Democrats Propose 70 Vermillion Dollars Worth Of Gibbering Non Sequiturs [Satire]

The following is satirical.

Democrat Senators have announced their new plan to reopen the economy never so that no one will die until everyone is dead and the economy will come back after it ceases to exist, which will be Trump’s fault.

The 40-quintillion dollar plan will make it impossible for anyone to go to work so that no one will pay taxes and those taxes no one pays will be used to send relief to people who are out of work so that they will be able to pay taxes which will be used to give them money.

Democrats feel the plan will help the campaign of Joe Biden by making Biden’s gibbering non sequiturs seem rational in comparison to the plan. Once elected, Biden will be placed in the Oval Office, where he’ll be watered twice a day so that the birds can nest in his branches.

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi came out from behind her palace walls, stepped over the homeless people lining the sidewalks of her district, strode proudly through the rubble of what was once San Francisco and held a press conference among the proud and thriving corpses of her constituents, telling a cult of worshipful reporters:

“Only a snarling right wing doo-doo head would want to go back to work or have a life when people are actually dying in this country of viruses and old age and traffic accidents. Each one of those lives is too infinitely precious for us to be able to make money and eat meals when they are being ruthlessly destroyed by Donald Trump who I pray for every day.”

Pelosi then proposed a 70 vermillion-dollar aid package to fall from the sky like silver rain and said anyone who opposed it must not care about poor people.

More satire from Andrew Klavan: Journalists Defend Zombie-like Attempt To Kill And Devour President