On Sunday night, Fox Host Tucker Carlson offered a rejoinder after left-wing Media Matters issued a hit piece earlier in the day citing Carlson’s derogatory remarks between 2006 and 2011 about women.
Carlson tweeted: “Media Matters caught me saying something naughty on a radio show more than a decade ago. Rather than express the usual ritual contrition, how about this: I’m on television every weeknight for more than an hour. If you want to know what I think, you can watch. Anyone who disagrees with my views is welcome to come on and explain why.”
The hit piece in Media Matters described various conversations Carlson, who hosted the nightly program “Tucker” on MSNBC from 2005 to 2008, then joined Fox News in 2009, had on a shock jock radio program titled “Bubba the Love Sponge” between 2006 and 2011. Below are the transcripts of the conversations according to Media Matters:
1. CO-HOST: In the eyes of the law, people that are under 16 cannot consent to sex for any reason!
BUBBA THE LOVE SPONGE: Yeah, Tucker.
CARLSON: I don’t — in the state of — it varies by state. I mean, I know that —
CO-HOST: I think he’s in federal prison, though. We’re talking about the —
THE LOVE SPONGE: You know, all too often, Manson thinks that you’re a god, but he’s disgusted by you today. He really is.
CO-HOST: Having sex with a —
CARLSON: I’m not —
CO-HOST: 15-year-old is —
CARLSON: Look, just to make it absolutely clear. I am not defending underage marriage at all. I just don’t think it’s the same thing exactly as pulling a child from a bus stop and sexually assaulting that child.
CO-HOST: Yeah, it’s — you know what it is? It’s much more planned out and plotted.
THE LOVE SPONGE: Yeah, it should be almost — you almost should put a premeditation —
CARLSON: Wait, wait! Hold on a second. The rapist, in this case, has made a lifelong commitment to live and take care of the person, so it is a little different. I mean, let’s me honest about it.
CO-HOST: That’s twisted.
CARLSON: I’m sorry, I don’t know how I —
CO-HOST: That’s demented.
CARLSON: I got myself in a position that seem like I’m defending it, because I am against that. [Bubba the Love Sponge Show, via YouTube, 08/27/09]
2. BUBBA THE LOVE SPONGE: The difference between blue-blooded rich people from Georgetown in Washington, D.C., and hillbillies from Warsaw, Indiana? Boarding school, to me when we were growing up, was what they threatened you with when you were a complete dick and unmanageable.
CO-HOST: They called it reform school.
THE LOVE SPONGE: Well, whatever. They said, we’re sending you away to school.
THE LOVE SPONGE: That’s like considered a blue-blooded treat in the circles [inaudible] jackass. It’s still the same.
CO-HOST: They’ve got their kids duped.
THE LOVE SPONGE: Yeah.
CARLSON: That is so funny. I am gonna — when I see her this weekend I’m gonna tell her you said that.
THE LOVE SPONGE: How’s this prison-like facility doing?
CARLSON: If you had seen it — it’s literally, the school is in a Robin Williams movie and I can never remember — I’ve never seen it, but it’s Mr. Chips or — it’s a movie that Robin Williams did about boarding school.
CO-HOST: Dead Poets Society?
THE LOVE SPONGE: Yeah. Dead Poets Society.
CARLSON: Yeah. Thank you, thank you, thank you. And it was shot at her school.
THE LOVE SPONGE: Yeah, I bet it was.
CARLSON: It’s a good-looking place. I mean, it’s a great-looking place.
THE LOVE SPONGE: I know. It costs $60,000 a year. My God.
CARLSON: What they do is they hide the concertina wire. I mean, it’s there, you know, but it’s behind the guard towers so you can’t really see it as well as you would normally. No, trust me, you will send your kids to boarding school.
THE LOVE SPONGE: No, I will not, I promise you that. I love my kids and I want to hang on to them and love them and give them a kiss at night and not have to talk to them via AT&T and text them and things like that. Then they throw me a bone that I get to see them every fifth weekend. That’s considered, you know, a privilege. By the way, it’s my kid last time I checked. Jesus. You rich people.
CARLSON: My daughter, who’s a big Bubba fan, will definitely be amused.
