from Andrew Klavan: <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/news/oscars-to-have-new-inclusion-rule-to-ensure-absolutely-no-one-cares-about-oscars-satire">Oscars To Have New Inclusion Rule To Ensure Absolutely No One Cares About Oscars</a>
The Daily Wire is one of America’s fastest-growing conservative media companies and counter-cultural outlets for news, opinion, and entertainment. Get inside access to The Daily Wire by becoming a<a href="https://www.dailywire.com/subscribe"> member</a>.

Joe Biden Accepts Presidential Nomination At Democratic National Convention

Poll Shows Biden Leading Among Voters Who Need A Good Laugh [Satire]

A new poll shows Joe Biden would defeat Donald Trump if the election were held today in a science fiction horror movie where all the people have been

Poll Shows Biden Leading Among Voters Who Need A Good Laugh [Satire] | The Daily Wire

https://editorial.dailywire.com/news/poll-shows-biden-leading-among-voters-who-need-a-good-laugh-satire/

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It wasn’t September 11, 2001, that made me a political conservative—a believer, I mean, in the intentions and philosophy of the American founding. I had already seen into the lie of leftism by the time the Islamic terrorists hijacked our jets and attacked. But the reaction of our cultural elite to those acts of mass murder convinced me I could not keep my conservatism silent.
I had been living out of the country for years before that. I had not fully realized how drastically wrong our culture had gone. The first shock of realization came from comedian David Letterman, then the host of “The Late Show” on CBS. As I recall it, Letterman took a few days off after the atrocity. When he returned, he spoke about trying to come to terms with what had happened.
It was either then or soon after that he asked a question that would become common among left-leaning celebrities, academics, and commentators: Why do they hate us?
And I immediately thought: Who cares? The version of Islam that drove those butchers to action was a low, ugly, stupid, and wicked creed centered on an oppressive god who was not God. Asking why those skeevy creeps hated a free Judeo-Christian nation like the United States was like asking why Hitler or Stalin hated us. They hated us because their life philosophy had turned them into hateful little sidewalk stains worthy only to be scraped off the soles of our shoes.
That is what bad ideas do to you. They’re like roads leading into the dark: once you accept their premises and start walking, you will end up in a land of midnight evil.
This is where our national conversation—if you can flatter the current idiotic screamfest with such a name—so often goes off the rails. We’re so busy tweeting gotchas at each other’s human failings that we don’t argue the real issues: ideas. Ideas and the policies that ideas produce.
Marxism is not a bad idea because Bernie Sanders is evil, but Bernie Sanders, given the chance, will do evil because Marxism is a bad idea. It operates on the same principle as slavery: you do the work, little man, and we in the big house will decide how to spend the fruits of your labor. Critical Race Theory is not a bad idea because Black Lives Matter protestors are violent. Those thugs are violent because they are in thrall to a bad idea. Critical Race Theory is racism. That’s everything it is.
Multiculturalism is a bad idea too. It is a product of moral relativism, which is even worse. Of course some cultures are better than others. The freer they are, the more tolerant they are, the more structured around sound moral principles they are, the better they are. To make excuses for lesser cultures is to patronize wickedness. No one says, “Oh, the pre-war American South should not be judged for keeping slaves. That was their culture!” Why then would anyone say that Islamic nations should not be judged for oppressing women or making war on unbelievers?
And again, it is not the flaws of a people that should be our central concern. The stock phrase “we aren’t perfect,” is a waste of breath. Nothing on earth is perfect. The point is: Our ideas are good. They are better than anyone’s. And some of them are better than anyone will ever have. The idea of individual liberty (because there is no other kind of human liberty), the idea of government in service to that liberty, the idea of equality before the law—these are pinnacles of human thought. There is no progress from them. Once you leave a pinnacle, you’re headed down. There is only progress toward these ideas. You behave more in keeping with them or less. That’s it.
For a few days after 9-11, we understood all this. We bought flags. We remembered what we stood for. We knew that evil exists and can be embodied in the actions of human beings. We saw clearly that, despite our flaws, our ideas are right and the ideas of the Islamists are wrong.
Those days are over now. Our late night hosts are all Lettermans. Our journalists are corrupted by leftism. Leftism has turned too many of our academics into intellectual buffoons. The Marxists, the racists, the multiculturalists, and the relativists are setting our cities on fire, and our sports teams and our businessmen and even some within our various governments are bending the knee to their bad ideas.
We say “Never forget,” but too late, we’ve forgotten. The lessons of 9-11 are lost. We need to remember what, for a few moments on that day, we knew.
We need to buy more flags.
The Daily Wire is one of America’s fastest-growing conservative media companies and counter-cultural outlets for news, opinion, and entertainment. Get inside access to The Daily Wire by becoming a <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/subscribe">member</a>.

9/11

KLAVAN: We’ve Already Forgotten

Leftism

Radical Islamic Terror

It wasn’t September 11, 2001, that made me a political conservative—a believer, I mean, in the intentions and philosophy of the American founding. I had

