NRA Rewrites ‘Hansel and Gretel’ This Time Giving Them Ample Fire Power Against The Witch

The National Rifle Association is doing its part to reach out to kids about the importance of armed self-defense when it comes to life-threatening situations, including when a witch traps you in a cage to turn you into stew.

Previously the gun-rights group released the story, “Little Red Riding Hood (Has A Gun),” and now they’re back with a follow-up, “Hansel and Gretel (Have Guns).”

In this version, instead of the two kids being abandoned by their parents and kidnapped by a witch who fattens them to eat them, they decide to gather their family’s hunting gear and go deep into the woods looking for wild game to feed on through the winter.

“Fortunately, they had been taught how safely to use a gun and had been hunting with their parents most of their lives,” the NRA’s version points out.

“They got a few squirrels and rabbits, which would certainly help, but were hoping to find bigger game that would mean even more food for the family…the kind of game that would get them through the winter.”

Then they came upon a 10-point buck and Gretel was ready.

“Her training had paid off, for she was able to bring the buck down instantly with a single shot. She and Hansel quickly field-dressed the deer and packed up to head back home, hardly believing their luck. They were excited to show their parents what they’d gotten. They would have to bring a hunting party from the village! As they lost the light of day, however, they also lost sight of the pebbles that were guiding them home and lost their way.”

On the way home with their spoils they got lost and that’s when they stumbled upon two boys trapped in a witch’s gingerbread cottage.

“We thought nobody would ever come!” the boy whispered excitedly, seeing Hansel and Gretel. “We have been here a week. The witch is fattening us up to make us into a stew! I don’t know how much time we have left” Hansel and Gretel exchanged horrified glances.”

Gretel clutched her rifle and helped Hansel release the boys as the witch slept. They escaped back to the village and returned the boys to their parents. Hansel and Gretel’s family were “overjoyed to see them come home from their hunting trip with meat for the pot, and shocked to hear” of what the witch was doing.

“Villagers, prepared with rifles and pistols, headed into the forest, Hansel and Gretel leading the way.

When they came upon the witch’s cottage, the sheriff locked her into the cage in which the boys had been locked just the night before, to be taken away so she could never harm another child. The sheriff stood guard as the villagers hunted, coming back with more game than they had been able to find in months. There in the woods, the village held a feast.

The witch’s cottage made for an excellent dessert.”

Amelia Hamilton, the writer of the tale, is “a conservative blogger and author of the Growing Patriots series of children’s books, is a lifelong writer and patriot. She has a master’s degree in both English and 18th-century history from the University of St. Andrews in Scotland, and a postgraduate diploma in fine and decorative arts from Christie’s London.”

For her website where she writes about school choice and her “Growing Patriots”: click here.