As Flu Numbers Rise, Governors Rush To Buy Napoleon Hats [Satire]

It’s flu season, which means a rise in incidents of hysteria and the Chinese Flu, also sometimes called the Wuflu or the Flu Manchu or the Kung Flu or the Communist Dirtbag Flu, or sometimes just The Evil Thing that China Did to the Rest of the World Flu, for short.

As innumerate journalists panic in high-pitched voices over numbers that don’t mean anything, governors who like power rub their sweaty hands together with glee and consider how they can torment the populations who made the mistake of voting for them with useless restrictions that will destroy your business while having no effect on numbers that don’t mean anything.