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Dems Say IG Report Clears Obama Spies Of What They Obviously Did [Satire]

By  Andrew Klavan
Silhouette of a man in hat against screen window.
Maciej Toporowicz, NYC/Getty Images

The following is satirical.

Department of Justice Inspector General Michael Horowitz has issued his report on the Obama administration’s spying operation on the Trump campaign — and he says it was great.

In fact, Horowitz says, as spying operations go, it was even better than that time he and his pals climbed to the top of the apple tree in his backyard and peeked in through Mrs. Willoughby’s bedroom window while she was undressing. Ah, those were great days, says Horowitz, back when we were all young and before the FBI went around spying on people for political reasons.

People involved in the spying campaign are already claiming the report exonerates them by saying they didn’t do what they so, so obviously did. Former FBI Director and hysterical old woman James Comey issued a statement saying, “I told you those lousy coppers would never take me alive. They got nothin’ on me, see. Nothin’.  So eat lead, John Law!”

Comey then fired a Tommy gun into the air, jumped on the running board of his 1930’s Packard and sped away at a hot 40-miles-an hour, daring the screws to catch him if they could.

Communist CIA Mole John Brennan also said the report exonerated him. In an interview given in an abandoned parking garage while wearing a fake moustache, Brennan said, “You never saw me and you never heard this, but if I were to say something about this, and I never would, I would say that this is all the work of a brilliant Russian agent because who but a brilliant Russian agent would cast suspicion on a sitting president by feeding misinformation to the public that would help his enemies tie up the government with fake investigations for years. Only an absolute genius Russian agent could pull something like that off, if you get what I’m saying, wink, wink.”

Brennan then faded into the shadows and was gone.

The IG report will be followed by the John Durham report, after which all these sinister bastards will hopefully be arrested as they deserve.

Related: U.S. Attorney John Durham Responds To FISA Report, Hints At What’s To Come In Criminal Investigation Into Origins Of Russia Probe

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