Left’s Brilliant New Strategy: Selling Bad Ideas Through Child Abuse [Satire]

Three young nerds sit in a classroom setting with a thinking cap on their heads.
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The following is satirical.

The Left has hit on a brilliant new plan called “Selling Bad Ideas Through Child Abuse.” Left-wing activist Connie Heartless extolled the new strategy to a meeting of beneficiaries of left-wing policies living in tents under the Manhattan Bridge. Ms. Heartless said, “I don’t know why we didn’t think of this before. All these years, we’ve been trying to seize people’s guns and take over the economy through spreading panic about violence and climate change among adults. We missed the obvious flaw in that plan: adults have fully developed brains and the capacity to reason. But children can be easily terrorized by our propaganda and then used as spokespeople to spread that terror to others.”

When asked whether terrorizing teenagers into pushing gun and climate panic wasn’t a form of child abuse, Ms. Heartless said, “What sort of evil right-winger would pick on these poor children when they are clearly being abused for political purposes. Instead we should be celebrating the courage of those children who have overcome the fact that they’re being abused by climate change activists in order to become spokespeople for the climate change activists who are abusing them.”

In a speech to the Organization of World Leaders Trying to Seize Economic Power by Spreading Climate Panic — or U.N. for short — Ms Heartless said, “How dare we pull these children out of school to spread panic about climate change when they could be in school not studying because we’ve convinced them they’re all going to die because of climate change.” As Ms. Heartless spoke, she proudly pointed to several climate change spokes-children curled up in a corner sucking their thumbs and rocking themselves compulsively.

Ms. Heartless also added her praise of traumatized children being used to spread panic about guns, saying, “If we don’t abandon the Constitution to stop these young people from being abused then we must go on abusing them.”

Ms. Heartless’s speech brought the U.N. audience to their feet, chanting, “Give us all the power or we’ll continue to abuse your children.” It was a triumphant moment. For child abuse.

Related: WALSH: Greta Thunberg Is A Child Abuse Victim