KLAVAN: We’ve Already Forgotten | The Daily Wire

https://www.dailywire.com/news/klavan-weve-already-forgotten/

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The Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences has developed a new inclusion requirement for Oscar-nominated films. The Academy says it wants to make sure the winning films contain significant roles for groups who are under-represented in Hollywood, like moral people and people who know what they’re talking about.
The new Inclusion rule is a reaction to the Oscars-so-White controversy that erupted in 2015 after it was discovered that even though black people win Oscars at a rate representative of their numbers in the general population, Will Smith had been passed over for that crappy film &#8220;Concussion&#8221; no one saw and his wife was going to make a big racial stink about it.
Because of the new inclusion rule, there will now be several more categories of nomination, which means the awards program will expand from five and a half hours to infinity, and the audience will drop from no one to literally no one.
Among the new categories will be, “Best Film Containing Two Latinos, an Asian who Doesn’t Use a Computer, a Woman Who Identifies as a Man and is Played by a Man Who Identifies as a Woman and is Therefore Actually a Man Who Identifies as a Man Pretending to be a Woman Pretending to be a Man, Plus a Black Guy.”
There’ll also be “Best Film Containing a Black Guy Who Was a White Guy in the Original Screenplay Until the Jewish Screenwriter Realized No Way He Was Going to Get This Puppy Sold Unless he Made At Least One Major Character Black.”
Another Category will be “Best Film That Makes Some Absolutely Reprehensible Sexual Perversion Look Sympathetic and Still Manges to Break Even.”
And finally there’ll be a category for “Best Historical Film with a Black Actor Absurdly Cast as a Character Who Never Would Have Been Black in Those Days Under Any Circumstances.”
Academy President Milo Scabrous says the new inclusion rule is meant to ensure that powerful Hollywood producers continue to look virtuous while raping children and selling out to Chinese dictators.
More satire from Andrew Klavan:
The Daily Wire is one of America’s fastest-growing conservative media companies and counter-cultural outlets for news, opinion, and entertainment. Get inside access to The Daily Wire by becoming a <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/subscribe">member</a>.

Joe Biden at the Oscars

Oscars To Have New Inclusion Rule To Ensure Absolutely No One Cares About Oscars [Satire]

Hollywood

Oscars

The Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences has developed a new inclusion requirement for Oscar-nominated films. The Academy says it wants to make

Oscars To Have New Inclusion Rule To Ensure Absolutely No One Cares About Oscars [Satire] | The Daily Wire

https://www.dailywire.com/news/oscars-to-have-new-inclusion-rule-to-ensure-absolutely-no-one-cares-about-oscars-satire/

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Disney is under fire for filming its new live action version of Mulan in a Chinese city where Muslim minorities are held in prison camps. Mulan tells the legendary story of a young girl who becomes a famous warrior instead of being killed in the first fifteen minutes of any sword battle as she would have been in real life.
The Disney filming of Mulan in a city and country that is violating the most basic rights of its citizens is in direct contrast to Disney’s threat to boycott the state of Georgia if Georgia passed a law guaranteeing religious freedom.
When asked to explain why Disney filmed in a Chinese city that puts religious minorities in camps but refused to film in an American state if it guaranteed religious freedom, Disney spokesman Janus Smug, said, “That’s a very complicated question. No, I’m kidding. The answer is money. The long green. The Almighty Dollar. The Big Somolian. The smackeroo, the cheddar, the Benjamins, the dough, the bread, the casheroni.&#8221;
&#8220;You see, if we bend over backwards or even forwards for the Chinese tyrants who forcibly sterilize women, torture and murder dissidents and intern minorities, our films will be made available to a massive Chinese audience who can fill our pockets with great jingling piles of sweet, sweet ducats which we can then use to buy big houses, cars, private jets and underage girls or, this being Hollywood, boys, all of which is much better than having small houses and cars and having to fly commercial without the 15-year-olds,&#8221; Smug explained.
&#8220;This makes it very important to us that we bring our family friendly fare with its great values and inspiring storylines to the murderous Chinese whereas if we boycott the crackers in Georgia, we’ll look woke for the journos and it will barely cost us a sou,&#8221; Smug added. &#8220;I hope this clarifies the subtle reasoning behind our decision.&#8221;
Disney has already announced their delightful new animated feature &#8220;Mao,&#8221; about an adorable talking Panda who slaughters a hundred million people.
More satire from Andrew Klavan: <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/news/anonymous-sources-confirm-anonymous-sources-saying-anonymous-sources-dont-like-donald-trump-satire">Anonymous Sources Confirm Anonymous Sources Saying Anonymous Sources Don’t Like Donald Trump</a>
The Daily Wire is one of America’s fastest-growing conservative media companies and counter-cultural outlets for news, opinion, and entertainment. Get inside access to The Daily Wire by becoming a <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/subscribe">member</a>.

Disney Mulan

Disney Explains Subtle Reasoning Behind Its Decision To Sell Its Soul To China For Tons Of Money [Satire]

China

Disney

Disney is under fire for filming its new live action version of Mulan in a Chinese city where Muslim minorities are held in prison camps. Mulan tells the

Disney Explains Subtle Reasoning Behind Its Decision To Sell Its Soul To China For Tons Of Money [Satire] | The Daily Wire

https://www.dailywire.com/news/disney-explains-subtle-reasoning-behind-its-decision-to-sell-its-soul-to-china-for-tons-of-money-satire/

https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2020/09/Disney-Mulan.jpg

Four separate anonymous sources have told The Atlantic magazine that Donald Trump killed a man in Reno just to watch him die.
Though some have protested that a story based entirely on anonymous sources is inherently not a work of journalism, The Atlantic says the four anonymous sources have been confirmed by three other anonymous sources although some of them may be the same sources. It’s hard to tell because they’re anonymous.
Never Trumper Bill Kristol, editor of the commentary website called the Remnant Behind the Bulwark Behind the Ramparts Amidst the Ruins of Bill Kristol’s Credibility, says that while the Atlantic story should not have been published because it was completely without value, he absolutely believes every word of it, because killing a man just to watch him die is exactly the sort of thing Donald Trump would do in Bill Kristol’s imagination after Bill has had a couple of drinks while listening to his favorite Johnny Cash album.
On Fox News, correspondent Jennifer Griffin says her anonymous sources confirmed the anonymous sources who confirmed the anonymous sources at The Atlantic, saying that while Trump has never been in Reno and never killed a man, the bulk of the Atlantic article was otherwise completely correct.
Joe Biden immediately made a campaign stop in Reno where he faced a barrage of tough questions from an Atlantic reporter, who asked, “How bad is it that Trump killed a man in Reno to watch him die, and aren’t you a much nicer person?”
Biden answered that whatever they were talking about was very bad, and that’s why he had come here, wherever it was.
Like the story about Trump saying there were good people among the white supremacists at Charlottesville and the story that Trump called American war heroes suckers, the story of Trump killing a man in Reno was immediately treated by the left as Gospel truth, in the sense that they don’t believe the Gospel either but are willing to cite it if it gives them some political advantage.
More satire from Andrew Klavan: <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/news/washington-post-vote-for-biden-or-well-kill-you-satire">Washington Post: Vote For Biden Or We’ll Kill You</a>
The Daily Wire is one of America’s fastest-growing conservative media companies and counter-cultural outlets for news, opinion, and entertainment. Get inside access to The Daily Wire by becoming a <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/subscribe">member</a>.

