Satire

What Do You Call A Gathering Of Self-Absorbed, Semi-Talented Drug Addicts? The Grammys.

This year we got to hear what these addicts think about politics. How great is that?

Andrew Klavan
What Do You Call A Gathering Of Self-Absorbed, Semi-Talented Drug Addicts? The Grammys.
Christopher Polk/Billboard via Getty Images

Well, last week we talked about the Oscars, and this week, it’s the Grammys. And I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “Please, God, kill me now, before I have to hear about the Grammys. Otherwise, I’ll be forced to drown this out by sticking my fingers in my ears and whistling Dixie, which may give people the impression that I support the Confederacy when, in fact, I think holding your fellow human beings in bondage, branding and flogging them before selling their families is a horrible thing, and if I were forced to choose between life as a slave and watching the Grammys, I would pretend to think about it, then suddenly break my chains and escape through the alligator-infested swamps of Mississippi, never to return to slavery until the award show was over.”

Okay, maybe that’s not exactly what you’re thinking. I mean, only a degenerate would think something like that. Even just saying it out loud is morally disgusting, though obviously not as bad as the Grammys.

Got a tip worth investigating?

Your information could be the missing piece to an important story. Submit your tip today and make a difference.

Submit Tip