When I first saw the image tweeted by President Trump of a dog being awarded the Medal of Honor, like any reasonable person I immediately assumed that it was completely real and accurate. Granted, I’d heard dark tales of a black magic known as “photoshop,” but I couldn’t believe the President of the United States would ever engage in such sorcery. I was wrong.
As has since been exposed by the tireless work of our courageous news media, the picture was a fraud. A fake. A forgery. It has been altered, the New York Times confirmed in an article with two authors. After its own extensive investigation, the Washington Post agreed that the photo was “edited.” CNN’s Jim Acosta ran down his own leads and discovered that “the dog is not at the White House.” Another fearless journalist immediately called the White House and found that there had been no “canine events.” After a whole day spent on this important subject, it became clear that the picture was an elaborate ruse. Most disturbing of all: the Daily Wire was behind it.
AMERICAN HERO! pic.twitter.com/XCCa2sGfsZ
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) October 30, 2019
As it turns out, our very own social media team created this image as a “joke.” But this is no joking matter. We have learned time and again throughout Trump’s presidency that memes are nothing to laugh about. So, I want to say this loudly and unequivocally: I do not approve of such a dastardly misuse of photoshop. If I had been consulted ahead of time, I would have cautioned against going down this fateful path. I would have warned our social media team that humorously editing a photo of a Medal of Honor ceremony will send the entire nation — or at least the media, at any rate — into a spiral of confusion and despair. Anarchy will follow. Cannibalism won’t be far behind. The very survival of human civilization is at stake. Stop, dear God stop, I would have shouted with tears in my eyes. This is not who we are. Put the photoshop down, damn you! Turn back now before it’s too late! You don’t have to do this!
But I never had the chance. The decision was made and we all must live with the consequences. A disturbing question now inevitably arises: can we even trust the things we see on the internet? If the dog photo was fake, what else is fake? I saw a picture on Facebook last week of a velociraptor riding a shark while shooting a machine gun. I spent days trying to figure out which aquarium has this interesting exhibit, but now I’m starting to wonder if it was just propaganda. Reality itself suddenly seems unstable.
In closing, I can only express my deep gratitude to the New York Times, the Washington Post, CNN, and all of the other news outlets that exposed this wicked hoax. And though the culprits here at the Daily Wire appear to be entirely lacking in remorse, I will apologize on their behalf. I pledge that, from now on, so help me God, photoshops and memes will be treated with the respect and seriousness they deserve.