Johnny Cash

Anonymous Sources Confirm Anonymous Sources Saying Anonymous Sources Don’t Like Donald Trump [Satire]

Four separate anonymous sources have told The Atlantic magazine that Donald Trump killed a man in Reno just to watch him die. Though some have protested

Anonymous Sources Confirm Anonymous Sources Saying Anonymous Sources Don’t Like Donald Trump [Satire] | The Daily Wire

https://www.dailywire.com/news/anonymous-sources-confirm-anonymous-sources-saying-anonymous-sources-dont-like-donald-trump-satire/

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The preview for HBO’s upcoming comedy “Coastal Elites” is just a blip on the cultural radar, but it reveals a lot about our friends on the Left. The show is written by the virulently anti-Trump screenwriter Paul Rudnick, who once tweeted, “Trump’s solution to the virus: more death. Trump’s solution to racism: more racism.” Rudnick is also a talented guy, who wrote the charming comedy film “In and Out,” about a teacher slowly discovering he’s gay.
The show was originally developed as a play for the Public Theater—the place where they staged Julius Caesar with a Caesar-as-Trump, so they could assassinate the president onstage and call it art. It features five monologues by coastal elites who hate Donald Trump. The left-wing Daily Beast, which previewed the show, says it “may be the most anti-Trump scripted programming to air on a major network.”
What’s revealing about the preview is that—because Rudnick is, in fact, a talented writer—the show seems to depict anti-Trump coastal elites pretty much as they are: unhinged, small-minded, ill-informed, and hateful.
For instance, Bette Midler, who plays a retired teacher under arrest for snatching a man’s MAGA hat, is shown saying of her victim, “He was wearing jeans and a windbreaker and… the hat! The red hat! You know the one. The MAGA hat. In New York City. &#8230; That’s like me going to Nebraska wearing a yarmulke, waving a rainbow flag while reading a book!”
Sarah Paulson plays a YouTube meditation guru who has a breakdown right in the middle of pitching tranquility. “My Uncle Dirk says, ‘Trump is a real straight shooter. He tells it like it is…’ I try to say something, but only random words come out. It’s like I’m in The Exorcist. ‘Charlottesville! Obamagate! Golf!’”
Now this is cute stuff, but what’s cute about it is that it makes fun of these people for being, well, exactly what coastal elites are. Midler feels justified in attacking a man because he has no right to have his opinion in her New York. He should be in Nebraska, which is full of anti-semites, homophobes, and illiterates. Paulson’s mindless passion is based on classic left-wing ignorance. She takes mainstream media lies as gospel truth. “Charlottesville” represents the “good people on both sides” comment about white supremacists that Trump never made. (He said, “I’m not talking about the neo-Nazis and white nationalists because they should be condemned totally.) “Obamagate” refers to a years-long conspiracy against Trump’s presidency based on completely debunked Clinton oppo research—about which Trump is wholly in the right. And so on.
Interestingly, reviews from the Left, including the review from The Daily Beast, seem to sense that the show could be read differently than Rudnick intended it. Their reviews express discomfort. The Beast review finds the monologues “insufferable” and “irritating.”
But clearly, Rudnick thought it was all in good fun. As a sufferer from Trump Derangement Syndrome himself, he saw no problem depicting his fellow sufferers as they are. Why would he? Everyone who’s anyone knows their derangement is absolutely justified by the evil of their enemies.
In other words, Rudnick, like virtually every coastal elite leftist I know, has no idea that his derangement is a state induced by a dishonest media’s misrepresentations. He never hears from any true Trump supporters because he is completely sequestered from them within an entertainment and information culture he and his ilk own and control. They don’t know any conservatives. They have no idea who we are, what we think, or what we believe.
This sequestration, this induced ignorance, this created derangement is, I believe, what has turned the very people who pride themselves on tolerance into petty tyrants. They see no problem with cancel culture—with blackballing and destroying the lives of those they disagree with—because they’ve never had to confront those people in reasoned debate. Their media so demonizes opposing voices that they think “Fox News” and “Hannity” are curse words. They don’t know that Bret Baier on Fox runs the one and only fair-minded newscast on television, or that they could learn more about the full story of George Floyd’s death on “Hannity” than they will in the consistently dishonest New York Times.
The Left doesn’t know the Right because they don’t have to. Their cultural dominance encloses and protects them from disagreement until they think disagreement is a crime. They now feel justified in abandoning every central American principle—free speech, the right to worship, the right to bear arms, the limited power of government—in the name of preserving an America they no longer love or believe in.
Why should they? Wasn’t America founded in racism? It must have been. The New York Times says so.
The Daily Wire is one of America’s fastest-growing conservative media companies and counter-cultural outlets for news, opinion, and entertainment. Get inside access to The Daily Wire by becoming a <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/subscribe">member</a>.

