CNN Helpfully Instructs Hawaiians Not To Try To Stop The Flow Of Lava

CNN should be covering the New York AG case with reckless abandon, but instead, the cable news network is focusing on instructing Hawaiians living near the Mt. Kilauea eruption zone that lava is hot and that they should not attempt to touch or stop the flow.

In a piece entitled, “People Have Tried to Stop Lava, This is Why They’ve Failed,” CNN helpfully informs its readers that lava is, in fact, hot, and that you should not touch it if you do not want to get burned. Lava is also fast moving, shockingly heavy, and — and this is most important — made up of boiling hot magma exploding forth from the Earth’s mantle.

The instruction was so important, CNN actually sent out an emergency text message to its subscribers warning them to stay as far away as possible from a substance that can literally eat a car in a matter of minutes.

well…yeah pic.twitter.com/f4ve7sAxRo

— Phil Mattingly (@Phil_Mattingly) May 8, 2018

Apparently, according to the article, people have tried to stop lava flows before by spraying the lava with cold seawater, and by planting small bombs in the lava flow’s path. Neither of these solutions worked, but neither of these situations has been tried in decades. People in the ’40s made these efforts, quickly learned their lesson about getting in the way of liquid that tops out at nearly 2,000 degrees Fahrenheit, and now mostly just get out of the way.

For proof that its instruction is necessary, CNN points to a photo of a man standing precariously close to the lava flow in the Leilani Estates area of the big island of Hawaii, near one of the volcano’s most recent fissures. Since there have been no reports of deaths from the eruption, it’s likely the man heeded CNN’s sage advice and abandoned his post shortly after the photo was taken.

But now, dear CNN readers, you are informed of perhaps the day’s most pressing fact: lava is hot.

Congratulations.

Meanwhile the lava does continue to flow across Hawaii’s big island, covering around 12 square miles from the mouth of the volcano. No new fissures have opened since Sunday, however, which is good news for Hawaii’s residents, but does not mean they are out of harm’s way just yet.