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Conservatives have a lot of opinions on how many children a woman should have. But, if they really cared about increasing the birth rate, perhaps they wouldn’t.
This week, Hannah Neeleman caused a stir after announcing she was having her ninth child. Dubbed “queen of the ‘trad wives,” Neeleman creates content of her family’s life running a beautiful farm for her more than 10 million Instagram followers. A viral tweet responding to Neeleman’s announcement of her ninth baby questioned if two parents could give nine children the love and connection they need.
Conservatives rightly rushed to her defense — after all, in an age where children are no longer valued, this gorgeous former ballerina is spending her millions raising a big family, and that’s something to celebrate.
“What the heck do you know about having 9 kids?” American Principles Project President Terry Schilling asked. “You should talk to a big family or a kid from a big family about their experience. You really get a lot more attention in a big family than a small one. And kids from big families are way more stable and less anxious than kids who need everything to be perfect for them.”
But just because the Neeleman family has the desire and resources requisite for nine kids, that doesn’t mean everyone needs to have enough children to fill a baseball field.
Simple math provides the basis of the viral question: The more children two parents have to care for, the less time they have to spend individually with each child. Sociologists call this resource dilution, which one study described as an acknowledgement that “parental resources are finite and that as the number of children in the family increases, the resources accrued by any one child necessarily decline.”
I’m not suggesting there are only negatives to having a big family; the internet is filled with testimonies of their joys. But, like most things in life, having a big family brings pros and cons. This used to be something conservatives were allowed to talk about. The suggestion that big families might have any downsides drew the sharp ire of conservatives and pro-birth pronatalists alike, who wholeheartedly defended big families, with some seemingly expressing contempt for smaller ones.
“If you had a large family like mine, you would know that plenty of time without the searching eyes and drilling attention of the mother of two is one of the best thing you can give your children,” doctor and writer Grazie Pozo Christie said. “Oh and siblings! Don’t forget about the incalculable blessing of siblings.”
An account called Meta Trav was more direct in its criticism of small families, tweeting, “The modern obsession with ‘adequate time and attention’ per child is a broken framework. Two parents hovering over one or two kids produces anxious, poorly socialized children who never had to negotiate with a real peer group.”
This response makes sense when you understand that a certain branch of the pronatalist movement views having many children not only as an example of peak womanhood but also as an example of good morality. Many parts of the conservative movement have adopted this messaging. You’ve probably heard someone telling young people to get married and have more kids than they can afford, while saying next to nothing about the stress and finances needed to raise a large family.
Big families are a luxury good, particularly if you can afford a large family on one income. The average yearly cost to raise a child in America grew to $27,743 in 2025. That’s $83,229 a year to support three kids or $249,687 to support nine children. Estimates show the median American household income is around $84,000. While I’ve seen conservatives brush off the financial concerns that affect family formation, the real-world consequences of financial stress, such as marital instability and health deterioration, can be devastating.
Neeleman not only runs a very successful business but is also the daughter-in-law of a multi-millionaire and, foreseeably, has access to resources of which most middle-class families could only dream. Being able to afford family support, such as nannies and house cleaners, can make having a large family seem easy. I have yet to see an online influencer with a big family delivering pronatalist messaging share her monthly income, her extended family support, and the number of full-time nannies she employs. This information would be helpful to young people wanting to achieve a big family.
Building a family isn’t simply about birthing children. It’s about parenting well and raising adults who will, one day, parent their own children well. That’s how you create a generational legacy.
If you have the familial, emotional, and financial resources to provide for and parent nine kids, that’s incredible. Go for it! Every one of those nine children will be a blessing to your family. But not everyone is equipped or called to have nine kids. And the number of children you have, whether it’s zero or nine, isn’t a reflection of your morality. It’s a personal calling between you, your spouse, and God — not the internet.
I would strongly advise young people to take advice on family formation from parents, family, and mentors — the people who will help raise and support your children — rather than online influencers. The conservative movement is doing young families, in particular young women, a great disservice by pushing a message that having and caring for many children is easy and blissful. Real motherhood isn’t a beautifully curated online fantasy.
Being a mom, particularly a new mom, is hard. Experiencing sleepless nights and huge hormonal shifts while small people depend on you to meet their every need is no small task. And the identity shift — learning to completely center your world around the needs of a baby — is a lesson in servanthood for which no one can prepare you.
The message I tell my own daughter is that, if she is blessed to become a mother, raising kids will be the hardest but best thing she will ever do. And I will do everything in my power to support her.
Conservatives need to understand that normal, middle-class young women who are scared of having kids or struggling with young motherhood need encouragement and support — not scolding about how many children they should have. Offering to babysit regularly for a struggling young mom will be much more effective in helping her grow her family than telling her why she should have more kids. We are all tired of that anyway.
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The views expressed in this piece are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.
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