Executives at Disney are deeply puzzled over why yet another of their big budget franchise films has flopped at the box office. No one has yet been able to discover the reason for last weekend’s utter failure of “Girl-Boss Marvels Two: This Time, We’re in Your Face, Penis Man,” starring much-in-demand actress Shrilly Crowcall and some black girl and a Hispanic girl, no one really cares which, least of all the people who hired them.
Made at a cost of over $200 million, the movie had an opening weekend reminiscent of a bad day in Nagasaki, earning approximately seventeen dollars and 35 cents, but only after studio heads collected and redeemed the soda cans that had been thrown at the screen by people on their way to see something more entertaining like bread mold or that crazy guy outside the theater who is catatonic for half an hour at a time and then suddenly starts shrieking incomprehensible nonsense and then drops his pants and plants crap in front of everyone, so is kind of like a Disney film except you can watch it for free. Until Disney execs can figure out what is going wrong, they’ve decided to suspend the release of other big budget Marvel pictures starring promising new superheroes like Captain Groomer and Ironpants.
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