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Congress Condemns DHS For Enforcing Laws Passed By Congress [Satire]

By  Andrew Klavan

The following is satirical.

In a fiery congressional hearing yesterday, U.S. Representative Elijah Cummings lambasted Department of Homeland Security Chief Kevin McAleenan for actually enforcing the border laws that Congress has passed.

Working himself up to the sort of extraordinary pitch of righteous indignation usually only seen in Elijah Cummings, Cummings thundered at the DHS Chief, “How can you sit there in this the people’s house and defend the fact that you are actually enforcing the laws we passed? Do you think the people sent us here to make laws that enforcement agencies enforce? Have you no decency, sir? Have you at last no decency?”

As if to press home his point in the most dramatic way possible, Congressman Cummings then proceeded to sit on his ass doing nothing, thus demonstrating to a grateful nation exactly how a congressman is supposed to behave.

Congresswoman Alexandria Occasional Cortex also joined in attacking enforcement agencies by releasing pictures of herself sobbing with grief over the border while wearing a sleek white pants suit that accentuated her lovely figure and a pair of high heels that made her legs look fabulous. Speaking to a bevy of male reporters who were standing under her balcony playing Besame Mucho on guitars while holding roses in their teeth, AOC said, “When we look back in history to when so many bad historical things happened that I don’t even know what they are, we see that Congress has a sacred duty to speak out against all those who would enforce its laws or else there’ll be more bad stuff like Hitler and smallpox.” Several reporters swooned after her statement and had to be sent home with a souvenir photo.

Reverend Patrick Conroy, the chaplain of the House of Representatives, offered a prayer over the house, saying—and this is a real quote: “In your most holy name, I now cast out all spirits of darkness from this chamber.”

When he was finished, the House was suddenly empty.

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