Sandmann Lawyers: Lying MSM Is Lying MSM [Satire]

The following is satirical.

The family of Covington Catholic High School student Nicholas Sandmann is suing mainstream media news outlets for being filled with lying, corrupt, anti-American two-bit weasels so low they could walk under a snake with a top hat on. Although those may not be the exact words used in the legal documents.

As you no doubt remember, Sandmann and his fellow students were waiting for a bus at the March for Life in DC when they were threatened by some nasty Black Hebrew Israelites shouting racist and anti-gay slurs. The situation was exacerbated by some gormless shmoe who started beating a drum and chanting in young Sandmann’s face. Sandmann tried to defuse the situation and even treated the shmoe with respect. But because Sandmann was wearing a Make American Great Again hat, the press went after him.

CNN, where facts come first — right after anti-Trump bias, anti-Republican hate, unfounded accusations of racism against anyone they disagree with, and of course any unchecked story that may reflect badly on conservatives — and then come the facts, unless they’ve run out of time or can call people racist again…

What was I saying?

Oh yeah. CNN said Sandmann and his friends displayed a “racist mob mentality” and “looked like they were going to lynch” the looney Israelites who were simply “preaching about the Bible nearby.”

The Washington Post, where Democracy dies in an atmosphere of leftist intellectual corruption so enveloping that their so-called journalists don’t even realize how corrupt they are and simply sink deeper and deeper into philosophical darkness. Unfortunately they can’t fit that whole thing on their masthead so they shorten it.

Anyway, the editor of The Washington Post B.S. Sanctimonious issued a statement saying, “Sure, we twisted our stories to make Sandmann seem evil, but hey, we’re the MSM, that’s how we roll!”

Legal experts say they expect Sandmann to win 70-gazillion dollars after which the mainstream media will finally reform and do their jobs honestly. Or maybe that’s just a dream I had.