KLAVAN: HBO’s Anti-Trump ‘Coastal Elites’ May Reveal More About The Left Than It Intends

Coastal Elites

leftists

The preview for HBO’s upcoming comedy “Coastal Elites” is just a blip on the cultural radar, but it reveals a lot about our friends on the Left. The show

KLAVAN: HBO’s Anti-Trump ‘Coastal Elites’ May Reveal More About The Left Than It Intends | The Daily Wire

https://www.dailywire.com/news/klavan-hbos-anti-trump-coastal-elites-may-reveal-more-about-the-left-than-it-intends/

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Either the following is satirical or the original article is satirical, we&#8217;re not sure which.
In The Washington Post, where Democracy dies in flatulent dishonesty, a law professor named Rosa Brooks has written an op-ed gaming out what will happen in various scenarios after the November election.
Brooks reports, “A landslide for Joe Biden resulted in a relatively orderly transfer of power. Every other scenario we looked at involved street-level violence and political crisis.”
Now I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “Oh ho ho, Klavan, you bubbling cauldron of hilarity, once again you have both enlightened us and made us laugh with that rambunctiously rib-tickling satirical wit that somehow manages to capture the absurdity of leftist solipsism while at the same time deepening not only our political understanding but our enjoyment of life as well. And you’re so good-looking too.”
But no, that, so help me, is an actual word-for-word quote from the article.
Rosa Brooks says if we don’t elect a doddering relic of a once-merely-stupid second-rate politician, there will be bloodshed.
Brooks goes on to say, “We consulted some of the most accomplished intellectuals in the bar on the ground floor of our building, and asked them to imagine a series of election scenarios. We concluded that if Donald Trump wins, Democrats will challenge the outcome by stopping the business of government completely through a bogus three-year investigation into Russian interference and, when that blows up in their faces, they’ll move on to reacting hysterically to every little thing Trump does and even impeach him over absolutely nothing.&#8221;
&#8220;Finally, they’ll spread racial hysteria until their fellow leftists are destroying cities and terrorizing ordinary citizens,&#8221; she concluded. &#8220;So vote for Biden or we’ll burn this stupid country to the ground.&#8221;
When she finished writing the article, Miss Brooks set her hair on fire and ran through the halls of the newspaper shrieking until the windows shattered, raining glass on the people below.
The Post op-ed is the first in a series. Tomorrow’s sequel is entitled, “Vote for Biden or we’ll kill you. We know where you live.”
More satire from Andrew Klavan: <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/news/democrats-praise-peaceful-protests-as-violent-riots-that-are-trumps-fault-satire">Democrats Praise Peaceful Protests As Violent Riots That Are Trump’s Fault</a>
The Daily Wire is one of America’s fastest-growing conservative media companies and counter-cultural outlets for news, opinion, and entertainment. Get inside access to The Daily Wire by becoming a <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/subscribe">member</a>.

Protester Fight

Washington Post: Vote For Biden Or We’ll Kill You [Satire]

2020 Election

Washington Post

Either the following is satirical or the original article is satirical, we&#039;re not sure which. In The Washington Post, where Democracy dies in flatulent

Washington Post: Vote For Biden Or We’ll Kill You [Satire] | The Daily Wire

https://editorial.dailywire.com/news/washington-post-vote-for-biden-or-well-kill-you-satire/

https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2020/09/Protester-Fight.jpg

CNN is now reporting that the mostly peaceful demonstrations for racial justice are all Donald Trump’s fault because they’re violent riots serving no purpose at all.
In the cable network’s latest news show, Preposterous Sources, a Volkswagen pulls up and dozens of CNN commentators amazingly yet hilariously pour out onto the set and begin denouncing Trump for the violence that isn’t happening in the mostly peaceful cities that are burning down for some reason that is Trump’s fault.
After gleefully honking his red rubber nose, Don Lemon told his viewer, “Let me pretend to be clear. These cities you see where innocent people are brutalized — this is Donald Trump’s America — or at least those parts of Donald Trump’s America that are governed by Democrats and that’s why they’re mostly peaceful.&#8221;
&#8220;And I’m very serious about this as you can tell from the faint moistness in my eyes, which I feel gives me the sensitive look of a graceful doe in a peaceful forest glade,&#8221; Lemon added. &#8220;But perhaps that’s beside the point.”
Joe Biden has also emerged from his basement to praise the mostly peaceful protests that are actually riots that are Trump’s fault, so he denounces them.
Speaking to a broom closet he mistook for a meeting of very thin people re-enacting the Bride of Frankenstein, Biden said, “C’mon, man! These are people. When I look at them I see the whole history of a kind of thing that we need to do better because do I look like someone who would support radical leftists like my good friend Bernie Sanders or my running mate Kamala Harris? I mean, who do you think I am?&#8221;
&#8220;No really, who DO you think I am, because I can’t remember,&#8221; Biden said. &#8220;And while you’re at it, where do you think I live, because I’d like to get back in the basement.&#8221;
Biden then declared victory in the election and resigned the presidency, which would make Kamala Harris the first woman of color ever to become president in an old man’s imagination.
More satire from Andrew Klavan: <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/news/lebron-james-denounces-systemic-prejudice-against-virtue-signaling-china-kowtowing-gazillionaires-satire">LeBron James Denounces Systemic Prejudice Against Virtue-Signaling, China-Kowtowing Gazillionaires</a>
The Daily Wire is one of America’s fastest-growing conservative media companies and counter-cultural outlets for news, opinion, and entertainment. Get inside access to The Daily Wire by becoming a <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/subscribe">member</a>.

