Just kidding. It’s John Kerry.
“Am I going to think about it? Yeah, I’m going to think about it,” Kerry said Tuesday at Harvard’s John F. Kennedy Jr. Forum. “I’m not taking anything off the table. I haven’t been running around to the most obvious states, laying any groundwork or doing anything.”
Oh, John, you don’t need to do that. The legwork is for the upstarts. If you wanna’ jump in, we can just skip ahead to the convention where the Democrats crown you the nominee.
So yes, Trump’s days in the White House are numbered. The Democrats finally have a candidate that can crush the Republican who wastes all his time making America great again.
Nope, the Democrats aren’t going to go with 71-year-old, two-time loser Hillary Clinton (although she’s also mulling a run and still out on her two-year tour explaining to the world why she lost as she hawks her book, “What Happened”). And the Dems don’t have to tap 77-year-old Socialist Sen. Bernie Sanders, which means he can keep jetting between his three houses (although you can expect him to run, too, because … what else is he going to do?).
And the Dems won’t even need to tap the young Sen. Elizabeth Warren, a spring chicken at just 69. She’ll have to wait until after Kerry’s two terms, so she’ll be 79 when she moves into the White House in 2029. No, it’s John Kerry all the way in 2020, baby! (Don’t even worry that he’ll be 77 when he takes office — he’s young at heart!)
Sure, he lost the 2004 presidential election to George W. Bush by 19 electoral votes, but that was ages ago. And Kerry, always able to keep his ego in check, thinks he’s the best man out there to go up against Trump.
“I’m perfectly ready to embrace somebody that I think can win, or who wants to address all the issues that I just talked about and understands them,” he said at Harvard. “But I’m going to be very candid here, and some people who are thinking about it aren’t going to love me for it, but I’m not — I don’t see the person yet that I’m prepared to say that about.”
This article could not possibly contain all of Kerry’s blunders, both as a senator but especially as former president Barack Obama’s Secretary of State. So we’ll just link you to a great story by the National Review, which opens with this line: “John Kerry ends his long career in politics the same way he began it: disgracefully.”
Still, at least one Republican is pulling for Kerry.
“I see that John Kerry, the father of the now terminated Iran deal, is thinking of running for President. I should only be so lucky — although the field that is currently assembling looks really good — FOR ME!” President Trump wrote in September.
Oh, poor Trump. He just can’t see what John Kerry knows: That only he is qualified to run America. Woe be he.