News and Commentary

Mandatory Train Travel And Regulated COW FARTS: The ‘Green New Deal’ Is Even Crazier Than You Thought

A Congressional “progressive” coalition that includes Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) released their “Green New Deal” Thursday morning, and it’s … something.

The bill is a complete overhaul of the nation’s energy systems with the goal of “creating millions of ‘good, high-wage jobs’ by striving for net-zero greenhouse gas emissions,” according to The Hill, and it starts out predictably enough, given Ocasio-Cortez’s previous statements touting the apocalyptic ramefications of “climate change.”

The bill calls for a decade-long “national mobilization” towards a climate neutral country, a project that includes such general goals as “resilience building, a 100 percent renewable-energy driven power grid, updating ‘smart’ power grids and increasing building energy efficiency.”

But then it gets weird.

The full “Green New Deal” reads a bit like a socialist wish-list, with calls for everything from a nationalized high-speed rail system to an almost complete rebuilding of every structure currently standing in the United States today. Here are some exciting highlights from the extensive plan to reshape the country’s energy future.

The full elimination of all fossil fuel consumption, including natural gas, within the next ten years. This includes the full elimination of motor vehicles that operate on fossil fuels, including any vehicle with a combustion engine, be that vehicle a car, truck, boat, or plane. It’s not super clear whether Ocasio-Cortez and her cohorts realize that electric cars also run on fossil fuels (the Green New Deal requires all parking lots to have electric vehicle charging stations, regardless).

The full elimination of nuclear power, even though nuclear power is widely recognized as the most effective and widely available alternative energy source. They don’t know how to do it, but they plan on doing it anyway: “It’s unclear if we will be able to decommission every nuclear plant within 10 years, but the plan is to transition off of nuclear and all fossil fuels as soon as possible.”

Retrofit or rebuild literally every building in America. No longer will your home, office building, school, or retail outlet be safe from the grand hand of government. Each and every building, under the Green New Deal, will have to conform to specific energy efficiency standards, requiring nothing short of a complete overhaul of their heating and cooling systems. If that cannot be done, knock it down and start over.

There are more than 150 million individual structures in the United States, by the way.

The complete elimination of air travel. Oh, yes. Planning on taking a trip in the next ten years? Hope you like train travel, because the “Green New Deal” wants to invest millions in building the infrastructure necessary to blanket the country in “high speed rail,” thus making air travel unnecessary. Except for international air travel. But they haven’t really gotten around to considering that part yet.

Air travel accounts for around 700,000 American jobs, by the way.

And then there’s the cow farts. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and her cohorts would prefer to eliminate the consumption of meat altogether and press for the full extinction of methane-farting livestock, but as they put it in the “frequently asked questions” sheet, the prospect of banning meat is simply too overwhelming and likely impossible (even if “impossibility” doesn’t have an impact on any of their other proposals).

Instead, the team settles for a vague “overhaul” of “agriculture.” But one that includes regulating cow farts.

Also, they plan to plant trees. There’s no actual “plan” for this. Just that they plan to plant trees. Somewhere. For some people. At some point. All it says is “plant lots of trees.”

No, really.

Further down, the “Green New Deal” veers away from the “green,” and into, well, the red. Included in the “supplemental” part of the proposed legislation are a handful of fully-socialist programs including:

  • Job training and education for all
  • “Direct investments in frontline and deindustrialized communities” that would inevitably feel the pain of eliminating industries such as coal and natural gas
  • A full complement of union jobs (the “Green New Deal” proposes no jobs that are not unionized, provide a “fair wage,” or involve hiring foreign workers)
  • A guaranteed job with “family-sustaining wages” for all Americans, particularly for those “unable” and, more importantly, “unwilling” to work
  • “Safe, affordable, and adequate housing” for every American
  • And to top it off, “high-quality health care, housing, economic security, and clean air, clean water, healthy food, and nature to all”

The draft legislation does not mention the nationwide allocation of personal unicorns, but just assume that’s included because there is next to nothing this bill does not provide free of charge — and responsibility — to all 300 million-plus Americans (and whomever else the “progressive caucus” seeks to include).

The “Green New Deal” provides only scant details on how the progressive caucus plans on paying for this complete overhaul of both the American energy and financial systems, just a vague allusion to “billionaires,” who will be first asked and then forced to underwrite the full complement of programs. But that won’t be enough: “even if every billionaire and company came together and were willing to pour all the resources at their disposal into this investment, the aggregate value of the investments they could make would not be sufficient.”

Ocasio-Cortez does mention that the massive program will be paid for “the same way we did the New Deal, the 2008 bank bailouts and extend quantitative easing,” but those are all burdens the government is struggling to pay off. The “New Deal” required a complete transition to total war and full American industrialization.

All they know is, some day, the Green New Deal will pay for itself and perhaps turn a profit.

Unfortuantely for Ocasio-Cortez — and perhaps for our long-term entertainment — the Green New Deal may never see the light of day. Although Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) has instituted a committee on climate change in the new Congress, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has not been asked to serve on it.