Democrats Praise Peaceful Protests As Violent Riots That Are Trump’s Fault [Satire]

Riots

CNN is now reporting that the mostly peaceful demonstrations for racial justice are all Donald Trump’s fault because they’re violent riots serving no

Democrats Praise Peaceful Protests As Violent Riots That Are Trump’s Fault [Satire] | The Daily Wire

https://www.dailywire.com/news/democrats-praise-peaceful-protests-as-violent-riots-that-are-trumps-fault-satire/

https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2020/09/Joe-Biden-2.jpg

The following is satirical.
LeBron James has issued a powerful statement denouncing America’s systemic prejudice against virtue-signaling millionaires. The statement came after King James joined other athletes in a boycott of NBA games only to discover that the fans were already boycotting the games and didn’t know the players had stopped playing.
LeBron’s statement reads in part, “I used to think I was afraid as a black man to step out of the mansion in my walled complex and enter the limousine that would drive me to a stadium full of people cheering my name, but in fact I didn’t know what fear was until I faced the prospect of being completely ignored.&#8221;
&#8220;If this treatment keeps up, I could end up being just another obscure person scraping by like everyone else, which would demonstrate the ingrained prejudice in this country against face-flapping gazillionaires who kowtow to tyrants in China and then attack their own free country while in a state of complete ignorance,&#8221; he added.
&#8220;I think it’s way past time we began to consider paying reparations to people like myself, because I have a large staff of hangers-on and they’d suck me dry in about twenty minutes if I didn’t have some big bucks pouring in and was suddenly just like those whatchmacallem in the stands, fans or whatever,&#8221; he said.
The NBA boycott began when police shot an alleged woman abuser who was resisting arrest in Wisconsin.
In a comment to an admiring press, LeBron said, “This man was a saint, if you don’t count the alleged raping, and the police shot him in the back simply because he was a black man with a knife allegedly resisting arrest and trying to drive off in a vehicle with children inside.&#8221;
&#8220;And if you think that kind of bigotry is bad, just wait till you see how America treats tongue-wagging spoiled athletes with millions of dollars,&#8221; he declared.
LeBron says he hopes to start a new movement called LeBron Matters, but somehow the idea just isn’t catching on.
More satire from Andrew Klavan: <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/news/dems-brilliantly-counter-program-inspiring-republican-convention-with-riots-and-looting-satire">Dems Brilliantly Counter-Program Inspiring Republican Convention With Riots And Looting</a>
The Daily Wire is one of America’s fastest-growing conservative media companies and counter-cultural outlets for news, opinion, and entertainment. Get inside access to The Daily Wire by becoming a <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/subscribe">member</a>.

Pro-Hong Kong Activists Protest Outside NBA Opening-Night Games

LeBron James Denounces Systemic Prejudice Against Virtue-Signaling, China-Kowtowing Gazillionaires [Satire]

LeBron James

The following is satirical. LeBron James has issued a powerful statement denouncing America’s systemic prejudice against virtue-signaling millionaires.

LeBron James Denounces Systemic Prejudice Against Virtue-Signaling, China-Kowtowing Gazillionaires [Satire] | The Daily Wire

https://www.dailywire.com/news/lebron-james-denounces-systemic-prejudice-against-virtue-signaling-china-kowtowing-gazillionaires-satire/

https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2019/10/LeBron-James-Protest.jpg

If there was one moment during the Republican convention that caused my official Daily Wire Leftist Tears Tumbler to magically overflow, it was in a speech by former Ambassador to the U.N. Nikki Haley.
&#8220;In much of the Democratic Party, it&#8217;s now fashionable to say that America is racist,” Haley said. “That is a lie. America is not a racist country.&#8221;
Democrats and the media — but I repeat myself — reacted swiftly.
“I’m just hung up a little bit about Nikki Haley,” said hung up ABC Anchor Linsey Davis. “A comment that she made, ‘America is not a racist country.’ I think that that’s a statement that a lot of black people, black and brown people, would take umbrage with.”
Chicago Tribune columnist Dahleen Glanton was blunter, saying the statement made Haley “appear to be either disgracefully ignorant or a blatant liar.”
But, of course, what Haley really was, was completely correct. There is a history of institutional racism in America, no doubt, but today our country is wholly free of it. The U.S. is easily the least racist nation on the planet. There is certainly nowhere else with such a multi-ethnic population as committed to keeping its institutions fair. Why, in America, a black person can be elected president — twice — something no other white majority nation can say.
But the idea that all this might be true is a tremendous threat to the Democrats’ near monopoly on black votes. They live on racial division. This is why, in the words of Wall Street Journal Columnist Jason Riley, Democrats “focus their energies on keeping black people angry and paranoid, not on improving black lives.”
This is also why people of color like Kentucky Attorney General Daniel Cameron are sometimes greeted with unprintable racist name-calling from the Left. In a graceful and powerful convention speech, Cameron addressed Joe Biden, referring to his many untoward remarks about blacks. “Mr. Vice President, look at me, I am Black, we are not all the same, sir. I am not in chains, my mind is my own, and you can&#8217;t tell me how to vote because of the color of my skin.” If even twenty percent of black voters would say the same, there would be no Democrat Party.
In their efforts to keep “black people angry and paranoid,” leftists have cooked up the phrase “systemic racism.” I’m not sure this phrase is supposed to have any very definite meaning. I think it’s meant rather to be a license for perpetual grievance. But insofar as it means anything, it seems to refer to the fact that American ideas and ideals derive from places like Greece, Jerusalem, Rome, and especially England where the people’s skin was more or less white.
And yes, it’s true, our ideas did come from those places. And assimilating into a nation based on those largely English ideas often requires some sacrifice of cultural identification. Jews who assimilate have to accept values derived from the same Christianity that has often oppressed them, Irish have to play by the political rules of their age-old enemies the English, and so on. Assimilation is complex and difficult and goes against the natural grain because it puts ideas over instinctive tribal loyalty. It requires grace, forgiveness, and a willingness to align yourself with a history that may not have always been friendly toward your particular group.
And yes, it’s even harder for blacks in America, because it’s here, in this nation, where the crimes of race-based slavery and Jim Crow were perpetrated against them. There is one more step of forgiveness black Americans have to take.
We on the Right find – or should find – such forgiveness particularly praiseworthy. The assimilationist lives of men like Daniel Cameron are, in this regard, lives of Christly grace. Clinging to bitterness and resentment is the norm in human behavior. Rising above to embrace the good beyond personal instincts is a higher path.
That blacks might seize this new post-racial day of American good will and opportunity and take that higher path, that they might join at last the endless array of peoples who have put aside the ancient racial hostilities to become fully committed Americans — this is the biggest threat identitarian Democrats face.
That is why they are in a panic. That is why they have to keep the bitterness hot. That is why they are inciting racial hysteria at every opportunity. They know that racial unity is closer than ever.
The violence in Democrat cities may be the beginning of a reign of terror. But it may also be the beginning of the end for the Left’s ugly race-based narrative.
More from Andrew Klavan: <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/news/klavan-ladies-you-are-being-played">Ladies, You Are Being Played</a>
The Daily Wire is one of America’s fastest-growing conservative media companies and counter-cultural outlets for news, opinion, and entertainment. Get inside access to The Daily Wire by becoming a<a href="https://www.dailywire.com/subscribe"> member</a>.