THE LOVE SPONGE: Well tell her that Bubba, big Bubba, is the one that’s sticking up for her trying to get her back into the big house. I mean, you’re treating her like a slave. Yeah, Master Dad, I’d love to be back in the big house, Master Dad. I don’t like living in a dormitory with other bad girls, please, Master Dad. She’s probably picking up —
CARLSON: Cold water showers and mush.
THE LOVE SPONGE: Yeah. You don’t — those rich kids, man. It’s hard telling some of the stuff she’s gonna pick up.
CARLSON: Yeah. It’s — look, actually, I think it’s a more sheltered environment than it is going to–
THE LOVE SPONGE: Yeah.
THE LOVE SPONGE: Let me just give you an example, OK? When she’s laying her head in your bed at night, you know who the hell’s in her bedroom and what they’re doing. Nobody, just her. Well, when she’s in a dormitory-type setting and these little girls start experiment around, next thing you know, you know, you got a lesbian on your hands.
CARLSON: I don’t think — I don’t think that’s likely.
CO-HOST: Next thing you know, boom.
CARLSON: I don’t think that’s —
THE LOVE SPONGE: Boom. Next thing you know —
CARLSON: I don’t think that’s likely. I just don’t see it.
THE LOVE SPONGE: Next thing you know, [inaudible], what’s going on in the [inaudible] dormitory? Nothing. I don’t got a PSP to play, I ain’t got nothing going on, I ain’t got my mom and dad here telling me that they love me and tuck me in bed. So, here’s Trixie, she wants to explore my body a little bit, so hey, let’s go crazy.
CO-HOST: Wow. You’re a sicko.
CARLSON: If it weren’t my daughter I would love that scenario.
CO-HOST: That’s one theory.
THE LOVE SPONGE: Well I mean it’s a — Manson, Manson, can you tell him —
CARLSON: But I just can’t. And I just think that’s pretty unlikely —
THE LOVE SPONGE: As outlandish as that is, how old is your daughter?
THE LOVE SPONGE: Manson, can you please try to help me out here.
CO-HOST: No. I think you’re on your own on this one. I think you’re crazy.
THE LOVE SPONGE: Screw you, Manson. Fourteen-year-old girls, man, are getting into that sort of deal. Manson, you yourself told me that the new cool thing amongst girls is what?
CO-HOST: To be a fake lesbian.
THE LOVE SPONGE: Thank you. So you don’t think that does not go into the blue-blooded boarding houses as well?
CO-HOST: Well if you’ve raised your daughter right she’s not gonna, you know —
THE LOVE SPONGE: OK. I’m telling you, peer pressure’s a bitch, especially when your mom and dad aren’t there to solidify it every day. I’m telling ya. Nobody wants to listen to me.
CARLSON: Yeah, I think it’s much less likely. [Bubba the Love Sponge Show, via YouTube, 10/25/09]
3. BUBBA THE LOVE SPONGE: You know, I’ve asked everybody in this show, because we mostly agree with you, but I have not found one person that’s on TV, a journalist, in paper — I’ve not been able to find anybody that has the same stance as you.
CARLSON: Well that’s because nobody has the balls to articulate it because everyone is afraid of what people are going to say. I’m not endorsing polygamy. My — here’s my point: If a guy wants to be polygamist, that’s kind of his business.
THE LOVE SPONGE: But I — [crosstalk]
CARLSON: And maybe it’s — you know what I mean?
THE LOVE SPONGE: But where I think you’ve gone wrong is how you’ve downplayed how much of a crime this is, and how you’ve tried, I mean —
CARLSON: Wait, what? Crime is what? Do you know what the guy’s been charged with? I actually do know, because I got the subpoena. I got the indictment.
CO-HOST: Felony rape.
CARLSON: Felony rape, and do you know what he’s accused of doing?
THE LOVE SPONGE: But Tucker —
CARLSON: He’s not accused of touching anybody; he is accused of facilitating a marriage between a 16-year-old girl and a 27-year-old man. That’s the accusation. That’s what they’re calling felony rape. [crosstalk] That’s bullshit. I’m sorry. Now this guy may be [crosstalk], may be a child rapist. I’m just telling you that arranging a marriage between a 16-year-old and a 27-year-old is not the same as pulling a stranger off the street and raping her. That’s bullshit.
THE LOVE SPONGE: But Tuck, that’s just a small little thing that they got him on. Now, this guy is a —
CARLSON: Wait, wait, wait. Since when do you believe everything the government says? Wait a second.
