Journalists Say They Have No Shame About Trump Coverage Or Anything [Satire]


The following is satirical.

Some people think the mainstream media so bungled the Russian collusion story, they revealed themselves to be the dishonest and servile toadies of a single political party with a bias so extreme it amounted to the sort of corruption one usually only finds in the bowels of a prison populated by the lowest miscreants on the face of the earth, whose foul and twisted hearts conspire to create a criminal empire so soaked in evil it is tantamount to a living hell. Other people think other things.

But now journalists are speaking out in self-defense, figuring what the hell, people can’t hate them anymore than they already do.

On CNN, for instance, Don Lemon spoke privately to a few close friends by going on his show and saying, “While it is true that virtually every story we released was slanted to condemn and indict a president who now seems to have told the truth about his activities, and while it is also true that every mistake we made did tend to reveal the seething bile that had transformed our hearts into black organs of unadulterated hatred, I feel we were justified in our actions because of something having to do with the Constitution or maybe something about race, I’m not sure.”

MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow made her statement to a roomful of cartoon squirrels, saying, “I now regret reporting that the President of the United States established a dead drop with his Russian handlers in order to pass military secrets to the Kremlin that would result in the enslavement of the nation to an oppressive foreign regime. I believe there was no dead drop, and he probably used the same sub-atomic brain implants that allow me to communicate with the planet Meldar.”

The New York Times, a former newspaper, announced it was so proud of its collusion coverage it would soon publish it in novel form as an exciting spy thriller starring themselves.