So, on my podcast each Friday, I like to play a game called “Judge Candace.”
As Judge Candace, I examine certain Reddit posts under the category of “Am I the A**hole? (AITA),” in which users ask the Reddit community if they are being an a-hole due to something they said or did.
I serve as the judge, jury, and executioner, and determine whether to send them to jail, set them free, or come up with a different punishment altogether. I have a lot of fun during this segment, as you can tell if you watch or listen to my show.
Today’s case involves a Reddit user who asked, “Am I the A-hole for telling my friend that I hope he never has kids?”
Online commenters have ruled that the user is not the a-hole, but I am still considering the case and whether it may be warranted. Let’s take a closer look at the original Reddit post copied below for the trial. Please excuse the grammatical errors:
My (24m) girlfriend (23f) and I have a 2 and a half month old daughter.
We have a system in place that works for us as I’ve been back at work for about a month now. My girlfriend gets up during the night if our baby happens to wake up (lately she’s been sleeping well during the night so this doesn’t happen often) as I have to be up at 4:30am for work. When I get home from work at about 3pm most days, I take over and give my girlfriend a well deserved break, I’ll do any normal parent duties etc and even encourage my girlfriend to get out of the house if she wants and offer to pay for her to treat herself whether it be getting her nails done or anything else she enjoys. I also cook dinner and clean up afterwards while my gf watches the baby. I also do our baby’s night time routine every night before getting into bed myself at 8:30pm, we give her a bath at about 7:30, and then massage her and feed her and she usually falls asleep halfway through feeding (formula fed)
This system works for us and while some people might not agree, I don’t care at all.
My friend and I were having a random convo over messenger and he was saying how keen he was to sleep in on the weekend, and I responded with saying lol I wish, I don’t sleep in anymore (we rotate getting up during the night on days I’m not working which is the weekend, and I wasn’t complaining I was just stating a fact) and he asked me why I don’t, and I responded with basically what I said above. And he said that was f***ing stupid and I deserve to sleep in on the weekend cos I work during the week, and I asked what he meant. He basically said the man that works during the week to provide should get to sleep in on the weekend. And I responded with saying I hope he never has kids because I feel sorry for the woman who he has them with, he called me an asshole and stopped responding to me.
My girlfriend told me I was a bit harsh but I don’t think I was
Well, this is an easy ruling: You’re not the a-hole whatsoever. Your friend is being a selfish a-hole.
And guess what? When you don’t have kids, you’re allowed to be selfish with how you choose to spend your time! Nobody is depending on you directly for their survival.
He doesn’t even realize he’s being greedy with his time because what it takes to raise children is completely foreign to him.
He’s not necessarily being malicious with his comments — he’s simply childless. After having children, your entire perspective on life changes, and you stop making certain comments such as “you deserve to sleep in on the weekends.”
There are many things people say before becoming parents that they would never say after. People also change their habits dramatically after having kids, which is necessary for their offspring’s well-being.
Before I had children, if you told me I was going to become an early bird who wakes up at 4:30 a.m. to best prepare for the day and be refreshed to take care of my children, I would have thought you were crazy.
In fact, if you said that to a 22-year-old today, who is used to partying and staying out late, they would also say you’re crazy.
But, when you become a parent, your entire life transforms overnight. Unless you’re a terrible, neglectful parent, the moment your baby is born you adjust your entire schedule.
So, Mr. Reddit user, your friend sounds as if he’s used to living the party lifestyle. He goes to bed and wakes up whenever he wants. His time is his.
As a parent, your time really doesn’t belong to you. It belongs to your beautiful 2.5-month-old baby. I’m guessing you didn’t really “wish” that you could sleep in because you probably understand how precious moments are with your daughter. The sacrifice of not being able to sleep is worth it.
Your friend doesn’t understand the joy of having children. Nobody truly does until it happens to them. He just can’t comprehend it. It’s like you two are speaking two different languages.
So, my official ruling: Maybe you made a rude comment, but oh well. He was also acting like a jerk.
Should I sentence your friend to jail time? No, I will not.
He will eventually grow up and have kids, or he’ll wind up being that 45-year-old man at the bar picking up girls on a Friday night, which is a punishment in itself.