THE LOVE SPONGE: Hold on. You know what —
CARLSON: All of a sudden, like we’re very skeptical about everything until like some prosecutor comes out and says, “This guy’s bad,” and the rest of us nod in agreement like a church choir, “Yeah, he’s bad.” How do we know he’s bad? What do we know exactly? Nothing.
THE LOVE SPONGE: Tucker, Tucker, settle down, lover. I mean, come on. I mean, jeez.
CARLSON: Get excited.
THE LOVE SPONGE: Has management came to you and told you to back it down a half a notch on the polygamy deal, and be honest.
CARLSON: No, but I’m sure that — no, I promise that — but I’m sure they’re totally horrified and disgusted. I mean, why wouldn’t they be? Because in TV, you have to take the most popular point of view all the time. That’s the whole idea.
THE LOVE SPONGE: Brent, help me out here.
CARLSON: Whatever the public is for, whoever the majority is for, you gotta be for. So you know what I mean? You’re not allowed to take like unpopular or confusing points of view.
CO-HOST: And Tucker, I totally understand your libertarian instincts taking over because at first, that’s mine too, but once I dug into it, I realized that these girls, actually, they just have no chance in life, because they’re not allowed to go to school past eighth grade —
CARLSON: I agree.
CO-HOST: They drive the boys —
CARLSON: It’s disgusting! I think the religion is ridiculous, I think it’s a cult, I think it’s totally immoral. But that’s not the point. The question is, two questions — one: Is this guy one of the top 10 most dangerous people in America? The answer is no, unequivocally no. And two: If you’re, like, for the government butting out of the bedroom and for gay marriage, and for the right of strip clubs to operate unimpeded by governments — how exactly can you be against polygamy? On what grounds are you against polygamy? I don’t get that.
CO-HOST: I’m against polygamy on the grounds of the pedophilia aspect of it.
CARLSON: I know, but that’s like saying I’m against marriage because some fathers beat their kids, or some fathers molest their daughters.
CO-HOST: Well, in the state of Florida, though, if you’re a 27-year-old and you marry a 16-year-old, that is felony rape in the state.
CARLSON: No, that’s not true. That is absolutely not true. That is not true. In the state of Florida, if she has the consent of her parents, you can marry her.
THE LOVE SPONGE: But it’s 23-16 in the state of Florida. I checked with the same people.
CARLSON: No, no. If she has the permission of her parents, you can marry her at 16. [Bubba the Love Sponge Show, 09/05/06]
4. BUBBA THE LOVE SPONGE: Should have said, “You know what? The act of being married to multiple people really isn’t as big of a problem as those that are 12 and 13.”
CO-HOST: Yeah, that’s what Warren Jeffs’ in prison for. He’s not in prison for polygamy, he’s in prison for child rape.
CARLSON: Well, actually, he’s not in prison for that. He didn’t — Warren Jeffs didn’t marry underaged girls, actually.
CO-HOST: No, he’s in prison for facilitation of child rape.
CARLSON: Whatever the hell that means.
CO-HOST: That means that —
CARLSON: He’s in prison because he’s weird and unpopular and he has a different lifestyle that other people find creepy.
CO-HOST: No, he is an accessory to the rape of children. That is a felony and a serious one at that.
CARLSON: What do you mean an accessory? He’s like got some weird religious cult where he thinks it’s OK to, you know, marry underaged girls, but he didn’t do it. Why wouldn’t the guy who actually did it, who had sex with an underaged girl, he should be the one who’s doing life.
CO-HOST: If I go buy a gun and hand it to you knowing that you’re gonna murder somebody, I’m just as guilty as you in the eyes of the law.
CARLSON: I totally disagree.
CO-HOST: I didn’t write the law.
CARLSON: Yeah, maybe in the eyes of the law you are, but morally you’re not as guilty. You didn’t do it.
THE LOVE SPONGE: Well, Tucker, last time I checked, you don’t make the laws around here, bitch.
CARLSON: I should make the — you know what, I should make the laws around here, and Michael Vick would have been executed, and Warren Jeffs would be out on the street.
THE LOVE SPONGE: The governor of Arizona, right now. That’s the problem. We’d all be —
CO-HOST: Dog killing, bad. Child rape, eh, not so much.
