Professional human rights champion Colin Kaepernick went to social media this week to protest the assassination of Qassem Soleimani, a man whose only crime was loving too much and murdering thousands of human beings. Kaepernick took a break from selling his new Nike shoe, which can be purchased now for the low price of $135, to point out how America is extremely unfair to black and brown people like himself.
“America has always sanctioned and besieged Black and Brown bodies both at home and abroad,” the shoe model tweeted. “America militarism is the weapon wielded by American imperialism, to enforce its policing and plundering of the non white world.”
It should be noted here that Kaepernick’s Twitter page is adorned with no fewer than eight photos of himself. In each photo, he has the same pensive and persecuted look, as if to say, “I am pensive and persecuted eight times more than the average person.” Frankly, I think he understates the case. The world has not seen a man treated with such brutal unfairness since William Wallace was drawn and quartered.
Kaepernick, of course, pounces on every opportunity to highlight the systemic racism and bigotry in our culture. But now he has taken a look at the problem with a wider lens and discovered that America is plundering the world by killing a war criminal. His accusation of imperialism is especially appropriate here, given that Iran was an imperialist empire for 15 centuries — and through proxies, still pursues its imperialistic ambitions today. This is all the fault of the United States, for reasons that are simply too obvious to bother explaining. Indeed, even the Persian invasion of Greece in 492 can be tied back to America. Ours is a country so meddlesome that it manages to meddle even when it doesn’t yet exist.
If any of these claims seem dubious to you, remember that Kaepernick is an authority on persecution and you are not. Kaepernick was, to use his phrase, “sanctioned and besieged” with an NFL career that paid him almost $40 million. When he left, he was further sanctioned with a multi-million dollar Nike contract, which was exacerbated by the added insult of a $60 million payout from the NFL and a million dollar book deal. Truly, his plight makes the life of a low-wage Nike factory worker in Vietnam look positively glamorous, by comparison.
Imagine what it must be like to walk in his shoes. Well, not his actual Nike shoes. You probably can’t afford those. I mean, imagine what it is like to walk in his metaphorical shoes. To be rich, famous, celebrated across the media and in Hollywood. No doubt when his book is released and then turned into a movie and he rakes in millions from the royalties and movie rights, the anger he feels about his victimization will reach righteous new heights.
I cannot explain why Kaepernick should be so angry, or why his story is proof of America’s racism rather than proof that you calling America racist is a profitable business (which it wouldn’t be if America were actually racist), or why anyone would spend $135 on a football player’s shoe — especially when that football player isn’t even a football player anymore and his career completion percentage was less than 60%. But that’s only because of my own internalized bigotry.
At least that’s what Kaepernick would tell me.
Editors’ Note: Because the internet is filled with foolish and utterly dishonest people, the editors of The Daily Wire wish to note that this column utilizes a literary device called sarcasm.