WALSH: The Latest Allegation Against Brett Kavanaugh Is Obviously Bogus. But It Wouldn’t Matter Anyway.

Brett Kavanaugh
Andrew Harrer/Bloomberg via Getty Images

The latest allegation against U.S. Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh was obviously bogus from the start. As you’ve probably heard by now — you couldn’t help but hear it, with the way the media have been trumpeting the story — a guy named Max Stier claimed he saw “Mr. Kavanaugh with his pants down at a different drunken dorm party, where friends pushed his penis into the hand of a female student.” That claim is contained in what the Left assures us is a “bombshell” report in The New York Times.

The bombshell report has, predictably, fallen apart. As it turns out, Stier is a Clinton operative with an obvious partisan agenda. The “victim” in the case has no memory of any such incident taking place. The Times omitted that last fact from its original report and has since had to issue an embarrassing “correction.” It appears that “Believe Women” has morphed suddenly into “Believe Men Who Tell Stories About Things That Supposedly Happened To Women At College Parties 30 Years Ago.” That slogan just doesn’t have the same ring to it, in my opinion.

But — and here’s the craziest thing about the latest Kavanaugh-related hysteria — the fact that the story is almost certainly false is nearly irrelevant. The story itself was already so strange, ambiguous, and petty that it wouldn’t matter even if it were true. On the weird and ambiguous front, how exactly could Kavanaugh’s friends force his penis into the hand of a female student? I mean, logistically, how does this work? Did they drag the poor girl over to Kavanaugh’s naked member and force her to touch it while she screamed out in protest? Presumably not, especially if she doesn’t remember it. Or did the female student happen to have her hand in close proximity to Kavanaugh’s penis, enabling his friends to initiate this contact with a quick shove? If that was the case, it would seem that Kavanaugh is as much a victim of “sexual assault” as the girl. And, at any rate, why would she have her hand in that area to begin with?

What we’re left with is a bizarre (and, incidentally, false) story about some weird, utterly inconsequential incident at a drunken frat party three decades ago. The “bombshell” — which has prompted renewed calls for Kavanaugh’s impeachment and provoked performative outrage from millions of leftists — is a big, fat nothing, whether it’s true or not. And it isn’t true.

The media tell us with great concern and disappointment that Stier reported his story to the FBI but the FBI “didn’t investigate.” Of course they didn’t. How would they investigate a penis being pushed into someone’s hand in the 1980s? And why would the FBI investigate it? Is indecent exposure at a college party a federal crime? If so, the FBI has a lot of work to do. Literally every college party that has occurred in the last century has just become a federal crime scene.

If we’re being unreasonably generous, we might accept that the Democrats didn’t know about the crucial detail the Times left out when it ran with the story over the weekend — and that they called for Kavanaugh’s impeachment because of it. But they certainly did know that the story is dumb and irrelevant. Yet they amplified it anyway, and labeled it “sexual assault” anyway, because the ends always justify the means. From the Left’s point of view, Kavanaugh may not be a literal rapist, but he is guilty of thought crimes, which is even worse. He deserves to be destroyed by sexual assault claims — even false sexual assault claims — because he has committed the underlying sin of disagreeing with them on political and ideological issues. He “threatens their rights” — specifically, the right to murder their unborn — and so he must be annihilated. One way or another.

Related: Son Of ‘Witness’ Who Denied Blasey Ford’s Kavanaugh Assault Claim Speaks Out: Pressured To Lie By Blasey Ford Allies