WATCH: Samantha Bee Tears Into #MeToo Backlash. Her Monologue Is Comedy Cancer And Moral Rot.

On Wednesday, TBS’ Samantha Bee — a woman enmeshed in a running gun battle for least funny human being with Comedy Central’s Trevor Noah — unleashed her latest screed of humorless outrage, this time with regard to the backlash against the #MeToo movement brought about by Babe.net’s idiotic report alleging sexual abuse against comedian Aziz Ansari.

Bee stated:

Now that we’re finally listening to women, some people are asking an important question: should we stop listening to women?

She then played clips of Tucker Carlson, Condoleezza Rice, and Liam Neeson, among others, questioning whether #MeToo has gone too far. She continued:

Yes, the inevitable backlash to the #MeToo movement has arrived. Or, as I like to call it, the #YouTooLoud movement. So I’d like to take a look at one focus of the backlash, the so-called S****y Media Men list. In case you don’t know, the S****y Media Men list was just that: an anonymously crowdsourced list of men in media who women said did shitty things ranging from sending unsolicited d*** picks to claiming credit for women’s work to rape. It was never intended for public consumption. … The list also let women know that they weren’t alone. You know, the whole #MeToo component … All women have done throughout the four months of the #MeToo movement is try to protect other women, but you know, who is going to protect the men?… Here’s the number of people who were putting rape and harassment and bad dates in one bucket. NOBODY! Literally nobody is saying they’re the same! … It doesn’t have to be rape to ruin your life, and it doesn’t have to ruin your life to be worth speaking out about.

This is imbecilic. Let’s say I constructed a list, called “S***y Human Beings.” On that list were three people: Hitler, Charles Manson, and Samantha Bee. Now, I think Samantha Bee seems like a rather s****y human being, but I’m obviously not saying that she’s a mass murderer. But she might be miffed to be placed in that company. The #MeToo movement has set no limits on what ought to be a career-ending or career-affecting offense. That’s not the fault of men. And it’s not even the fault of most women who find the #MeToo movement inspirational. It’s the fault of people like Samantha Bee who make excuses for conflation, then suggest that no conflation has taken place.

Then Bee moved onto ripping into Aziz Ansari:

Unfortunately though, not all the backlash is from willfully blind men. Some of it is from women who have seen way too much, especially in the wake of an article about Aziz Ansari and the horrible night an anonymous woman said she had with him. The conversation about this article has been tentative and difficult, largely because a lot of women disagree about it, and women actually like to be careful with each other’s feelings. Except, of course, Ashleigh Banfield.

She played a clip of Banfield stating, “You had a bad date. … Is that what victimized you to the point of seeking a conviction and a career-ending sentence against him? You had an unpleasant date and you did not leave. That is on you.”

Banfield was, of course, correct. And Bee, who works in a business where she literally plays clips of people and then mocks them in the most painful possible fashion doesn’t have a lot of ground to stand on in knocking Banfield. But Bee continued nonetheless:

It’s harder than you think to leave when you’re uncomfortable or scared. For example, you’re scaring the shit out of me, Ashleigh Banfield, and I can’t leave.

Fact check: False. Bee could leave. She could tell her producers to stop playing the clip at any time. Her audience seems to have already left, judging by the applause.

But more Bee:

And it’s not just Ashleigh. A lot of people are worried about Aziz’s career, which no one is trying to end, because again, we know the difference between a rapist, a workplace harasser and an Aziz Ansari. That doesn’t mean we have to be happy about any of them. People like me had to wade through a sea of prehensile dicks to build the world we now enjoy.

First off, Bee seems not to know what the word “prehensile” means. Second, Samantha Bee did not build “the world we now enjoy.” She was born in 1969. She graduated from the University of Ottawa, joined The Daily Show in 2003 as a correspondent, and stayed there for 12 years. She launched her own show on TBS in April 2015, and titled it after graphic nudity. She’s not Susan B. Anthony, Rosa Parks, or even Ellen DeGeneres. She’s not pathbreaking. She’s doing a crappy comedy show beloved by the critics for its outright lack of humor, and she’s drawing flies: she pulled just over a million viewers in the Nielsens the night of this monologue, falling behind FX’s broadcast of The Martian and House Hunters International on HGTV.

But Bee didn’t stop there. She explained that the feminist standard for sex is “whatever women find enjoyable,” without any reference to what they tell their supposedly-mind-reading partners:

Part of enjoying that world is setting a higher standard for sex than just not rape. And women get to talk about it if men don’t live up to those standards, particularly if that man wrote a book about how to sex good.

Women are free to talk about it. And everyone, both men and women, are free to talk about whether that is beneficial to the public discourse, or simple revenge porn. Furthermore, perhaps it’s worth asking whether — gasp! — marriage or commitment might have something to do with enjoying sex with someone who gives two damns about you.

More Bee:

And if that seems harsh, I’m sorry. In fact, I’m sorry for a lot of things. I’m sorry that anyone ever thought the contents of that list or any of the other ways we protect ourselves from men were your goddamn business. I’m sorry you thought you got to choose which experiences we can share, or how we react to the s****y ways we’ve been treated. And to men specifically, I’m sorry our request to be respected makes office culture a little less fun and flirty, and I’m sorry we tattled about that stuff you did on us, even when it was totally not rape. But listen, if you don’t want to tune in to your partner’s feelings throughout sex, perhaps you shouldn’t be f***ing a person at all. … Men, if you say you’re a feminist, then f*** like a feminist. And if you don’t want to do that, take off your f***ing pin, because we are not your accessories.

In other words, if you aren’t willing to surrender complete autonomy over interpretation of a sexual encounter to the subjective assessment of a feminist, stop pretending you’re anti-rape and anti-sexual assault.

If that’s the future of the #MeToo movement, count Bee among its killers. On Youtube, Bee’s monologue has been downvoted 16,000 times, as opposed to upvoted 12,000 times. Presumably, those are all just bitter men who can’t view her video as a proper feminist should.

Or, perhaps, she’s bad at her job, worse at moral and political commentary, and doing a grave disservice to a movement designed to out sexual predators, not just men certain women find unsatisfying in the boudoir.