KLAVAN: What Are The Rules Of #MeToo?

The following is satire.

As Democrats call for Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh to step down in the wake of unsubstantiated sexual charges, the time has come to ask the question: what are the rules of the MeToo movement? Is it an hysterical witch hunt being used by left-wing hypocrites to destroy the lives and careers of those with whom they disagree so they can protect their fanatical hold on power and prevent the nation from re-establishing constitutional governance after five decades of left-wing assaults on our liberty? Or is it… you know, something else?

To answer these questions, mainstream media outlets have issued a new pamphlet entitled, “What are the rules of MeToo?” written by the ABC Political Analyst sometimes known as Howdy Dowdy, or Howdy Doody or just Doody, especially after one of his TV appearances.

The pamphlet begins with an introduction reading, “For too long, women’s voices have gone unheard — although not necessarily in my house where believe me if the voice of my ex-wife could go unheard for even half an hour, I’d give a tenth of my salary to charity. But in other, more peaceful, places, women’s voices have gone unheard — and it’s time for this injustice to come to a shrill, screeching and endlessly complaining halt.”

Dowdy Doody continues, writing “Women must not only be heard, they must be believed. Except my former mother-in-law. Because the woman’s a psycho. But the point is, if a conservative man is nominated to the Supreme Court, and a woman who may or may not exist accuses him of something that may or may not have happened, these allegations must be taken seriously lest we teach our daughters that they can’t just randomly destroy people’s lives at will.”

In conclusion, Dirty Dowdy writes, “For too long, we have lived by the rule that says a man is innocent until proven guilty, but I say if we can’t ruin our political opponents through unsubstantiated innuendo, then this is no longer the America I love.”

I guess they don’t call him Doody for nothing.