WikiLeaks Email Shows Hillary’s 85 Rejected Campaign Slogans

After WikiLeak’s latest release of Clinton campaign emails on Wednesday, a few folks took notice of emails from Hillary’s campaign chairman John D. Podesta from back in August of 2015, when her team was gathering slogan options. Weirdly, none of them contained the word “crooked.”

Here are a few of the more chuckle-inducing slogans the campaign rejected:

• Progress for the rest of us …(or as Frank Costanza says, “Festivus for the rest of us“)
• She’s got your back …(unless you’re an unborn child or work in Benghazi)
• Fairness First …(honesty last)
• No Quit …(doesn’t apply to press conferences or candidate’s legs)
• Renewing our basic bargain …(with the devil)
• New Solutions Real Results …(Less Freedom More Taxes)
• Lifting us up. Moving us forward …(And tucking us in. Thanks, Nanny State!)
• Rise Up …(and keep the status quo)
• Own the future …(by stirring up hate from the past)
• Climb higher (Fall further)
• It’s about you. It’s about time. (It’s about payola)
• Because your time is now …(to move to a red state)

Commenters on social media posted what they believed were more appropriate choices:

• Forward, Comrades!
• I don’t cheat, I just delete!
• Pay to play
• I have a Vag!
• Yeah, I killed them
• My precious
• Sicker Together
• Show me the money
• Bring Them to Heel
• Barack said I’d be next
• I’m With Herpes
• I’ll get you, my pretty And your little dog, too!
• Cuz Bill needs some alone time

Below is the full collection of actual slogans from the emails, broken into eight categories via The New York Times:

Theme: Fairness/Families

• A fair shot and a fair deal
• Hillary — For Fairness. For Families.
• Building a fairer future today
• Fairness worth the fight
• Fairness First.
• Putting Fairness First
• A fair chance for families
• A fair fight for families
• You’ve earned a fair shot
• You’ve earned a fair chance
• A fair chance to get ahead
• Families first
• Building a fairer future
• Fairness for all our families

Theme: Fighter

• Fighting for Fairness. Fighting for you.
• She’s got your back
• Your family is her fight
• Your family. Her fight.
• Your future is her fight
• Your future. Her fight.
• A force for families
• No Quit
• A fighting chance for families

Theme: Basic Bargain/Making America Work

• Renewing America’s promise
• Renewing our basic bargain
• A new promise for a new time
• A better bargain for a better tomorrow
• Get ahead. Stay ahead.
• A better bargain. For all.
• An America that works for you.
• An America built for you.
• A new bargain for a stronger America
• Time for a better bargain.
• Putting America to work for you
• Making America work for you
• A promise you can count on

Theme: Strength

• Stronger together
• A stronger tomorrow
• Strength and fairness
• Together we’re strong
• Strength you can count on
• A stronger America working for you
• The ideas we need and the strength to deliver
• A stronger America for a new day
• America’s strength. America’s promise.
• American strength from American families
• Stronger at home
• For an America that leads
• America gets strong when you get ahead
• A stronger America one family at a time
• Strength for all our families

Theme: Results/Count on

• Real Fairness; Real Solutions
• New Solutions Real Results
• A new bargain we can count on.
• Progress for the rest of us

Theme: In it together

• Progress for people
• Progress for all
• Getting ahead together
• Making America work. Together.
• Moving Ahead. Together.

Theme: Future/Forward

• Your future. Your terms.
• Lifting us up. Moving us forward.
• Building tomorrow’s America
• Building a better tomorrow
• Our Families, Our Future
• Secure the Future
• A future worth fighting for
• For your family. For America’s future.
• Don’t turn back
• Keep moving
• Move up
• Rise Up
• Own the future
• Go further
• Move ahead
• Climb higher
• Unleash opportunity

Theme: It’s about you

• It’s about you. It’s about time
• It’s about time … and it’s about you.
• It’s about you.
• Because your time is now
• It’s your turn
• It’s your time
• It’s your time
• Next begins with you

The Times also pointed out that “the final section of the email, under the themed heading ‘It’s about you,’ which — taken as a whole — reads as its own sort of inspirational pop-song stanza.”

You can almost hear the Lady Gaga and Beyonce duet right now. Annnnnnd, puke.