Fox News host Greg Gutfeld spent Saturday evening live-tweeting all the things that (probably) didn’t happen at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner.
Taking aim at everyone — from CNN anchors Jake Tapper and Wolf Blitzer to celebrities like Clive Owen and Martha Stewart – Gutfeld poked fun at the food, the spectacle, and the attendees in his own private roast of the event.
Gutfeld started off with a bang, tweeting, “Sorry, just got to my table. Will start live tweeting the White House Correspondents dinner! Hard to get past Howard Fineman and Tila Tequila openly making out during the Armed Forces medley.”
“So this guy comes up to me at WHCD and asks me to clear his plates from the table. It was Mehdi Hasan. Will this racism ever stop. Anyway, not sure it was him,” Gutfeld continued. “Oh look, theres a guy who looks like Chris Tucker!”
He quickly followed that with a dig at Secretary of State Antony Blinken, saying, “Antony Blinken just walked right by me. Pretends like we’re not old friends. Totally ghosts me. Dude, I wont forget that weekend in Mexico. And neither will my polaroids.”
Gutfeld then pivoted to poke fun at CNN anchor Jake Tapper, adding, “Just ran into Tapper in the mens room. Tried to tell about his new book while I’m peeing. Give it a rest Tapper.”
Gutfeld went back to journalist Howard Fineman then, joking that he had picked up another woman at the event — this time, actress Drew Barrymore. “Fineman just disappeared with Drew Barrymore behind the cloak room. Total madman Slow down Howie! The night’s still young!”
“Wolf just paid for a drink with a 20 rolled up like a straw,” Gutfeld jabbed at CNN’s Wolf Blitzer. “The man can party, I’ll say that.”
“Talk about awkward. Miranda Kerr just showed up,” he continued. “We haven’t chatted since the break up. I’ll duck out for a minute.”
CNN’s Don Lemon was up next: “Just ran into Don Lemon. He should have worn pants.”
“Not a big fan of grapes in my salad. And they skimped on the parmesan shavings,” he took aim at to food before pivoting to CBS’ Gayle King and actor Clive Owen. “Oh look Gayle King just punched Clive Owen in the face! Forgive and forget Gayle, it was a long time ago and he apologized.”
Even the venue was not safe, as he added, “Props to the Hilton for dealing with the lice outbreak.”
“Martha Stewart just stopped by the table and poured my glass of champagne into her purse. Hey, she’s earned it,” Gutfeld remarked.
“It’s great to see the star-studded guests mask-less, yucking it up, while the masked wait staff know their place in the pecking order of life, those low-life super spreaders!” he said. “Oh look is that Michael Keaton?”