Perhaps you’ve seen the heartbreaking video of a disabled 9-year-old child, Quaden Bayles, crying and saying he wants to die because of the bullying he suffers at school. The footage went massively viral after the boy’s mother, Yarraka Bayles, filmed her son’s emotional trauma and aired it on Facebook Live. Within hours, millions of people had viewed the clip, many celebrities had reached out to offer their support, and, of course, a Go Fund Me campaign had raised hundreds of thousands of dollars.
It’s not hard to see why this story resonates with so many people. As a father of four young kids, I simply cannot fathom hearing them wish for death or talk about harming themselves. It is devastating to think that any child should have to suffer in such a way. I join the millions in feeling great compassion for this child and anger at his bullies. But my anger includes — in fact is primarily directed at — one other person: his mother.
Our first reaction, when we see our children in emotional agony, should not be to grab our phones and document the experience. Much less post that documentation on the internet for strangers to view. Our children’s most vulnerable moments are not fodder for public consumption. Their suffering is not “content” to be shared. I have seen my children cry many times and never once has it ever occurred to me to film it and put it on Facebook. The fact that it did occur to this mother, and that she acted on it, and actually stood there with a camera shoved in this face for seven minutes while he cried, just shows that the worst bullying he experiences is after school, not during.
Defenders of the mother will say that she is trying to “raise awareness” about bullying. But what sort of parent sees their own child’s bullying as an opportunity for cultural awareness? They’ll also say that she was “desperate” and “didn’t know what else to do.” Well, I can see a desperate parent kicking the doors of the school down and finding their child’s bullies and maybe even administering a little physical punishment to the brats. I can see a desperate parent, if all else fails, pulling their kid from the school and homeschooling. There are many things that desperate and loving parents might do for their child, but turning him into a viral celebrity is simply not one of them.
What problem does that solve anyway? Sure, he gets a nice payday (or, rather, she does). Sure, he gets some encouraging messages from celebrities. But the bullying doesn’t go away. In fact, it only gets worse, because now you’ve added internet trolls into the mix. You’ve essentially just called in backups for your child’s bullies, sending in a whole army of anonymous scumbags to contribute to his torment.
All we have to do is ask this question: 10 years from now, will this child be happy that his lowest emotional point still lives on the internet, and will forever, no matter what he does? Will he be glad that millions of strangers have shared in this deeply intimate moment? If, as a parent, you cannot confidently answer “yes” to that question, then what right do you have to post the video? What right do you have to rob your child of the privacy he will surely wish he had?
It seems relevant that this is not the first time this woman has parlayed her son’s bullying into viral fame. He was in the headlines 5 years ago after a similar incident. He was in the headlines again a few years later. Each time, his mother has been more than happy to parade herself and her child in front of cameras. Indeed, she seems to have set up a career for young Quaden as a “model and influencer.” His bio calls him a “superstar in the making.” Though, don’t worry, we’re also assured that he “loves being in front of the camera.” Funny how parents who shove their kids in front of the camera invariably discover that their kids love being in front of the camera. That is, until they’re older and begin to lament the fact that they were deprived a private existence and a real childhood.
Our children are not marketing tools. Their lives are not a spectacle or a reality show. They are kids, and we are their parents, and we should act like it.