CNN’s New Excuse For Anderson Cooper’s Anti-Trump Tweet Is Absolutely Ridiculous

Maybe tomorrow he’ll blame the Russians.

Anderson Cooper and CNN came up with an absolutely hilarious explanation for a pretty vicious anti-Trump tweet posted on Wednesday on his personal Twitter feed.

For background, here’s what happened first: President Trump sent out a tweet on Wednesday.

A few minutes later, a reply was posted on Cooper’s Twitter account (and later deleted). “Oh Really? You endorsed him you tool! Pathetic loser,” the post said.

“Tool”? “Loser”? Not exactly the words of America’s best newsman, are they?

Then Cooper posted this:

So, he was hacked. Or that was the implication, anyway.

But we all knew that story wouldn’t stand. So here’s the new version, and it is delicious:

Two people have access to Cooper’s account, according to a CNN spokesman — just Copper and his assistant. So, try to follow along here. “His assistant inadvertently left his phone unlocked and unattended at the gym early this morning, and someone took the phone and sent the tweet,” CNN claimed in a statement released on Thursday.

Let’s unpack that. Cooper’s unnamed assistant went to the gym — super early, like 7 a.m. or earlier. He left his very expensive smart phone in an unsecured locker (not smart). Someone recognized him — ‘Hey, I think that guy is Anderson Cooper’s assistant!” — and went rifling through lockers to find his phone.

Bingo! Got it! Time to send out a tweet on Cooper’s Twitter feed (clearly the sneaky tweeter was thinking just that: “I’m assuming I can get Cooper’s assistant’s phone and send out a tweet — and no one will be the wiser!” Oh, and the phone apparently didn’t have a lock code, either — what a stroke of luck!).

So, stay with us, here. The sneakster gets the phone, sends the tweet — and puts the phone back (we’re guessing — no word that the phone was stolen — CNN says someone “took the phone” but doesn’t say the phone was “stolen”).

One thing CNN pointed out was that the tweet was sent from New York (geolocation, don’t you know), and Cooper was in Washington, D.C., at the time. So that much adds up.

Well, that makes perfect sense. We’re sure that’s the full story and no other questions need be asked.

Wait, are you still here? We said NO OTHER QUESTIONS NEED BE ASKED.

Now shove off.