Paper donkey

KLAVAN: Black Assimilation Is The Great Threat To Democrats

Race

If there was one moment during the Republican convention that caused my official Daily Wire Leftist Tears Tumbler to magically overflow, it was in a

KLAVAN: Black Assimilation Is The Great Threat To Democrats | The Daily Wire

https://editorial.dailywire.com/news/klavan-black-assimilation-is-the-great-threat-to-democrats/

https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2020/08/84AB44C9-6D5B-4C29-B173-FD24E7701C67.jpeg

The following is satirical.
Alt-right neo-Nazi, white supremacist and anti-Semite Richard Spencer has endorsed Joe Biden for president. And no, I did not make that up. That actually happened. Unless the world and my imagination have now changed places which, at this point, is a distinct possibility.
In a speech he delivered in make-believe German while goose-stepping back and forth in front of the mirror in his underwear, Spencer said, “Speaking as a hateful racist slimeball, I have to admit Donald Trump has been a big disappointment to me.&#8221;
&#8220;I was repeatedly assured he was the worst bigot ever sent to the Oval Office, and instead he created more jobs for black people than any president before him,&#8221; the racist continued. &#8220;I was excited when I heard he said there were good people in the white supremacy movement, but it turned out that was just another lie.&#8221;
&#8220;Meanwhile, Joe Biden and the Democrats have inspired an entire movement that burns down black neighborhoods, denigrates black people in authority and is even attempting to defund the police which is sure to get way more black people killed,&#8221; the anti-Semite added. &#8220;And I’m thinking, ‘Whoa doggy, that’s a party I want to belong to!’ I mean, the Democrats are the party of Linda Sarsour, Ilhan Omar, and Rashida Tlaib! Man, I have swastikas tattooed on my private parts, and I don’t even consider myself worthy to be in that company. When it comes to hating Jews, I’m just a lowly neo-Nazi. I can only dream of one day becoming a Democrat.&#8221;
After his speech, while enjoying a glass of milk with the centers of some Super-Stuff Oreos, Spencer reflected on his disappointment with the Trump administration, saying, “When they told me Trump would be worse than Hitler, I really got my hopes up. I should have known. They say that about every Republican and in the end, they just break your heart.”
Spencer said he did not think Joe Biden would unleash a holocaust, but he added, “You’ve gotta start somewhere.”
More satire from Andrew Klavan: <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/news/dems-brilliantly-counter-program-inspiring-republican-convention-with-riots-and-looting-satire">Dems Brilliantly Counter-Program Inspiring Republican Convention With Riots And Looting</a>
The Daily Wire is one of America’s fastest-growing conservative media companies and counter-cultural outlets for news, opinion, and entertainment. Get inside access to The Daily Wire by becoming a<a href="https://www.dailywire.com/subscribe"> member</a>.

Neo-Nazi Richard Spencer Endorses Biden, Saying Trump Has Been Big Disappointment To Racist Slimeballs Everywhere [Satire]

Racism

Richard Spencer

The following is satirical. Alt-right neo-Nazi, white supremacist and anti-Semite Richard Spencer has endorsed Joe Biden for president. And no, I did not

Neo-Nazi Richard Spencer Endorses Biden, Saying Trump Has Been Big Disappointment To Racist Slimeballs Everywhere [Satire] | The Daily Wire

https://www.dailywire.com/news/neo-nazi-richard-spencer-endorses-biden-saying-trump-has-been-big-disappointment-to-racist-slimeballs-everywhere-satire/

https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2020/08/Joe-Biden-10.jpg