THE LOVE SPONGE: Yeah, dog killing, really bad.
CARLSON: — child rape. I’m not for child rape. I’m just saying, if you mistreat dogs like that, we’re going to have to execute you.
THE LOVE SPONGE: Let me. [Bubba the Love Sponge Show, via YouTube, 08/27/09]
5. CARLSON: I was just reading a story trying to figure out how to get it into our show tonight, about the kid, the 13-year-old, who was, I guess, molested, they’re saying, by his teacher, who had sex with him 28 times in one week. … She slept with this kid 28 times in one week. Now, I ask you —
THE LOVE SPONGE: In one week?
CARLSON: You have a lot of experience. You’ve been around, right? Could you do that?
THE LOVE SPONGE: Could I sleep with — not a kid, but could I sleep with a woman —
CARLSON: Could you sleep with a 165-pound woman 28 times in one week? Are you physically capable of doing that or do you take your hat off to this kid?
THE LOVE SPONGE: Yeah, this kid should get like a Nobel Peace Prize.
CARLSON: The Presidential Medal of Freedom, anyway.
THE LOVE SPONGE: Now at the end of the day. But see, you know, now as double standard as everybody wants to be, it just seems like so much more of a crime from this beast then it does Debra Lafave, does it not?
CARLSON: Totally. Look, my theory on this is, you know, 13-year-old boys have one goal, obviously in life —
THE LOVE SPONGE: To get laid.
CARLSON: Of course. And they take that out on 13-year-old girls. Now, 13-year-old boys getting laid, not a bad thing. Thirteen-year-old girls getting laid, bad thing. Particularly if the 13-year-old girl is your daughter, right?
THE LOVE SPONGE: See, why are we so double standard in the fact that a 13-year-old boy getting a little booty is just the man’s way, no big deal, doesn’t even really matter who it is. I mean, I guess it really does, but in our messed up mind, but boy, as soon as it’s a 13-year-old girl, everybody want to burn that person at the stake.
CARLSON: Because when a 13-year-old boy is 35 he can barely remember the girls he slept with when he was 13.
THE LOVE SPONGE: That’s true.
CARLSON: Right? But a 13-year-old girl, when she’s 35, she’s still thinking about that guy. I mean, it’s just a much deeper experience for girls at that age and they’re not ready for that.
THE LOVE SPONGE: Girls are far more screwed up then we are. We can just have sex and screw and be done with it. They really, like, they keep a part of them.
CARLSON: Exactly. So my point is that teacher’s like this, not necessarily this one in particular, but they are doing a service to all 13-year-old girls by taking the pressure off. They are a pressure relief valve, like the kind you have on your furnace. [Bubba the Love Sponge Show, 04/04/06]
6. THE LOVE SPONGE: Bill Clinton is a real man, and Bill Clinton could give a fuck whether Hillary wins or loses. He’s just playing the role right now. He’s trying to get some whores. He doesn’t give a fuck about that battle-ax. He’s trying to keep her busy right now.
CARLSON: But he can laid anytime he wants.
CO-HOST: Oh, right.
CARLSON: Why doesn’t he divorce her and, you know, take up plural marriage or something with a bunch of teenagers in a foreign country.
THE LOVE SPONGE: He’s saying, “Oh, wait, I don’t want her to drop out early, because that means she has to get off the campaign trail. Fuck that. I need to keep her going.”
CO-HOST: Yeah. You’re busy as fuck as president, man. I can get some whores.
CARLSON: No, he is doing her bidding like a good little boy. [Bubba the Love Sponge Show, 01/08/08]
7. BUBBA THE LOVE SPONGE: Let’s get into a couple things. One, this whole Duke issue. I mean, is this not, honest to God, Tucker, in my opinion, and tell me what you think, I think these guys are innocent.
CARLSON: Well, I think they could get railroaded. I mean, you know, look, here’s the bottom line. And I said this the other day and there was all this outrage and, “How could you say that,” but I mean, this woman sells sex for a living. OK? I’m not attacking that — I’m merely noting it. She sells sex for a living. If she’s accusing other people of nonconsensual sex, it’s a little more complicated than if some, you know, housewife claims she was pulled off the street and raped. It’s just not the same thing. It’s harder to determine what’s consensual and what’s not. And to act like, you know, these guys absolutely did it because she’s this oppressed stripper, pardon me, adult dancer or exotic dancer, whatever the hell they’re calling her, is ridiculous. I mean, these kids, maybe they did do something wrong, I don’t know. But, I mean, you got to give them the benefit of the doubt. [Bubba the Love Sponge Show, 04/08/06]
8. CARLSON: Ross, I’ll tell you one thing that can be done immediately is to eliminate rape shield laws. I mean, why is it if I accuse you of embezzlement, of shooting my dog, or shooting me, of any crime, I have to go face you in open court. My name is available to anybody who’s reporting on the case, right?
