New Bang Bang Fang Fang Dating App Matches Hot Chinese Babes With Highly Placed Democrats [Satire]

Democratic presidential candidate Rep. Eric Swalwell (D-CA) leaves a press conference at his campaign headquarters where he announced that he is dropping out of the presidential race on July 08, 2019 in Dublin, California. Three months after entering the presidential race, Swalwell announced that he is dropping out to focus on campaigning for re-election to his congressional seat. Swalwell is the first Democratic presidential candidate who qualified for the first debate to drop out of the race. (Photo by Justin Sullivan/Getty Images)
Justin Sullivan/Getty Images

A new dating app for Democrats offers them a chance to meet delightful, sensual Chinese girls who love to take long walks and share secrets.

The app, called Bang Bang Fang Fang, is available free to Democrat members of Congress, college professors in the hard sciences, those working in the defense industry and anyone with a view of the Pentagon and a telescope.

An ad for the app says, “There are almost 1.4 billion people in China, and even with all the aborted baby girls, that still leaves a lot of hot Asian babes just raring to meet a well-connected Democrat like you.

“These lonesome, submissive darlings want to cater to your every whim while you pour out your heart to them about your important work on the House Intelligence Committee or at the weapons plant, just to give a couple of random examples.

“Nothing turns these women on like a real man’s man who can understand those complex subjects a mere girl can’t comprehend, like engineering or international business legislation or the placement of weapon caches and military installations.

“Just listen to the ecstatic praise from these satisfied — and we do mean satisfied — customers.

“‘Wow!’ says Congressman Eric Swalwell, ‘If you think Dan Dan Sichuan noodles is a hot Chinese dish, wait till you get a load of the hot Chinese dishes on offer on the Bang Bang Fang Fang dating app. These girls will breach your Great Wall and make a beeline for your Forbidden City, if you get my drift. And more than that, they’re really good listeners too.”

“Hunter Biden agrees, and says, ‘In the fast-paced world of high finance, it’s important to be able to make connections and I can really connect with a sweet little Chinese number who is impressed by what an important person I am, especially now. With Bang Bang Fang Fang, I can really make out, even after paying ten percent to the Big Guy.’

“So download the Bang Bang Fang Fang dating app today. It’s available wherever Democrats are sold.”

More satire from Andrew Klavan: Biden Addresses Pandemic With Bold New Plan Trump Has Already Completed

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