The Daily Wire

Adam Schiff: ‘I Must Destroy America To Save It.’ [Satire]

By  Andrew Klavan
Representative Adam Schiff, a Democrat from California and chairman of the House Intelligence Committee, listens during a news conference on Capitol Hill in Washington, D.C., U.S., on Wednesday, Oct. 2, 2019. Three House committee chairmen threatened on Wednesday to subpoena the White House if it fails to adhere by Friday to document requests related to allegations that President Donald Trump pressured Ukraine into investigating one of his leading political rivals. Photographer: Andrew Harrer/Bloomberg
Andrew Harrer/Bloomberg

The following is satirical.

McCarthyite Congressman Adam Schiff says in order to stop Donald Trump from violating every sentence in our Constitution he must violate every sentence in our Constitution.

In an address to the American Association of Soulless Weasels, Schiff said:

“Donald Trump is a threat to everything we hold dear as Americans, and in order to stop him I must destroy everything we hold dear as Americans. Trump has repeatedly shown his disrespect for every single one of the principles I’m about to abandon and continues to hold himself above the laws I’m in the process of breaking. Therefore, in order to end this threat to our way of life, I have to completely eradicate our way of life.”

After announcing the opening of a make-believe impeachment hearing, Schiff began interviewing witnesses in a locked room in the basement of the Capitol where no one could hear their testimony, though Schiff said he would release appropriate bits and pieces of it to the New York Times because, after all, if you can’t trust the New York Times, who can you trust besides everybody else?

Though Republicans and other reliable witnesses were not allowed into the interrogation room, a janitor wandering by the door heard loud screams of agony followed by Schiff shouting, “Confess the president is unAmerican or I will use the hot pincers on you again.”

Later Schiff admitted that his methods were an extreme betrayal of every ethical and moral standard on which our civilization rests, but he added, “I only did these things in reality, and they are nothing compared to what Trump has done in my imagination.”

President of the Chuck Todd fan club, Chuck Todd, went on totally objective NBC news, or completely leftist MSNBC News, it’s impossible to tell the difference, and announced that he was inspired by Schiff and from now on would defend journalism from Trump’s attacks by violating every standard of journalism in an effort to destroy him. So basically, he’ll just go on doing what he’s been doing.

Related: WATCH: Republican Matt Gaetz Drops In On Impeachment Deposition, Gets Kicked Out, Calls Schiff A Liar

Read more in:

116 days until election

Don't miss a beat of our coverage.

The Daily Wire
AboutAdvertise With UsBook our SpeakersHelp CenterContact Us
Standards & PoliciesPrivacy PolicyTerms of UseCareersInternships
© Copyright 2020, The Daily Wire