CARLSON: Your name is in the public eye. My name is in the public eye. Why is it that, in this one category of crimes, the accuser doesn’t have to be treated as an adult? I don’t understand that. It gives the accuser all the power —
CARLSON: — basically. So if I’m alleging rape, I have the protection of anonymity. I can say whatever I want while hiding behind anonymity, while the person I accused, whether he’s guilty or not, has his life destroyed. That’s totally unfair.
BUBBA THE LOVE SPONGE: It is true. And it’s fucking bullshit.
CO-HOST: That’s —
CARLSON: I don’t — I don’t underst — I mean, we’ve done a couple of shows on this, and we always had these feminists on who kind of, “Well, because no one would ever report rape.” Really? I don’t know. Women seem to be adults to me. I mean, in other words, if you are grievously injured by another person, it’s not your fault. I don’t understand why, if you’re an adult, you just can’t get up and say, “This is what the person did to me.” [Bubba the Love Sponge Show, 05/09/06]
9. CARLSON: You guys are all back together now?
BUBBA THE LOVE SPONGE: We’re all back together. We got ex-Buccaneer and Miami Dolphin Lamar Thomas in here, played for the University of Miami. And he choked a girl out couple years back, was in jail, made a lot of money. Just got fired from his TV gig, and has a cock the same size as a king-size Snickers bar. And he’s in the studio today.
CO-HOST: He just went to take a leak.
THE LOVE SPONGE: He just went to take a piss. And he only screws white women. And we get the best out of all the guys.
CARLSON: He told you all that stuff?
CO-HOST: Oh yeah.
THE LOVE SPONGE: That’s what we’ve got on him so far, yes.
CARLSON: Damn. Why did he choke the girl?
THE LOVE SPONGE: Well, we’ll find that out in a moment.
CO-HOST: She was acting up.
THE LOVE SPONGE: She was acting up.
CARLSON: She was acting — and she just didn’t listen?
THE LOVE SPONGE: He rifled her right down the stairs, too.
CARLSON: That’s pretty heavy.
THE LOVE SPONGE: Well, that was like 10 years —
CO-HOST: That was over 10 years ago.
CARLSON: Oh, it was 10 years.
CO-HOST: That was over 10 years ago. [Bubba the Love Sponge Show, 08/02/06]
10. BUBBA THE LOVE SPONGE: I remember when I choked out Rebecca. First person I called was you. I mean, I was freaked out. I was like, Hogan, I just choked her out, what do I do? You go, go get a hotel room, brother. So they don’t come knocking on your door.
HULK HOGAN: Yeah, she was hardcore, though. She didn’t call the cops or nothing.
THE LOVE SPONGE: No, she liked it. I think she kind of got turned on by it.
CARLSON: What do you mean you choked her out?
HOGAN: He’s at my gym, all pumped up, eyeballs popping out of his head. He was about 245 pounds, you know, walking around all day long with his hard-on, you know, like King Kong. His girlfriend didn’t do one of the demands he wanted so he yoked her up.
THE LOVE SPONGE: That ain’t how it went, Hogan. Hogan, hold on. You know what?
THE LOVE SPONGE: Let me tell you how it went.
CARLSON: So like you flew into a steroid-fueled rage and beat up your girlfriend?
THE LOVE SPONGE: Me and Hogan never done steroids ever. Look at us. I mean, Hogan’s never touched a steroid. This is how it went down, Tucker.
HOGAN: I haven’t? OK, whatever.
THE LOVE SPONGE: This is how it went down.
HOGAN: Now we’re liars too. We’re thieves and liars.
THE LOVE SPONGE: Hogan was on federal trial for steroids back in the day, Tucker. Did you know that?
CARLSON: No, I had no clue.
