7 Simple Rules for Being a Good Feminist

Being a good feminist today is rather easy—you don’t even really have to care about women! After you douse yourself in your own period blood, refrain from shaving your armpits (because that’s what the patriarchy would want you to do) and finish feeding your cats, read over these seven simple rules.

1. Label innocuous things as sexist/sexual harassment to successfully water-down all real acts of the same.

This rule requires you to totally water-down actual sexist behavior and acts of sexual harassment by labeling everything and anything as such, even when it’s not. Then people will get “sexist” fatigue and so used to the Cry Wolf methodology that real sexism and sexual harassment will be swept under the carpet as mere political correctness. (This works with crying “racism,” too.)

For some guidance, here are 101 things good feminists have already labeled sexist.

2. Bathe in hypocrisy.

Okay, this mantra will help: “Do as I say, not as I do.” Double standards within feminism are totally cool because you have a uterus and they don’t. For instance, be sure you excoriate men for objectifying women, and then objectify men.

3. Ignore all real injustice against women.

You must defend (cough, Sally Kohn) or totally ignore things like honor killings and acid attacks on Muslim women who disgrace the Religion of Peace™ with their immodesty and other grave sins. You have more important things to focus on, like demanding representation by period emojis.

Besides, you wouldn’t want people to think you’re a right-wing, bigoted Islamophobe.

4. Demand respect. Then do everything in your power to strip yourself of it.

After demanding respect, you want to make yourself look as absurd and unserious as possible; essentially, just act like a social justice warrior.

We’ve seen feminists cover themselves in period blood—that’s always a surefire way to dismantle any credibility. Getting naked while protesting inequality of nipples works, too. And ALWAYS be screaming at an unmatched decibel.

5. Practice the sacrament of abortion. Then #BragAboutIt.

This one is crucial. If you don’t participate in the sacrament of killing your unborn baby—which will likely leave you with emotional and physical damage, or at times, even dead—how can you call yourself a good feminist?

But it goes further than the sacrifice of your baby for #Feminism. You have to brag about it; fight to remove the stigma from crushing babies’ skulls in the womb so more women can get in on the action.

#DeadBabiesRule #ShoutYourAbortion #SafeLegalAndRareMyAss

6. Once you’ve successfully painted yourself as a victim, project your insecurities onto innocent men.

We call this one the Lena Dunham Rule: After creating a sense of false victimhood, which you’ve used to excuse your disgraceful past behavior, then project all your subsequent insecurities on innocent men. Be sure to dabble in racial and sexist stereotypes, too.

For an example, Daily Wire’s Editor-in-Chief Ben Shapiro explains the perfectly executed man-hating, racist rant by feminist royalty, Lena Dunham, here.

7. Tear down all women who disagree and fail to follow such simplistic rules.

When a woman is pro-life, or rejects phony claims of victimhood, for example, she is clearly suffering from “internalized misogyny” and must be shamed. No dissent can be tolerated. If these women come into contact with you, berate them and wish them death. This is super empowering for our gender.