Biden Plans to Change Trump Policies and Put America Eighth [Satire]

Joe Biden says America is back. The 117-year-old President-Elect made the announcement while on his back in a hospital bed where he’s recovering after breaking his foot while playing with Rover, a stuffed unicorn who can get awfully darned frisky and has caused Biden to fall down several times even though he was in a corner all the way across the room.

Biden says he plans to engineer the comeback of whatever he was talking about by completely reversing the policies of his predecessor George You Know the Thing. For instance, President Thing believed in America First. Biden says he will instead promote America Eighth, in which he deals with the nation’s problems only after tending to those of Lichtenstein, Kyrgyzstan, Lesotho, Bhutan, Andorra, the Grenadines and Kansas.