WALSH: I Bought A Lamborghini But Now I Don’t Want To Pay For It. I Demand Lamborghini Loan Forgiveness.

Not long ago, I went to my local luxury car dealership and purchased a $250,000 Lamborghini. I say I “purchased” the vehicle, but what I mean, of course, is that I took out a massive loan in order to obtain the bright yellow Italian sports car. You should understand that I had no job, no assets, and a net worth of exactly $127 at the time of the transaction. I figured that I would eventually come up with the money to pay for it. Things did not work out as well as I had planned.

I have discovered, much to my shock, that it is quite unpleasant to be in debt. I have to make payments every month, according to the agreement that I knowingly and purposefully signed. Apparently, the lender really wants the money back. I thought maybe they were joking or being sarcastic when they sat me down and said: “This is how much you will owe and this is what your monthly payments will be.” I could have sworn I saw the guy wink, as if to say, “This is all a formality — you don’t really have to make good on the loan. Have fun and don’t worry about it.” Now I suspect that maybe his eye was just twitching from some sort of nerve damage.