New Book Claims Biden’s Word Salads Are Really Coded Cries For Help [Satire]

A team of investigative reporters is claiming that presumptive former President Joe Biden is not, in fact, a dithering old fool descending rapidly from mere stupidity into witless senility while uttering completely incomprehensible word salads to a media determined to cover up his degeneration into a quivering puddle of barely sentient flesh, but has in fact been sending coded messages to the public that merely sound like the incomprehensible word salads of a dithering old fool descending rapidly into witless senility, and so on.

The team of reporters, which includes the guard who was supposed to be outside Jeffrey Epstein’s prison cell, the guy who runs Comet Pizza, and Dan Rather, make the claim in their new book, “Help, I’m Locked in the Basement.”