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Tinseltown Celebrities’ New Video: Trump Only Knows ‘Alternative Constitution’

By  Hank Berrien

Hollywood celeb and Bernie Sanders activist Susan Sarandon is back in the saddle again, appearing in a video produced by Funny or Die that responds to President Trump’s executive order on immigrants by transforming White House adviser Kellyanne Conway’s “alternative facts” quote into the assertion that Trump uses an “Alternative Constitution.”

The celebrities in the video state that the “alternative Constitution” was found “cradled in the mouth of a large, golden snake-pig deity.” They add, “Trump was accidentally given the other copy when he was a teen.

In their usual ham-handed fashion, the celebrities amend the Constitution to show how Trump’s “alternative Constitution” reads: “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, but if a handsome brave scared president makes an executive order that favors one religion over another, he shall only experience pure ecstasy.”

Sarandon intones, “It looks like many have tried to destroy the alternative Constitution, but it has some sort of dark magic protecting it.”

The video says Trump actually knows an alternative State of Liberty donated from Russia, resting in Queens, which reads, “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, so that we may lock them in tiny rooms for days only to send them back where we think they came from. Fear outsiders. Fear outsiders.”

Sarandon repeats, “Fear outsiders. Fear outsiders. Fear outsiders. It just, it just keeps repeating that fear outsiders part.”

More from the wise people of Hollywood: “He’s not making these moves because he’s an idiot. He’s making these moves because he’s looking at the wrong stuff.” “Mr. Trump, if you are watching, because you . . . don’t read, and you have a true knack for finding examples of people criticizing you, we are very sorry. Your Constitution is not the one that we use.”

The celebrities conclude:

Help us help Trump by getting him the real copies of the Constitution, the Statue of Liberty, the Bible, the Declaration of Independence, D.C. transit turnstile numbers, the Gettysburg Address, seasons 1-7 of The West Wing, and the McDonald’s nutrition facts that we’re all familiar with. It’ll help him get on the same page as all of us. Because we are f***ed if we don’t.

Video below:

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