Coven of Journalists Meet on Fog-Shrouded Crags of Mount Corruption to Discuss How to Disparage Trump’s Mideast Peace Deal [Satire]

19th Century Engraving
Andrew Howe via Getty Images

In an emergency conclave held in the ruined Castle of Duplicity set high on the fog-shrouded crags of Mount Corruption, a coven of American journalists gathered in their ceremonial black robes last night to discuss how to disparage Donald Trump’s progress toward peace in the Middle East.

As lightning repeatedly turned the black clouds a sickly gray as a cinematic symbol of ultimate evil, the chairman of the dark gathering, Lord High Master of All Fraudulence George Stephanopoulos called the meeting to order by pounding his gavel made from the skull of an inconvenient child by a Democrat politician’s mistress on a pentagram drawn in the blood of Jeffrey Epstein.

Stephanopoulos suggested that Trump’s Middle East peace deal might be downplayed if the media simply did not ask White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany even a single question that might distract the public from the latest meaningless bombshell from Bob Woodward, who attended the meeting in the shape of a bat, hanging upside down from a stalactite.

Dean Baquet of the New York Times, a former newspaper, also attended in his true form, slithering across the floor to suggest that journalists might explain to their audience that Middle East peace is a grave impediment to the oppressed Palestinians’ yearning to wipe every Jew off the face of the earth.

The suggestion was met with such loud cackling laughter that NBC’s Chuck Todd burst into flame before regaining his shape as a cloven-tailed demon, no bigger than a man’s fist.

CNN’s Dana Bash, who arrived in a puff of purple smoke dressed in black leather and attended by a snarling Brian Stelter and Jim Acosta writhing in chains, suggested that perhaps they could convince the public that peace in the Middle East would lead to war.

Before the gathering could draft a final plan, however, the sun rose, breaking through the black shroud of darkness and forcing the entire conclave back under their worm-ridden rocks, which many of the journalists complained was a violation of the First Amendment.

More satire from Andrew Klavan: BOMBSHELL: New Book ‘Bombshell’ By Anonymous Is A Bombshell Say Anonymous Sources: Anonymous

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