Michael Knowles interviews Daily Wire 2 sports correspondent Jeremy Boreing about the women’s World Cup and the victory of Team USA on Monday’s episode of “The Michael Knowles Show.” Video and transcript below:
Michael Knowles: The world of sports has been rocked by the Women’s National Team and Megan Rapinoe. But as you know, I am employed by The Daily Wire and my show is hosted on The Daily Wire. When we want to get to great sports coverage, we have to turn to our sister network, Daily Wire 2, and our Daily Wire 2 sports correspondent, Jeremy the verified god-king Boreing!
Jeremy Boreing: Yowza! Michael, now with verified. Bold but not old. Enormous news, Michael, from the world of sports ball. As for the second time in a row America has proven conclusively that our team is greater than all of the women’s soccer teams in the world. By our team, I mean the FC Dallas under 15 boys Academy. A squad of 15-year-old and younger lads not quite athletic enough to play football or baseball or even basketball. But who are nevertheless better than America’s national women’s team who, in turn, is better than all of the other women’s national teams from all the other nations who let women play sports ball. This, Michael, despite the overwhelming pay disparity between the female players who reportedly picked up a quarter of a million dollars each for the last game they won and the scarcely pubescent male players whose only compensation for their victory was getting to skip third period for the game and having a shot at the fourth hottest girls in school. Those not quite hot enough to date the high school football or baseball or even basketball players.
Nevertheless, as no average teenage male was yet allowed in the twice-a-year global tournament known as the FIFA Women’s World Cup, America’s women’s national team emerged victorious in a competition, handily defeating Holland, a nation literally filled with Dutch. They won by a score, Michael, of 2-0. The pride of America celebrated their win by trampling the flag of the nation they were being paid to represent during a cute little girl dance and bitching incessantly about how they aren’t paid the same as men to do the exact same job. Completely missing the point that their job is not, in fact, to kick a sports ball but to generate revenue in the form of ticket sales, merchandise, and TV licensing rights, which they do not do.
International media was quick to provide context for the women’s nagging by pointing out that men and women are exactly the same because men are famous for nagging. The media also completely ignored the fact that the men’s World Cup generates a literal order of magnitude more money than the women’s sport because, and I swear I’m not making this up, there is a sport people care less about than men’s soccer.
The media did stick it the president, Donald Trump, however, reporting on how a group of young people calling themselves Americans despite clear on camera evidence that they were watching girls play soccer in public in France were cursing the US president after Team USA’s win. Donald Trump is reported to have responded by saying, “I’m going to be president for life,” and then drinking from a Daily Wire Leftist Tears Hot or Cold Tumbler available to annual subscribers at DailyWire.com/subscribe. Get yours now.
But as if that’s not enough information about a sport neither one of us knows anything about, there’s more. America’s national men’s team also competed in a soccer match this weekend, the Gold Cup. Which I can only assume is an even bigger deal than the World Cup, since it’s gold. They lost however to America’s southern neighbor Mexico, proving yet again that this is a pathetic non-sport game of chance that in no way represents national greatness and that we should, in fact, build the wall on our southern border immediately to keep our male soccer players in this country where they can’t humiliate us abroad by losing a child’s game to a near third world narco-state. Build the wall. Build the wall. Build the wall. Yowza!
Michael Knowles: Wasn’t the Gold Cup played in Chicago?
Jeremy Boreing: How the hell would I know Michael?! I’m just the Daily Wire 2 sports correspondent.
Michael Knowles: Just fabulous coverage as always. I can’t wait till the World Cup happens again next year and we can do it all again.
Jeremy Boreing: You know I have to admit that this was a subpar performance on my part which I think is appropriate for a subpar sport. It turns out there’s just not that much funny to say about the women’s World Cup.
Michael Knowles: If there were, I think you would have found it but unfortunately you along with the rest of the world could find no humor in that sport. Great coverage as always from Jeremy, the now verified, god-king Boreing.