News and Commentary

WATER STILL WET: The Week’s Most Unnecessary Headlines

There were ghosts, ghouls, Trump campaign associates, vampires, werewolves, Islamic terrorists and mummies on the prowl this week. We celebrated Halloween by appropriating Wiccan culture, watched Mueller put the squeeze on Manafort, Gates, and Papasmurfadopoulos, found out that Cosmo is hot to trot for incest, and watched the other Papa (Peyton Manning’s buddy) get into some hot water talking anthem kneelers. A lot has gone down since Monday, but as usual, plenty of outlets still found time in their busy schedules to drop some ‘water still wet’ headlines. And so, without further ado, here are five of the best pointless stories from the week:

1. Bidi Bidi Bom Bom! Kim Kardashian Does Her Best Selena Impression For Halloween (E Online)

On Halloween, I made my children dress as a windmill and a solar energy panel because I didn’t want to offend social justice warriors or appropriate any cultures. Of course, if you’re a leftist, a celebrity, or both, these silly rules don’t apply. Case in point: it’s perfectly acceptable for Kim Kardashian, who is fourth generation Armenian-American on her father’s side, and English, Irish, Dutch and Scottish on her mother’s, to parade around as Selena, the famous Mexican-American ‘Queen of Tejano music’.

According to the article, Kim “got her groove on” which is just super. My little trick-or-treaters on the other hand were miserable. My son’s wind turbine costume accidentally killed six birds, and my daughter ran out of energy almost immediately because we were out at night. On the plus side, I did get a fat renewable energy subsidy check from the Government.

2. Ginsburg Vows To Stay On SCOTUS As Long As She Can (Daily Caller)

Ruth Bader Ginsburg is like a much older version of Hogwarts Professor Minerva McGonagall, except she’s not nice, wise, or magical, and she can’t turn herself into a cat. Instead of all those neat things, she just drinks wine, sleeps through the State of the Union, and throws shade at Neil Gorsuch. Apparently, she’s here to stay until, shocker, Trump is no longer the president.

3. New Study Shows Staggering Disparity In Media Coverage Around Uranium One, DNC-Dossier Stories (The Blaze)

But … I was told that CNN puts #factsfirst.

4. Polling Techniques May Account For Erratic Predictions In Virginia (Politico)

According to Real Clear Politics, Ed Gillespie is either up 8 points in the Virginia Gubernatorial race, or he’s being crushed by Ralph Northam who’s up by 17 points. So basically, no one knows anything, except that Northam’s camp is in full panic mode after the whole “running down children with a murder truck” commercial.

This Politico article does its best to pin the polling discrepancies on individual polling services who may or may not limit their calls to registered “likely to vote” citizens, and those who do not. But I can say as a Virginia resident, at least anecdotally, that most of the polling I’ve seen in past elections has been skewed by oversampling Democrats. I can also say, as someone who frequently makes stuff up when I’m bothered by pollsters, that not all respondents answer surveys honestly.

5. Nancy Pelosi Struggles In Interview To Say 1 Nice Thing About Donald Trump (Huffington Post)

Just as I struggle to say one nice thing about Nancy Pelosi. The part Nancy and I both need to remember is that if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.