News Media Skip Useless Presidential Briefings To Make Time For Urgent Anti-American Hatred [Satire]

The following is satirical.

It’s not that the American news media is a flaming dumpster filled with unintelligent incompetents so primed by their second-rate educations with anti-American hatred and a love of socialism which forces them to ignore the very facts they’re supposed to gather and instead to wallow in their own ugly disdain for the high ideas and ordinary people who have made this country great that it seems like every time journalists open their mouths they are spewing a sort of green bile made of some unholy mixture of ignorance and hostility until the bile grows so thick and deep around them they begin to sink into it up to their noses whereupon they are actually both vomiting the filthy stuff and breathing it in at the same time like a sort of perpetual motion machine of absolute awfulness…