THE LOVE SPONGE: Man, Hogan —
HOGAN: Where’s Tucker? Tucker, bro, you got a newspaper, running water, electricity? Where you been, man?
THE LOVE SPONGE: Hey listen to this man —
CARLSON: I don’t know. I didn’t know. I mean, I’m for steroids. [Bubba the Love Sponge Show, 01/06/10]
11. CO-HOST: Yeah, Allison Stewart is actually really good looking.
CARLSON: Do you run into Martha Stewart in the hallway over there?
BUBBA THE LOVE SPONGE: No.
CO-HOST: Alexa Stewart, we run into her all the time.
CARLSON: She seems like a — she seems awful —
THE LOVE SPONGE: Cunt.
CO-HOST: Yeah, she is awful
THE LOVE SPONGE: They’re very cunty
CARLSON: She seems extremely cunty.
THE LOVE SPONGE: I like to hear that word, oh yeah — I stepped over him. She seems what now? Go ahead.
CARLSON: She just does seem a little cunty. I mean you said it; I’m just agreeing with you. I don’t use that word because it’s offensive —
THE LOVE SPONGE: Right. I’d love for Tucker Carlson. Tonight on MSNBC a girl that comes across kind of cunty.
CARLSON: Well she does. I mean, I heard — I mean, now I’m a Brent fan, so, I’m just stating my bias right out front here. I heard her on with him and I just wanted to give her the spanking she so desperately needs. …
CARLSON: She seems so high maintenance, she seems like the kind of person you marry and then just the rest of your life is like hell.
THE LOVE SPONGE: Yeah, you’re fucked. She seemed like the kind of girl that you marry and then go out and have a whore on the side.
CARLSON: At least, and then go shoot yourself. And even that’s not enough to raise her spirits. …
THE LOVE SPONGE: She’s got real big fucking Dumbo teacup for ears. She looks like a taxicab going down the road with the doors open, Brent, with her fucking ears.
CARLSON: I don’t normally laugh at girls’ appearances, just because I think it’s mean. But she — I’m bending the rule for her. [Bubba the Love Sponge, 5/2/06]
12. CO-HOST: Putting Paris and Britney in a commercial with Obama is a classic old-school miscegenation, old-South —
BUBBA THE LOVE SPONGE: Uncle Tom —
CARLSON: Are you serious?
CO-HOST: — old-South “these two young white girls are going to be dating a Black man.”
CARLSON: So they’re trying to say that he’s coming for your pristine white daughters by putting two of the biggest white whores in America —
CO-HOST: Subliminally, yes.
CARLSON: Come on. [Bubba the Love Sponge Show, 8/5/08]
13. CARLSON: Well, I’ll tell you exactly. I mean, honestly, I voted for McCain, again, because I like the guy personally —
BUBBA THE LOVE SPONGE: No, because you want to —
CARLSON: And two, because —
THE LOVE SPONGE: Because you want to fuck —
CARLSON: It offends all the cultists in my neighborhood.
THE LOVE SPONGE: You want to fuck Sarah Palin.
CO-HOST: You want to talk about —
CARLSON: Well, there’s that. There is that. I’ll agree with that. [Bubba the Love Sponge, 11/04/08]
14. BUBBA THE LOVE SPONGE: How does she look? I mean, she looks great on TV, but sometimes people don’t look that good in real life. How is she in real life?
TUCKER CARLSON: She’s — she looks the same. Saucy and cute.
THE LOVE SPONGE: Really?
CARLSON: She’s funny too. Yeah, she’s totally funny.
THE LOVE SPONGE: But Iike — you can never get a good bearing on the body when you’re behind that desk. What’s the body like?
CO-HOST: Is she in shape?
THE LOVE SPONGE: Is the body —
CARLSON: As far as I know, yeah, she’s like a big, you know, weight lifter and stuff. [Bubba the Love Sponge Show, 3/11/08]
15. CARLSON: Now the problem with Hillary is you look at Hillary and you know in your heart that if she could castrate you, she would.
BUBBA THE LOVE SPONGE: Yeah, she would.
CARLSON: So thereby she gets not a single vote from any white male in the country. Now you can hate white males if you want, but you kind of need them to vote for you. [Bubba the Love Sponge Show, 3/14/06]
16. CO-HOST: I think Evan Bayh is gonna beat Hillary in the Democratic primary because of the Midwest factor.
BUBBA THE LOVE SPONGE: And Hillary is all about — she’s not about being a vice presidential candidate, is she, Tuck?
