Joe Biden has announced he will put a lid on the lock to the door to the corridor to the blockade before the gun emplacement that guards the barricade in front of the door to the stairs to the cellar to the bedsheets under which he will be hiding until his security team drags him out kicking and screaming to go to the last debate.
Biden announced the lid after saying he was terrified that reporters would mob him to ask tough questions.
This occurred even after his team patiently explained to him that reporters asking him tough questions had never happened before and was unlikely to happen now.
But apparently, Biden had become spooked after he had a crazy dream in which journalists had integrity and asked about suspicious loans his brother James received when Joe was on the Senate Banking Committee, and a billion dollar contract to build houses in Iraq James won while Vice President Joe was overseeing Iraq.
Biden woke up in a cold sweat to realize with relief it was only a dream and there were no reporters in real life who would ask him those questions.
With a deep sigh, Joe cuddled up to his Jim Acosta action figure and went back to sleep.
But just as he was beginning to get over the terrifying fantasy that a journalist might try to find out the truth about him, reporters at the New York Post did exactly that and released emails from his son Hunter suggesting that Joe had been taking a cut of Hunter’s influence peddling deals with corrupt foreign businesses and governments and meeting with officials in return for the payouts.
Even though Joe was assured that Twitter, Facebook, and the news networks would do their best to hide the story, he has not been seen or heard of since, except for a dim voice screaming from the cellar of one of his two lavish homes, “Please don’t make me go out there again! I don’t even know where I am!”
More satire from Andrew Klavan: It’s Time To Talk Issues Even Though I Don’t Care Either