The decade's most triggering comedy
An excerpt from the British royal’s memoir “Spare” started making the rounds on social media as readers were shocked that the Duke of Sussex would share such a personal story. Prince Harry recalled the incident that occurred following an arctic expedition in 2011, just ahead of Prince William and Kate Middleton’s royal wedding.
“My penis was oscillating between extremely sensitive and borderline traumatized,” Prince Harry reads aloud in the audiobook. “I had been trying some home remedies, including one recommended by a friend. She’d urged me to apply Elizabeth Arden cream. ‘My mom used that on her lips. You want me to put that on my todger?’ ‘It works, Harry. Trust me,’” he continued.
“I found a tube, and the minute I opened it the smell transported me through time,” Harry continued. “I felt as if my mother was right there in the room. Then I took a smidge and applied it … down there. ‘Weird’ doesn’t really do the feeling justice.”
On Monday night, Kimmel debuted a spoof children’s book making fun of Harry’s confession called “The Prince and the Penis.” The illustrated book featured a cartoon image of Prince Harry and an oversized depiction of a male sex organ donning a winter coat and toboggan cap.
— Jimmy Kimmel Live (@JimmyKimmelLive) January 17, 2023
“At the chilly North Pole, a silly young codger took a walk in the snow and froze his wee todger,” the parody begins. “The skin was discolored, all purple and white, when Harry peered down, ‘twas a terrible fright! Oh mummy, oh mummy, he cried with a scream, and from then on she appeared with some cream,” the book continues, showing a version of Princess Diana up in the clouds.
“My poor little prince, put this cream on your willy, it will lessen the ache and make it less chilly. But mummy, did you not put this on your lips? Oh yes my dear boy, and also my nips,” the book goes on.
“But do not delay or your knob be destroyed. But mummy, have you heard about Sir Sigmund Freud?”
The spoof book ends with a cartoon of Princess Diana saving Harry’s penis with the cream before disappearing into the clouds.
“And everyone lived happily ever after, in a castle next to Oprah’s house,” Kimmel quipped.
Harry has mentioned the story on various late-night shows while promoting “Spare.” The royal told Stephen Colbert, “When you’re walking you’re hot and you’re trying not to sweat because the sweat freezes and once it’s numb you don’t know the pain.”
He said he didn’t realize the extent of the issue until weeks later. Prince Harry said there was “nothing visible, nothing obvious, it was a slow deteriorating situation.”