CARLSON: No, no, no. No, no, no. No. She has dreams of real power. Now, if she were to get real power — let’s say she were to get absolute power, how long do you think it would take before she castrated you?
THE LOVE SPONGE: How long do you think it would take before Bill stole the show? As a first husband.
CARLSON: Well that’s another point. I mean, that would be pretty entertaining. [Bubba the Love Sponge Show, 3/12/06]
17. CARLSON: But mostly it kind of leavens it. Like, here’s Hillary, but there’s also someone who isn’t so strongly anti-penis also running with her. [Bubba the Love Sponge, 1/22/08]
18. CO-HOST: Yeah, you know what, I’m glad you brought that up, Tucker, because I meant to tell you that no matter how much somebody disagrees with you, I thought it was absolutely disgusting that Arianna Huffington attacked your father.
CARLSON: Oh my God, she’s a pig. And the funny thing is, I’ve known her for a long time and knew her husband and everything, and I could — I could have a lot to say about that, actually. [Bubba the Love Sponge Show, 10/10/06]
19. BUBBA THE LOVE SPONGE: What do you think about Oprah just whoring herself out for Barack Obama? …
THE LOVE SPONGE: You just have to have a set of cock and balls.
CARLSON: That’s exactly right. You got your tackle, you’re not watching Oprah, and that’s kind of basic. And yet somehow the rest of us have been bullied into pretending that Oprah’s great, that she doesn’t hate the penis, that she’s not anti-man.
THE LOVE SPONGE: Right.
CARLSON: But she completely is.
CO-HOST: Of course.
CARLSON: The subtext of every Oprah show is men suck. They abuse you, they rape you, they sleep with your sister and leave you.
THE LOVE SPONGE: Do you think that she’s lapping Gayle down to zero?
CARLSON: You know what, I don’t know the answer to that. That would make me like her more, I got to be honest with you.
THE LOVE SPONGE: If she was lapping Gayle to zero?
CARLSON: Oh yeah. Absolutely. I support that completely. And I think that would add a whole layer of nuance to Oprah that she doesn’t have now. [Bubba the Love Sponge Show, 12/11/07]
20. CARLSON: I got to be honest with you. I don’t like [Kagan] and I wouldn’t vote to confirm her if I were a U.S. senator. But I do feel sorry for her in that way. I feel sorry for unattractive women. I mean it’s nothing they did. You know, she didn’t. Nobody deserves that. And men are just mean.
CO-HOST: Yeah, well she can certainly, I mean, shape it up a little bit. I mean lose 10 or 15 pounds, get a tan, fix those teeth.
CARLSON: No, it’s just absolutely fundamental — physically, the problems with her are fundamental. She’s never going to be an attractive woman. [Bubba the Love Sponge Show, 5/11/10]
21. CARLSON: The only time that I — you know what? In my brief experience, you know what gets women going is arguing with them.
CO-HOST: I never use that one.
CARLSON: It’s true. It’s true. You debate politics with a woman and just go — just full blown out there, especially feminism. If you’re talking to a feminist, and she’s given you, “Well, men really need to be more sensitive,” [say] no, actually, men don’t need to be more sensitive. You just need to be quiet and kind of do what you’re told.
CO-HOST: And lighten up a little bit, bitch.
CARLSON: They love it. They love it. [Bubba the Love Sponge Show, 5/2/06]
22. CARLSON: How much do you guys pay for hookers?
CO-HOST: Oh, about 50 for head.
THE LOVE SPONGE: Down here you can get everything you want, everything you want, a GFE, a girlfriend experience, for a hot one, like Contessa Brewer kind of hot, for like 300 max.
THE LOVE SPONGE: Yeah, max. Like I’m talking Contessa Brewer.
CARLSON: Because the girls are just so slutty and pathetic?
THE LOVE SPONGE: No, it’s just, it’s Florida and we don’t have state taxes —
CO-HOST: We got a bunch of hot whores —
THE LOVE SPONGE: We got a bunch of hot whores down here —
CO-HOST: The market’s flooded!
CARLSON: You got a lot of crystal meth.
THE LOVE SPONGE: Shut the fuck up, like we’re gonna be fucking bitches on crystal meth.
