Opinion

Nation Sings ‘Let It Snow!’ As One Inch Flurry Shuts Down Government

   DailyWire.com
The Capitol Hill is seen in snow in Washington D.C., the United States, on Jan. 13, 2019. (Xinhua/Shen Ting)
Xinhua/Shen Ting/Getty Images

The following is satirical.

An inch of snow fell on Washington DC yesterday and the entire government shut down. Scientists have since been working around the clock to see if they can get the phenomenon to repeat itself.

The scientists have calculated that each inch of snow per day will save Americans approximately 13-billion dollars in federal spending, and if they can create an inch of snow per day for the entire year, American citizens may finally achieve the founders’ dream of becoming a free people. Unfortunately, if the experiment is unsuccessful, it’ll just be the same old crap.

At the Pentagon, Generals were just sitting down to discuss an Iranian missile strike against American troops in Iraq when the inch of snow started falling, whereupon the joint chiefs rushed outdoors and began trying to catch the snowflakes on their tongues and build snowmen before gathering by the fireside over a hot cup of cocoa to order the sinking of the entire Iranian Navy, followed by a sleigh ride and a snowball fight.

In the House of Representatives, the snowfall found Nancy Pelosi and the Democrats meeting to discuss impeachment, which they say is an urgent matter because President Trump has threatened the very future of Constitutional governance by doing whatever the hell he was supposed to have done according to witnesses who heard that other witnesses may have said yet another group of witnesses might have whispered something to Congressman Adam Schiff who swore it was really, really bad and why would he lie?

With the fate of the republic at stake, the Democrats wanted to rush the impeachment process to the Senate but that dang inch of snow started falling so instead they all gathered at the window to gaze wistfully at the wintry scene and reminisce about the good old days before the voters found out they were Communists.

In the Senate, everyone went home when the snow began to fall except for Mitch McConnell, who hung around to confirm 726 new federal judges.

Got a tip worth investigating?

Your information could be the missing piece to an important story. Submit your tip today and make a difference.

Submit Tip
The Daily Wire   >  Read   >  Nation Sings ‘Let It Snow!’ As One Inch Flurry Shuts Down Government