Uncle Joe wrote to me all day long.
Being signed up to lots of mailing lists — who in turn sell their lists to other mailing list sites — I get all kinds of stuff. But Biden, who on Thursday jumped into the 2020 presidential race, outdid them all.
“J, did you get a chance to read Joe’s email?” said my first missive from joebiden.com titled “checking in.” No, I didn’t read it — because you never sent it to me, Joe! But that didn’t matter. He went on and on.
“Since this morning’s announcement, thousands of people have chosen to become Founding Members of this campaign. It’s amazing to watch!” said the email. “Our core values, our very standing in the world, our democracy, and everything that makes us who we are is at stake. That’s why I’m announcing my candidacy for President of the United States.”
“J, are you with me? Chip in $5 or anything you can to join our campaign,” said the email, signed simply “Joe.”
A few hours later, “Biden For President” wrote me. This time, they took a different tactic in an email titled, “please j.”
“J, the first day of Joe Biden’s campaign is about to come to an end. We are making a list of all our Day One donors to send to Joe. And J, you’re running out of time to get your name on the record!”
Wow, could I really be on that list as a Day One Donor?! That’d be cool to see my name on the sheet when Biden posts it on the wall of the Oval Office the first day he moves into the White House. Here’s my chance!
“What we raise today will determine the number of rallies we can host, the staff we can hire, and the number of voters we can contact. So we really need all of Joe’s top supporters to chip in,” the email said. Hmm, that seems a little short-sighted, ‘cuz there’s always, like, tomorrow, and the next day, and the next to raise more money.
By 9 p.m., Uncle Joe was just flat-out begging. Now, he’d even take a single buck.
“What we raise on Day One is really important. And if we get 5,550 more donations before midnight we will be able to report a BIG number. So we had to reach out one more time. J, will you make your first contribution before midnight (even if it’s just $1)?”
Bernie and Beto joined Biden in begging for bucks.
“Today, there is one more candidate in the race,” Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-VT) wrote in an email titled (weirdly): “[BUMP] Joe Biden.”
“That makes today a big day for our campaign — and an important moment to show that we are the ones who can beat Trump and transform this country. So we are asking — especially today: Can you make a $3 contribution to our campaign today?” said the email.
Former Texas Rep. Robert “Beto” O’Rourke wrote a similar message, slugged “Joe Biden.”
“Today is an important day to show the strength of our grassroots campaign, especially given the fact that the former vice president has already been collecting checks from major donors for a week leading up to this launch,” he wrote before asking for $3.
Then the entire Democratic Party wrote to me, also asking for $3 (and claiming that all would be great if 28 people from a town 13 miles away did the same).
“We simply cannot win next year without building a strong foundation for our eventual nominee and Democrats up and down the ballot — and we must invest in that foundation now,” said the email, signed “Tom Perez, Chair, Democratic National Committee.”
Needless to say, I sold my house and my car and sent them all the cash. And I better be right at the top of that “Day One Donor” list!