The decade's most triggering comedy
Radio host Steven Crowder came to the rescue of a young boy named Michael who, as The Daily Wire reported earlier Tuesday, was left in tears after a woke shopping mall “Santa Claus” decided to give him a lecture about guns instead of a holiday treat.
Little Michael was making a socially distant visit to an Illinois mall Santa when he mentioned he wanted a NERF (Non-Expanding Recreational Foam) gun for Christmas. The Santa told Michael that the gift was inappropriate, excoriating the young boy for asking for a toy weapon: “Nope. No guns. Not even a Nerf gun.”
Santa then explained that the boy’s parents could buy him a NERF gun for Christmas, but that Santa doesn’t deal in plastic weapons.
The video of the incident shows the Santa asking the boy, “What do you want for Christmas?
When the boy hesitates, the Santa presses, “You don’t know?”
The boy apparently asked for a Nerf (Non-Expanding Recreational Foam) gun, according to his mother.
The Santa then pronounces, “Nope. No guns.”
The mother intercedes. “Nerf gun,” she explains.
The Santa, determined, continues, “Not even a Nerf gun.”
The Santa eventually tells the boy, “If your dad wants to get it for you that’s fine but I can’t bring it to you, so what else would you like? Lots of other toys, there’s Legos, there’s bicycles, there’s cars and trucks.”
At that point, aware that Santa won’t be bringing him his wished-for toy, the boy begins to sob.
Michael’s mom penned a Facebook post about the incident which quickly went viral.
My poor baby. This was the first year Michael was excited to go see Santa. It was supposed to be magical but instead I had to watch my sweet little boy fight back tears because Santa told him No because of his own personal beliefs. I had to think fast and explain to him that this Santa was just a helper and not the real guy. I just wanted to console my baby and get him out of there, flipping out on Santa would have only made it worse. His Elfie is going to bring him a Nerf gun directly from the North Pole, from the real Santa, tonight.
Radio host Steven Crowder decided to take it upon himself to help save Christmas for little Michael and Tuesday, arranged a video call from “Santa” to Michael and his mother.
Dressed as the jolly old man himself, Crowder first bonded with Michael over a shared love of boxing and then apologized for how he was treated by one of Santa’s unofficial — and woefully inadequate — shopping mall “helpers,” who somehow skated through the North Pole’s strict hiring system and had directly insulted Michael and his family, including his police officer dad.
Crowder pledged that there was “no association” between the “real” Santa and the “unqualified helper,” and promised to contact North Pole human resources to investigate the Santa imposter.
“That’s not the real Santa!” Crowder exclaimed. “He’s what your parents will teach you about when you get older. He’s what we call a Communist. We had to get rid of them at the North Pole!”
Santa, Crowder went on to explain, has “used firearms for a very long time,” but has “always taught and encouraged firearms safety,” and then offered to tell Michael the story of how his “piece” once “saved his reindeer” (the reindeer in question, of course, was Blitzen).
“If you use firearms and your strength properly,” Crowder went on, “you can protect people from being hurt!” Michael was noticeably impressed and agreed — very unlike how things went after speaking to the shopping mall Santa.
Crowder then apologized again, wishing Michael and his family a “Merry Christmas” and promising to get to the bottom of his “elf insubordination.”
Although reports are still scarce, it does appear Michael is likely to get his NERF gun for Christmas, woke mall Santas notwithstanding.