The news media and other crime families are singing the praises of the Biden campaign for its brilliant strategy of counter-programming the Republican Convention with Democrat riots and looting.
NBC’s Chuck Todd, in an interview with the life-size cardboard cutout of himself he keeps in his bedroom for when his wife is away, said, “Republicans have debased themselves with calls for absurd patriotic unity, programs for garish prosperity and a foreign policy selfishly designed to help the United States before anyone else.&#8221;
&#8220;It’s a stroke of genius for Democrats to balance that with high-minded images of people’s businesses going up in flames in the name of social justice,&#8221; he said. &#8220;Who on earth can remain uninspired by the great cause of destroying everything anyone has ever built in order to create a utopia you thought of while playing Fortnite in your parents’ basement?&#8221;
Joe Biden’s campaign manager, Zippy McDooDad, says he invented the Democrat strategy while playing Fortnite in his parents’ basement.
In a statement released to a Berserker of the subclass Soldier with the hot body skin McDoodad dreams could one day be his, the manager said, “Everybody knows that Orange Man is bad, so we want to create a contrast with him by having our candidate hide in a cellar, talk gibberish, and tacitly support the destruction of America’s cities.&#8221;
&#8220;I’ve been tracking the news media between spawns, and they are loving it,&#8221; he added. &#8220;So I figure I can get a CNN gig for sure if Joe dies which could happen any minute. I mean, just look at him.&#8221;
Joe Biden says he’s been monitoring the Republican convention himself and slipped a note out under his cellar door, reading, “Who’s that big orange guy? He’s very scary. I hope I don’t have to talk to him to get to be president. Can I resign now?”
Biden plans to make an appearance later today to announce that there’s one stain on the cellar floorboards that really looks like Magneto from the X-Men movies.
More satire from Andrew Klavan: <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/news/journalists-and-other-democrats-are-outraged-at-nikki-haley-for-loving-her-country-satire">Journalists And Other Democrats Are Outraged At Nikki Haley For Loving Her Country</a>
The Daily Wire is one of America’s fastest-growing conservative media companies and counter-cultural outlets for news, opinion, and entertainment. Get inside access to The Daily Wire by becoming a <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/subscribe">member</a>.

Kenosha Riot

Dems Brilliantly Counter-Program Inspiring Republican Convention With Riots And Looting [Satire]

The news media and other crime families are singing the praises of the Biden campaign for its brilliant strategy of counter-programming the Republican

Dems Brilliantly Counter-Program Inspiring Republican Convention With Riots And Looting [Satire] | The Daily Wire

https://www.dailywire.com/news/dems-brilliantly-counter-program-inspiring-republican-convention-with-riots-and-looting-satire/

https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2020/08/Kenosha-Riots.jpg

Warning: CNN&#8217;s Brian Stelter makes an unsettling appearance in the following, as does a former newspaper.
Journalists and other Democrats are reacting with outrage to the convention speech of adorable cutie-pie and former ambassador to the U.N. Nikki Haley.
Haley said in her speech that this was not a racist country, sending shockwaves through George Stephanopoulos and other organized crime figures.
Among the hardest hit was CNN’s Brian Stelter who said Haley’s words caused him to take to his bed for a good cry, clutching his American Girl doll, also named Brian Stelter.
In a private conversation later released to the press, Stelter told his doll, “I am very saddy-waddy over the meanie-weanie words of Nikki-wikki. I’m so upset I can’t even get out of bed to tweet about how hard I’m crying.”
Stelter says he’s going to hold his breath until Haley either agrees to take the statement back or buys him a Barbie Dream House of his very own.
At the New York Times, a former newspaper, the outrage spread all the way from the twenty-year-old staffers to the editors who tremble at their every whim.
In a statement written in calligraphy on the finest vellum, editor-in-chief Blithering Prevarication the Third told the other diners at Le Bernadin, “It is unforgiveable for Nikki Haley to say something we higher orders don’t want people to believe. After all, this is still a country where an innocent black man with a warrant out on him for abusing women can be gunned down by the police for doing nothing but fighting with them when they tried to arrest him and then reaching into his car for a possible weapon. If that isn’t racism, then racism would just mean racism, which is patently absurd.”
Presumptive former president Joe Biden also condemned Haley’s speech, saying, “It was personally disappointing to me to hear those words coming from a woman whose hair smells so great I just want to be buried in it, possibly within the next couple of minutes because I’m really not feeling very well.”
More satire from Andrew Klavan: <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/news/ny-times-says-trumps-effective-actions-undermine-satire">NY Times Says Trump’s Effective Actions Threaten To Undermine The Very Foundation Of The American Narrative</a>
The Daily Wire is one of America’s fastest-growing conservative media companies and counter-cultural outlets for news, opinion, and entertainment. Get inside access to The Daily Wire by becoming a <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/subscribe">member</a>.

Nikki Haley

Journalists And Other Democrats Are Outraged At Nikki Haley For Loving Her Country [Satire]

Brian Stelter

Warning: CNN&#039;s Brian Stelter makes an unsettling appearance in the following, as does a former newspaper. Journalists and other Democrats are reacting

Journalists And Other Democrats Are Outraged At Nikki Haley For Loving Her Country [Satire] | The Daily Wire

https://www.dailywire.com/news/journalists-and-other-democrats-are-outraged-at-nikki-haley-for-loving-her-country-satire/

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The following is satirical, except for that one line about The New York Times, which is deadly serious.
President Trump recently announced Emergency FDA approval for an effective plasma therapy for the Chinese Flu. Or the Wuflu. Or Covid-19, which stands for, “China: Oh, Vicious In Despotism, times 19.” Or something like that.
The New York Times, a former newspaper, denounced Trump’s action, saying that if the therapy should, in fact, turn out to be effective, it presents a serious threat to the First Amendment by hampering the press in its duty to spread unreasoning terror in the hopes of getting Joe Biden elected.
In an editorial personally written by Times editor-in-chief Blithering Prevarication III on his personal velvet-sheathed laptop with the sparkly keys meant to represent the glittering quality of his integrity in attacking injustice whenever and wherever it threatens the election of a Democrat — and in attacking justice under the same circumstances — Mr. Third wrote, “The idea that any action taken by Donald Trump could reduce the death and suffering from this pandemic is an unprecedented danger to this republic because it could turn voters toward Donald Trump who is an unprecedented danger to this republic and thus cause his reelection which would be an unprecedented danger to this republic.&#8221;
&#8220;Trump has already begun to bring peace to the Middle East which is not only a stab in the back to the cause of innocent and oppressed terrorists everywhere but also harms the reputations of foreign policy experts merely because they happen to have been wrong about everything,&#8221; Third continued. &#8220;Now he threatens to reduce deaths from Covid-19 which could undermine the very foundations of the great and good narrative we were planning to peddle straight through November.”
Presumptive former Democrat president Joe Biden said in his convention speech last week that he would create testing, staffing and manufacturing build-ups that Trump has already created.
Biden now says he is working on getting emergency FDA approval for an effective plasma therapy, a move the Times hailed as brilliant.
More satire from Andrew Klavan: <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/news/bill-clinton-celebrates-a-hundred-years-of-abusing-women-till-they-vote-for-you-satire">Bill Clinton Celebrates A Hundred Years Of Abusing Women Till They Vote For You</a>
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The New York Times Co. Post An 82 Percent Decline In 2nd Quarter Profi

