DON’T TELL DAD: Environmentalists Champion Having Sex With Mother Earth

You would think that humans would be horrified at the idea of to making love to their mothers, and you’d be right, but there’s a group of nuts, led by an art professor at UC Santa Cruz, who harbor no shame in making love to their mother.

Mother Earth, that is.

Yup, those environmentalist wackos are convinced that having sex with trees or masturbating with water pressure is the way to sublimity.

Art professor Elizabeth Stephens, whose 2013 documentary Ecosexual Love Story showed her and her partner licking trees, playing with mud, and having sex with the environment while naked, has a new documentary enlightening the human race about sex with its Mother. It’s called Water Makes Us Wet, and will premiere in Germany this week.

As The College Fix reports, “’Ecosexuality’ isn’t such a mystery anymore — Google trends show interest in the term has increased exponentially over the last 12 months, seemingly exploding.”

In summer 2017, Stephens also co-led an “Ecosex Walking Tour” in Germany that offered “25 ways to make love to the Earth, raise awareness of environmental issues, learn ecosexercises, find E-spots, and climax with the planetary clitoris,” according to UC Santa Cruz’s website.

2017 also saw the release of Stephens’ book The Explorer’s Guide to Planet Orgasm: for every body, which examines various types of orgasms and how to “discover” them, according to its online description.

Meanwhile, Teen Vogue taught its audience about “Grassilingus,” showing a musician lying facedown in grass and licking it. The magazine ejaculated, “Whether it’s masturbating with water pressure, using eco-friendly lubricant, or literally having sex with a tree — a person of any sexual proclivity who finds eroticism in nature, or believes that making environmentalism sexy will slow the planet’s destruction, can be ecosexual.”

August’s Women’s Health Magazine reported its approval of ecosex:

We chatted with Annie Sprinkle, Ph.D., and Beth Stephens, Ph.D., performance artists, ecosexual experts, and the authors of ‘The Explorer’s Guide to Planet Orgasm’ to get the scoop on this trend. They describe being ecosexual as this: “You don’t look at the Earth as your mother, you look at it as your lover. You also experience nature ‘as sensual, erotic, or sexy.’ This could mean anything getting off while writhing around naked in the mud to simply getting joy out of doing it in a hot tub or going on a naked hike.”

Stephens and Sprinkle published a manifesto which read:

We make love with the Earth. We are aquaphiles, teraphiles, pyrophiles and aerophiles. We shamelessly hug trees, massage the earth with our feet and talk erotically to plants. We are skinny dippers, sun worshippers, and stargazers. We caress rocks, are pleasured by waterfalls, and admire the Earth’s curves often. We make love with the Earth through our senses. We celebrate our E-spots. We are very dirty.

Ugh.