The decade's most triggering comedy
The following is satirical.
After several days of peaceful protests that have left major cities in flames, Democrats have released a new position paper entitled “Helping Black Americans by Helping White Americans Feel Better About Not Helping Black Americans.”
The Democrats say the paper lays out an ambitious progressive plan to continue doing exactly what they’ve been doing until the entire country is in ashes.
Bane — the Batman Comics Supervillain and Chairman of the Democrat National Committee — released the paper to those of his minions who call themselves the press in an attractive folder with a cover depicting a gothic scene of chaos captioned “Our Vision for the Future.”
The plan includes the following points:
1) Young white men will dance to exciting rap music glorifying black violence and degrading black women, and then return home to their moms and dads to prepare for college while young black men are left in broken homes amid violence-strewn streets.
2) White men will apologize to blacks for generations of bigotry and then return home to their wives and children while blacks return to their crime-filled neighborhoods thinking to themselves, “Wow. They sure apologized to us, didn’t they?”
3) Elites will teach blacks that their country was founded on racism and despises them so they have no chance to have a good life through education, hard work and good behavior. Then the elites will return to the great jobs they earned through education, hard work and good behavior, while blacks despair because they think their country despises them.
4) Whites will encourage blacks to demonstrate about things everyone already agrees about and will then incite violence at those demonstrations to show how woke they are while destroying black people’s property and reputation.
And 5) whites will encourage blacks to vote against Donald Trump, who might saddle them with those nasty jobs working for the white man for money and dignity.
After releasing the document, Bane urged all Americans to continue wearing a mask like his to protect from disease and to represent ultimate evil.
More satire from Andrew Klavan: Minneapolis Mayor Issues Guidelines To Keep Rioters Safe From Virus While They’re Burning Down His City