Feminists Furious North Korea May Have A Female Murderous Dictator Before America [Satire]

Kim Yo Jong, sister of North Korean leader Kim Jong Un, holds a flower bouquet during a welcoming ceremony at the Presidential Palace in Hanoi, Vietnam, on Friday, March 1, 2019. Kim will have a long train ride home through China to think about what went wrong in his second summit with Donald Trump and how to keep it from reversing his gains of the past year. Photographer: Luong Thai Linh/Pool via Bloomberg
Luong Thai Linh/Pool via Bloomberg/Getty Images

The following is satirical.

Feminists are absolutely fuming that North Korea could have a female dictator presiding over a regime of murder, torture, starvation and rape before America does.

There are reports that North Korea’s Dear Leader Kim Jong Un may be dead after he injected himself with Clorox on the advice of his good friend Donald Trump. Trump issued a statement about the reports, saying, “Ha ha ha. I knew the little psychopath would fall for that one. He’s even dumber than Dean Baquet.”

In the aftermath, all eyes have turned to Kim’s sister Kim Yo Jong, the hot little number who charmed and delighted American news media outlets during the 2018 Olympics. CNN said she was “stealing the show,” the New York Times, a former newspaper, said she “out-flanked Mike Pence in diplomatic image-making.” And Mike Pence said, she was  “a central pillar of… an evil family clique that brutalizes, subjugates, starves and imprisons its 25 million people.” But Pence may have just been jealous of her show-stealing charm or telling the truth.

Now that the little cutie may rise to ultimate power, feminists are upset that she could break the glass ceiling of absolute insanity before an American woman, if you don’t count Jennifer Rubin.

Feminist lunatic and New York Times op-ed columnist Shrilly Whinging said, “It is shameful that North Korea may give a woman the right to slaughter anyone she wants when here in America we threaten to take away even her right to slaughter her own baby.”

Feminist Academic Shrilly Whinging — no relation — said, “It’s a disgrace. North Korea is a nation where a woman can have a man executed for not agreeing with her, whereas I can only destroy his career and have him assaulted by irrational mobs of slavish college students.”

Though Kim’s death has not yet been confirmed, the North Korean military is apparently making plans for a stirring nation-wide ceremony in which they will elevate Kim Yo Jung to power and then assassinate her.

More satire from Andrew Klavan: New York Times Issues Guidelines On How To Not Cover Sexual Assault