CO-HOST: Well, you know what my wife said last night? She goes, “I wouldn’t be as mad about the whore as paying $4,300 an hour!”
CARLSON: Well that’s exactly right. That’s ridiculous.
THE LOVE SPONGE: I mean, what do you guys pay for whores up there? Obviously Eliot said he paid $4,300.
CARLSON: Well it depends. I don’t go to hookers, but —
THE LOVE SPONGE: That’s just some nerd that doesn’t know how to negotiate —
CO-HOST: But you know D.C.’s got a ton of hookers. There’s hookers all over D.C. [Bubba the Love Sponge Show, 03/11/08]
23. CO-HOST: Yeah, but it’s like the Nicorette is more expensive than the cigarettes.
CARLSON: Yeah, it’s definitely more expensive, but it’s also better.
CO-HOST: I’m thinking it’s just strictly cost.
CARLSON: I mean, you know what I mean? I mean, going to the BunnyRanch is more expensive than picking up some crackhead off the street, but I mean, or the Palm is more expensive than McDonald’s. I mean, expense, in some ways, is a measure of value.
CO-HOST: Nice analogies. [Bubba the Love Sponge Show, 1/22/08]
24. TUCKER CARLSON: By the way, women hate you when they do you wrong and you put up with it.
CARLSON: Because they hate weakness. They’re like dogs that way. They can smell it on you, and they have contempt for it; they’ll bite you. …
CARLSON: I mean, I love women, but they’re extremely primitive, they’re basic, they’re not that hard to understand. And one of the things they hate more than anything is weakness in a man. [Bubba the Love Sponge, 10/30/07]
25. BUBBA THE LOVE SPONGE: You’re so unfair to these people. You’re so unfair. You’re just so close-minded.
CARLSON: No, it’s not that I’m unfair, no, no, you’re totally — and I’ve really given this a lot of thought. They are masochists. Like, Canadians, for one thing, are just so grateful that you acknowledge their existence, that even when you criticize them, they love you for it because it’s like —
CO-HOST: No, they really don’t.
CARLSON: — if they get attacked, it means they exist. And I think to be Canadian is to wonder if you actually exist, because there’s no Canadian culture, there’s no, you know, distinctive characteristics of Canadians. Is it just like — it’s almost a kind of blob, you know what I mean? Like, what is Canada? And I take the time to criticize them, and I think they love me for it.
THE LOVE SPONGE: Well, Tucker, I can honestly tell you, you couldn’t be anything further from the truth. You are so fucking far out to lunch, and they hate you, and they want to kill you, and they want to stick a hockey stick up your fucking asshole and make you bleed internally.
CO-HOST: What’s better than hockey, weed, and whores? I mean —
CARLSON: But you know, first of all, there’s no Canadian woman that you’d want to pay to sleep with. You know that’s true.
CO-HOST: Oh, my God.
CARLSON: And second, I’m not saying they’re bad at all, like I like Canadians. They like me. We have a mutual understanding. I’m just saying they’re sad. I’ve said this before. They’re like our stalker. They have pictures of us in their bedroom and we don’t even know they exist. They’re basically obsessed with the United States. [Bubba the Love Sponge Show, 11/18/08]
26. CO-HOST: I want Tuck to have a challenge. I want Michael Moore and Tucker to have a debate.
CARLSON: Oh, I’ve debated Michael Moore.
CO-HOST: Have you?
CARLSON: And I have to say, I’m not bragging because I’ve lost a lot of debates on television. I’ve been embarrassed on television before.
CO-HOST: You almost had to eat your shoe.
CARLSON: But — exactly — but I spanked Michael Moore like a bad little girl and — [Bubba the Love Sponge Show, 3/14/06]
27. CARLSON: He’s the best. Did you see his line for the AP when they said, “What’s your favorite possession?”
BUBBA THE LOVE SPONGE: What did he say?
CARLSON: The Associated Press have one of these surveys, you know, where they say, “What’s your favorite color? What’s your favorite song? What’s your favorite possession?” His verbatim answer — It is a quote — “My trophy wife.”
CO-HOST: The guy has no ambition.
CARLSON: His favorite possession. If anybody who answers “my trophy wife is my favorite possession” is my hero. I don’t give a shit. I’m voting for the guy. [Bubba the Love Sponge, 1/08/08]