NY Times Says Trump’s Effective Actions Threaten To Undermine The Very Foundation Of The American Narrative [Satire]

The following is satirical, except for that one line about The New York Times, which is deadly serious. President Trump recently announced Emergency FDA

NY Times Says Trump’s Effective Actions Threaten To Undermine The Very Foundation Of The American Narrative [Satire] | The Daily Wire

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I was glued to my set during the Democratic National Convention this week. Believe me, if I hadn’t accidentally glued myself to the set, I wouldn’t have watched. Once there, though, I was mesmerized by a seemingly endless parade of horrible people telling me how immoral my country is.
They really were horrible, too. Kamala Harris with her long history of corruption. Bernie Sanders with that “I Heart Stalin” t-shirt I just know he keeps hidden at the bottom of his sock drawer. And, of course, the man who used to be Joe Biden, an indefinable nothing in the shape of a blue-collar Democrat, a living disguise for the party to wear so we won’t see them careening to the far-left.
But no one made a bigger impression on me than Bill Clinton. He is the perfect mascot for the Democrats: a lounge lizard who will say anything to get women to do what he wants.
Most Democrats are women. Most voters are women. And the Democrat Party, we are told, is the answer to the age-old question: “What do women want?”
And Donald Trump’s Republicans, we are told, are irredeemably — yuck — male. Feminist writer Amanda Marcotte put it this way in Salon: “The same ugly forces that drive the oppression of women also reverberate throughout our society. The man who preys on women, as Donald Trump has bragged about doing, is the same man whose sadism and lack of empathy will lead him to destroy the environment, terrorize immigrants, wreck the economy and let a pandemic run rampant.”
Srsly?
Let’s take a look at the Democrat history Bill Clinton represents.
According to reported records, Bill Clinton rode on the late sex slaver Jeffrey Epstein’s private jet, nicknamed the “Lolita Express,” at least 26 times. During at least five of those flights, reports claim, Clinton dumped his Secret Service detail. In recently unsealed records, Epstein accuser Virginia Giuffre says she personally saw Clinton on Epstein’s private island in the company of two underage girls.
Clinton has also been plausibly accused of rape by Juanita Broadderick. And when he was the most powerful man in the world, he enticed a not-powerful intern young enough to be his daughter into an Oval Office affair: she gave him oral sex; he reportedly put a cigar inside her. Like many other feminists, writer Nina Burleigh approved, saying of Clinton, “I would be happy to give him a b****** just to thank him for keeping abortion legal.”
George Stephanopoulos worked for Clinton back then. There are videos of him on the phone intimidating reporters into suppressing women’s complaints about Clinton’s abusive sexual behavior. Stephanopoulos is now Chief Anchor and Political Correspondent for ABC News. In a video obtained by Project Veritas, ABC News host Amy Robach says she had the Epstein story as early as 2016, when Hillary Clinton was running for president. “It was unbelievable what we had. Clinton, we had everything,&#8221; Robach said. But, she said, ABC spiked the story.
It was NBC that spiked the story of now-convicted rapist Harvey Weinstein, according to Ronan Farrow in his book “Catch and Kill.” Weinstein, of course, was a huge Democrat donor, contributing to the campaigns of both Clintons, Kamala Harris, and Barack Obama. Michelle Obama called Harvey “a wonderful human being,” and “a good friend.”
If Farrow’s highly plausible account is correct, NBC News spiked the Weinstein story while it was covering up the predations of their star anchorman Matt Lauer. Among other things, Lauer is accused of assaulting one young network staffer until she passed out, and of sodomizing a co-worker while she cried and begged him not to.
It was also NBC News that allegedly held on to the notorious Hollywood Access tape in which Trump made lewd remarks. Then they released the tape when it would do the most political damage. Democrat women reacted to the tape with nationwide marches.
Democrat women also reacted with tearful protests and endless op-eds when Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh was accused of sexual malfeasance by a woman who could offer no proof she had ever met him. But when Biden aide Tara Reade claimed Biden had digitally raped her, The New York Times said nothing for more than two weeks, then dismissed Reade’s account on an inside page of the paper’s Easter Sunday edition. The story remains largely uncovered.
In other words, ladies, you are being played — played as badly as blacks are being played by the party that brought them Detroit, Baltimore, and every other city where blacks languish in urban blight.
Amanda Marcotte notwithstanding, it isn’t some dark masculine force that abuses women and mars the world. It’s corrupt people and bad policy.
The Democrat Party is the party of both.
More from Andrew Klavan: <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/news/klavan-a-corrupt-press-supports-a-corrupt-harris">A Corrupt Press Supports A Corrupt Harris</a>
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Bill Clinton

KLAVAN: Ladies, You Are Being Played

Democratic National Convention

I was glued to my set during the Democratic National Convention this week. Believe me, if I hadn’t accidentally glued myself to the set, I wouldn’t have

KLAVAN: Ladies, You Are Being Played | The Daily Wire

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