The decade's most triggering comedy
White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre mysteriously rematerialized at the briefing room podium on Monday to continue her daily campaign of disinformation, but before she handed the microphone over to another government disinformer, she had one final nugget of propaganda to deliver.
“And one last thing before I turn it over to the admiral. I just wanted to make sure we address this from the White House. I know there have been questions and concerns about this, but there is no — again, no indication of aliens or extraterrestrial activity — (laughter) — with these recent takedowns,” she said, according to the official transcript.
“Again, there is no indication of aliens or [extra]terrestrial activity with these recent takedowns. Wanted to make sure that the American people knew that, all of you knew that. And it was important for us to say that from here because we’ve been hearing a lot about it.”
The “journalists” in the room yukked it up.
“Are you disappointed by that?” one reporter probed (clearly exactly what an alien would ask).
“I — I’m not — (laughter) —,” KJP said. A dead giveaway!
“Would you tell us if there were, really?”
“I’m just — you know, I loved ‘E.T.,’ the movie. But I’m gon — I’m just going to leave it there. (Laughter.) With that, with all seriousness, I know there’s a lot of questions about the flying objects,” the alien spokesman said.
So there it is, definitive proof that there are aliens. The government lies about everything, and they’ve just said there are no aliens, so clearly, there are aliens.
But wait. Over the weekend, U.S. Air Force General Glen VanHerck (a made-up alien name if we’ve ever heard one) refused to rule out the possibility that the three objects shot down over North American airspace over the last few weeks were extraterrestrial, informing reporters the military does not currently know exactly what they are or even how they stay afloat.
“I’m not going to categorize them as balloons. We’re calling them objects for a reason,” VanHerck said in a press conference. “I’m not able to categorize how they stay aloft. It could be a gaseous type of balloon inside a structure or it could be some type of a propulsion system. But clearly, they’re — they’re able to stay aloft.”
A reporter asked if the Pentagon can rule out extraterrestrial activity as a source of the objects they shot down, and VanHerck answered, “I haven’t ruled out anything at this point.”
So if he’s lying, then there aren’t aliens. Unless even that is all part of the misdirection.
This much we do know. The Pentagon’s office for investigating potential UFO sightings received 366 reports in 2022. A preliminary report released in June 2021 listed just 144 reports — covering a 17-year period. So, reports of UFOs have exploded. Of the 366 reports last year, the office was able to explain more than half of those events, but they’ve got no clue what the rest were.
In a year-end press conference, a reporter asked if any evidence collected “shows any one of these anomalies is a space alien.”
“At this time, the answer’s no, we have nothing,” said Ronald Moultrie, the undersecretary of defense for intelligence and security. He later added, “We have not seen anything that would … lead us to believe that any of the objects that we have seen are of alien origin, if you will.”
So, obviously, more evidence that the aliens are here.
Back at the White House, James Rosen, chief correspondent for Newsmax who has covered the White House for 187 years (possible alien, maybe a vampire), was the only reporter in the room to follow up on the denial of aliens.
“My understanding is that the top officials in the Pentagon, when asked explicitly if they were ruling out any kind of extraterrestrial presence, said they weren’t ruling anything out. And yet, at the beginning of today’s briefing, albeit with her usual winning smile, Ms. Jean-Pierre seemed to rule out any extraterrestrial activity,” Rosen said of the animatronically alien spokesman.
“I don’t think the American people need to worry about aliens, with respect to these craft. Period. I don’t think there’s any more that needs to be said there,” National Security Council Coordinator for Strategic Communications John Kirby said in a robotic voice.
By the way, the most famous Kirby in the universe hails from the distant Planet Popstar (check it out, it’s real).
But again, isn’t that exactly what an alien would say? Nothing to see here, move along. And what’s with that last part of his sentence — “I don’t think the American people need to worry about aliens — with respect to these craft”?
So now we know: When the government says there are no aliens, there are aliens. Now, maybe the White House can explain its claim that the price of everything going up is actually good for Americans. Just remember, whatever they say, don’t believe them.
The views expressed in this piece are the author’s own and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.
Joseph Curl has covered politics for 35 years, including 12 years as White House correspondent for a national newspaper. He was also the a.m. editor of the Drudge Report for four years. Send tips to [email protected] and follow him on Twitter @josephcurl.