When M&Ms Go Woke, You Know The End Is Near

The following is the opening satirical monologue from “The Andrew Klavan Show.”

Many of you are deeply concerned about the political ramifications of M&M’s, if you’re fat and toothless and have literally not one other thing to think about. As you know, the Mars Candy Company decided to change the look of its advertisement spokes-candies to mollify woke sensibilities after receiving a petition signed by as many as one person, who said that, while he was not usually offended because he had a hard outer shell, he was soft on the inside and the old spokes-candies were so insensitive, they made him feel like he was melting, although not in your hand, only in your mouth. What he was doing in your mouth, I don’t want to know.